Introducing Sakshay, part IV: Keemat

Okay, so technically we are clearly past the introduction stage but this is how the series started, so it is also how it will end. And That New Movie is releasing Friday so I thought I'd finish this series quickly. Let me once again remind you; the movies are listed from bad to better. So second last equals - second best.



While maybe not the most representative, this copy/paste DVD cover of the film Keemat: They Are Back (any film with a subtitle like that is worth good money, isn't it?) is just so magnificent I could not resist. You've got the guys, you've got the girls, you've got Akshay's cowboy hat - everything promises a good time.

Keemat stars Saif and Akshay as two orphans and best friends, raised by the same loving alcoholic adoptive father. They grow up to become first class thiefs and cheats, whose hearts are - of course - in the right place. The story kicks off when they witness a murder of a young man, and find a letter to his parents in his pocket. For whatever reason, the duo decides that they should be the ones to relay the news of the man's demise to his folks, and so they travel to the village and pretend to be the guy's friends to his parents. This may sound unimpressive to you, and quite frankly, it is. But don't worry, you will not be watching it for the story.

The movie is really more a collection of really awesome moments than a comprehensive story. The plot isn't even bad enough to make for campy watching - it's just quite frankly boring most of the time. But who cares when there is so much goodness in between. Leg-on-fire fight scene is a legend in itself, and the songs never fail to amuse. I even quite like Johnny Lever in this movie. Saif-Akshay chemistry is effortless and awesome, but what also impressed me were the performances of the heroines.

Raveena Tandon plays a girl who tricks Saif and Akshay, but understandably after having witnessed Akshay's heroic fighting skills, she falls in love with him. He doesn't care for her, but she's determined. Saif on the other receives the affections of Sonali Bendre, a shy village belle (complete opposite of Raveena's outrageous city girl!). The girls are funny and fabulous, and to watch their interaction is just as fun as watching Sakshay on-screen.

So what would my edit of the movie include? Every song (like the magical O meri chhaila in the above picture), every time Akshay has an action scene, every time Raveena is on screen, when Saif's character has a turn-around, every Sakshay interaction scene and .. oh heck, if you never watch the whole movie, watch this song as it's impossible not to love it.

Introducing Sakshay, part III: Yeh Dillagi

Yeh Dillagi is the movie I wouldn't recommend watching for Sakshay, but would strongly recommend watching for Kajol. Of course, never forgetting that we're walking through the fashion minefield of the 90's, and Yeh Dillagi is more a harmless fluff fest than a masterpiece to be remembered by future generations.

Akshay and Saif play brothers in this re-modelling of the Hollywood classic Sabrina. Kajol is naturally the stunning heroine, who both of the brothers fall for. Standard plot with standard treatment - it is a Yash Chopra-produced film, after all.

But there are highlights! Akshay gets to be the nerd who kicks ass when necessary (read: to save Saif's butt), Saif shows his comic timing, probably for the first time ever, and it's actually pretty delightful despite mullet. And Kajol, god bless her, delivers both beauty and charisma on-screen, even in some questionable fashion choices.

The soundtrack has the composer going crazy on the keyboards, but I rather adore it regardless. "Ole ole" is a hilarious Saif guilty pleasure that always gets stuck in my head, and the other Saif song, "Hoton pe bas" is a dumb song with a silly picturization (those dance moves! oh 90's!) but I find myself rewatching it anyway.

It's been quite a while since I watched this film, so if there were any significant flaws in the movie other than the fact it is in no way a masterpiece, I've forgotten about them. Akshay-Kajol chemistry did not exactly blow me away, and I find myself hoping for another Saif-Kajol movie, because their comic timings match well and this remains the only watchable movie the two were in together.

For a fluffy but ultimately pretty forgettable 90's ride, enjoy this mischief. Yes, I do sound like a half-assed DVD cover tag line, sometimes.

The ride of your life. Dharam-Veer.

Parvarish is the most delicious Manmohan Desai movie I've seen so far, and Amar Akbar Anthony is the best. But the most memorable? Dharam-Veer without a doubt.

The film takes a standard plot, turns it upside down three times, places it in a weird, alternative universe type of historical setting where 70's fashion, Ancient Rome and Rajput kings live in perfect Technicolour harmony. From samurais to horses to gypsies to Dharmendra in a leather mini-skirt, this film has quite simply got it all.

It's an undoubtedly whacky ride all the way through. Dharmendra and Jeetendra play the friends who sing about the glories of their friendship, and the film juggles the story of their pasts, about five villains, and love stories with Zeenat (cruel and cold princess of sorts tamed by Dharmendra's goofy hijinks and love!) and Neetu (bold, awesome gypsie girl who Jeetendra falls for).

It's a film you probably shouldn't miss.

PS. It has pirates in it, too.

To anybody and everybody surfing here through the Tehelka article..

The article that talks about the non-Indian, Bollywood-loving blogosphere is here and quotes me in its third paragraph. No surprises there, I am the girl way too into a certain male-male actor jodi from the 90's.

I'm as embarrassed as I am amused. But now I feel like I should put this new-found publicity into good use.

Dear Yash Raj Films,

It was thanks to me that your latest production, Tashan, was mentioned in the prestigious magazine Tehelka. If you would like to pay for my continuing promotional effort for this movie, I accept cash, PayPal and Saif.

Last method of payment preferred, but I could use the money, too.

You are most welcome.

And now, a random picture of Aftab and his bachelor philosophy in life:

Like a Sega fight! Sivaji: The Boss.

S. Shankar's megalomaniac project Sivaji: The Boss (now ain't that some title, people?) is a Tamil masala extravaganza that looks like money and tastes like entertainment. The Superstar Rajnikanth plays the typical omnipotent NRI hero who wants to do his blessed homeland some good with his earned riches. His uncle (the brilliant comedian Vivek!) meanwhile helps him find a very "Tamil-cultured" bride, played by the gorgeous Shriya Saran, and naturally we have a villain, who has corruption and thirst for power running through his veins.

Throw in glorious, glorious song picturizations (soundtrack by A.R. Rahman!) and a boatful of meta-Rajnikanth jokes, as well as some references to other Tamil cinema heroes (Sivaji Ganesan, Kamal Hassan, MGR), and stylish action sequences a plenty and you've got Sivaji: The Boss in a nutshell.

In Hindi they have an expression, "paisa vasool" - meaning, as far as I know, "money's worth". The thing I love about Shankar is that he's serving up the crowd-pleasing masala, the incredible visuals and the action in such a large bowl, I wouldn't call it just "money's worth", I'd call it "tip generously!". I especially adored all the Rajnikanth-y Rajnikanth gags, that were all over the place, and was surprised at how much I caught of the more inside Kollywood gags, too.

Vivek's comedy as usual is a mix of English and Tamil gags, but his comic delivery just makes it work, and Rajnikanth naturally also has great timing - the two work magnificently together and the comedy bits were some of the best I've seen in a while.

One may always disagree with the message and the politics of Shankar films (at least those were he has a clear social message), but the man is optimistic and that's admirable. Too bad there is no character such as Sivaji to make India better a country; but perhaps part of the point is to raise awareness of possible Sivajis - that somebody, anybody could take action in the right direction.

My main complaint and the reason Anniyan remains my favourite Shankar movie is that while a lot of things about Sivaji are excellent, the whole lacks something. The over-three-hour film starts to drag at times, and the villain is super-boring. The last hour delivers a few twists to the story, and awesome action, but I was only really engrossed in the songs at that point. The romance could also be tons better, but then, perhaps at this point all of Rajni's on-screen pairings will suffer from lack of believability.

If you want to see what Shahrukh's OSO Rajni-impression was based on, this is certainly one insanely glorious way to educate yourself. (Though I would also recommend Muthu, the first Rajni film I saw.)

Top five Hindi film heroines (to me).

I set out to do a Top Ten but didn't get far with it, hence a top five instead. Maybe it's because the standard for my favourite Hindi film heroines (as in, characters, not actresses) is quite high. It needs to be a good performance, a memorable character and above all, I feel like the heroine needs to shine brighter than the hero, which is a very difficult thing to achieve in movies that have been male-focused for the past three or four decades. If I brought down my standards, I might have a Top Ten. (Also, quite often the most interesting female roles aren't starring roles at all.)

Screencap from MariaKaefer.
Basanti from Sholay

A huge part of why I love Hema Malini today is her portrayal of Basanti, the chatterbox tongawalli and her mare Dhanno. It was really love at first sight, I had just finished marvelling at the combination of comedy (jailer!) and action (on a train!) of the movie, and then in walks this girl, and Veeru makes a move on her, and Jai acts indifferent, and she just keeps talking. I just loved her. She's just a burst of energy on-screen and always a pleasure to watch. While she has her share of typical damsel-in-distress moments, her spunk in general makes her stand out as one of the best things about the legendary film.

Geet from Jab We Met

The character of Geet owes to Hindi film's previous spunky heroines but the reason she's so great is because, well, she's one of those spunky heroines! They aren't too many, let me remind you. Film scripts sometimes tend to not give heroines any personality but this is not the case with Jab We Met, where the romance and characters are above all well-written, and Geet is absolute brimming with personality and character. She's lively and fun and talkative, with a strong sense of who she is, which is exactly why Shahid's Aditya falls in love with her, and most of the viewers do, too.

Sarika from Ek Hasina Thi

Yeah, I realize it's not a very typical masala feature, this one, so of course it will have a meatier, more interesting heroine role. But there are plenty of movies like that, and the reason I pick Sarika out of all of them is simple: a lot of such movies are good for a watch or two, but not many of such heroines have stayed with me the way Sarika and Urmila Matondkar in the role have. Sarika is many things; she starts out a slightly scared urban woman living alone, but develops into a dangerous lady who is afraid of little, extremely cunning and a little unbalanced, too. I love watching her journey, as awful as it is, over and over again, because she comes out on top, and that's what really counts.

Rhea from Hum Tum

The great thing about Kunal Kohli's two recent films - to be honest, my memories of Mujhe Dosti Karoge are vague - is that he always seems to give his heroines a choice. Rhea is a good example of a heroine whose choices dictate the entire story. She doesn't give the hero a time of the day until he grows up and learns some respect. She has a career, and she marries a guy out of love. She refuses to re-marry despite people pressuring her to do so. Overall, Rhea is a true individual, who thinks and decides for herself, and that's what really makes her awesome.

Geeta from Seeta Aur Geeta

Our second Geeta, who the first one owes a fair amount to. Geeta is the heroine who will raise hell when she sees injustice, and it's really very satisfying to see her do it - verbally, physically, she has the guts and the attitude to deliver in both ways. If Basanti was who made me curious about Hema Malini, the roles of Seeta and Geeta are what sealed the deal of her as a favourite. As most Hema roles are more Seeta than Geeta, I really cherish Geeta and Basanti as performances, not just because they were the first times I saw her in films, but also because they're really special, even considering the whole of her career. And as awesome, spunky heroines go, well worth the hype.

I leave you with an awesome Geeta fanvid to "These Boots Are Made For Walking" that I found on youtube just tonight.



So ..who are yours?

Introducing Sakshay, part II: Aarzoo

As my selected order for the Sakshay movie posts in this blog go, it's from bad to ...slightly less bad. Aarzoo (title means desire, mostly referring to the desire you have to get those hours of your life back after you finish watching) is a most typical love triangle with some frankly stupid twists thrown in. It's like the first Sakshay film, Yeh Dillagi, only completely devoid of anything making it worth watching.

Madhuri plays a lovely girl who loves Akshay who loves Saif. Just kidding. Saif pines after Madhuri, as well. And boy how he pines. He's simply the most emo, pathetic little Madhuri fanboy in this movie, who writes a diary about how much he likes her. But she likes Akshay, and then things go really bad, and then there is a twist and then there's intermission, and then there's another twist and then .. well, do you really care?

The dynamic as love rivals is not very fruitful in this movie for our guys and Madhuri, as lovely as she is, doesn't lift the film to greater heights, either. There is a tribute scene to Main Khiladi Tu Anari, the One Sakshay Film To Rule Them All, but it's so shoddily executed I weep.

Here's a scene where hair continuity error works for Saif's benefit. No mullet! (The film was made in 2000, aka the year of mullet transition.) There is also a song in the film where Madhuri sings and fantasizes Saif with more wind machine than probably legal in most countries, but I just ..don't warm up to this movie.

It's not devastatingly bad, has its "so bad it's kind of amusing!" moments but nothing makes it stand out, and nothing makes me want to recommend it to anybody outside the diehard Sakshay completists. So that's, um, basically just me.

Tamil masala 101. Dhool & Arul.

Take one brave and brawny villager. Add a societal injustice, a corrupt politician, a handful of mob connections, spice the mixture up with a love story, songs and a comedy track, stir and serve in DVD format. Congratulations, you have just made a typical Tamil masala film.

This is exactly what Dhool, my first Tamil (or Thamizh as the South-Indian language would more correctly be spelled) masala film, is. But thankfully for my sake, Dhool was a good one. Maybe to the general public it's merely a solid film, but to me it's really special, perhaps being my first, perhaps just being that good. I love it to pieces.

And of course, it has these two. If the prejudice about chubby, unattractive old guys in Southie films had been strong in my head to begin with, Vikram would've negated that pretty quickly. Vivek, right in the above picture, on the other hand made for a safe landing into the comedy tracks of Tamil films; his comedy is language-based but aided by his fabulous acting that makes him funny to even me, who didn't know a single word of Tamil (of course, his comedy uses a lot of English, too).

Vikram plays Arumugam, a villager whose village's water has been polluted by a nearby factory. The villagers decide that taking the issue up with a minister who originates from the village should help matters, so Arumugam, Eeswari (Jyothika) and Eeswari's grandmother travel to Chennai to confront the minister. In Chennai they room with a friend of Arumugam's (Vivek) and are introduced to a second heroine, the glamorous model Sapna (Reema Sen). The water issue naturally isn't solved without a can of whoopass being released upon the baddies, and on the lighter side of things, a romance between the bickering Eeswari and Arumugam develops.

Dhool was one of those films I watched and couldn't get enough of afterwards; Vikram-Jyothika chemistry is just so cute here, the songs are catchy and goofy ("Kundu kundu" especially is one crazy picturization), the violence is entertaining enough and Vivek kills me with his comedy.

I knew I had to eventually get my hands on the other Vikram-Jo starrer, Arul. Again, there is a corrupt politician or rather an unjust system vs one man who kicks ass, and I'll admit that once you've seen this plot feature enough times, it does get tiring, kind of like the college-love-opposed-by-parents in Bollywood gets dull after a few movies. However, Arul's not a bad example of it - the songs are again delightful ("Ottiyanam sai" is the glitziest song I've ever seen!), Vikram-Jo chemistry works and Vikram's performance as Arul, whose father disapproves of him despite the good deeds that he has done, is a lovely one. The character has an utterly ridiculous complex about people swearing, though.


Not that I didn't mostly buy the DVD for the eyecandy, to be honest. I'd say Dhool's a better film of the two, with the caveats that if you've seen the plot too many times and the film doesn't make you a fan of its leads, you might consider it merely okay. And let it also be said I've never been alienated by film violence, unless it's particularly cruel (torture, for example). If you're one of those who cannot stomach any, you might want to give the mass entertainer portion of Tamil cinema a miss.

Snark mode on, review in 3.. 2.. 1 - Race!

People of the Hindi film following world! You can all rest easy now. Stop holding your breath in, just exhale slowly, and breath free once again. The future is secured.

I ought to specify. The future of the long-standing tradition of bad movies made in the beautiful language of Hindi/Urdu is secured. That's right. All is once again right in the universe. Dumb dance routines, insultingly bad lyrics, awkward try-hard plots and characters you forget as soon as you leave the theater – Race has got it all.

The film works on the premise that if you have something that isn't anywhere near as good as anybody involved in the making of it hoped for, you can flip it around in hopes that the audience will find the constant plot twists exciting instead of predictable and (by the time we get into the last third of the movie) just plain boring. I've got news to the makers; whichever way you decide to flip a turd, it sadly still looks brown.

Race isn't really that bad. And that's another tragedy right there – it doesn't get the crown of being the worst film ever, nor does it gain the honor of a fun “so-bad-it's-good” trainwreck. It's just unexcitably sucky. Not that they don't try. There's enough Bipasha skin to call it Dhoom 2 and enough Saif skin to call it Fangirl Hook Collection 2008. The songs go from bad (South-African white cowgirls shaking ass along with some of the cringeworthiest moves I've witnessed in a while) to worse (Zara Zara Let's Keep a Safe Distance, Okay Katrina and that other song with Saif cleaning his face against Bipasha's chest – ugh). This is one of the few times even I denounce English lyrics in songs. And the theme song? Annoying as heck.

About individual performances, well, did it have any? Akshaye, as much as I champion him, had the most unlikable character here and Saif was not too sympathetic himself. The ladies weren't worth much. Quite frankly all of the leading four were just so forgettable, which leads me to..

I cannot believe I'd prefer a whole three hour movie about Anil Kapoor's character to rewatching Race, but hey, there you go. This was seriously the best part of the movie.

A special mention to the dialogue writer who came up with Saif's infamous “I celebrate losses” (You should, yaar, because this one? Not a winner! Also? 1993-2000..) as well as this one, which I shall leave as my parting wisdom, as voiced by Akshaye Khanna: “All a man needs in a weather like this is a cold beer and a hot chick!”

Tashan is slowly killing me. Emphasis on "slowly".

In Finnish there's an expression, "to wait [for something] like the rising moon" (odottaa kuin kuuta nousevaa - originated, I think, in a song). I've never waited for the moon to rise but I'm pretty sure it can't be worse than waiting for Yash Raj Films to start finally promoting their up-coming masterpiece by the name of Tashan.

The above picture is one of the few released stills we have of the movie, aside from paparazzi snapped shots (those we have two of, and they don't tell much). With the release of the Saif film Race, there were two short (and I do mean short, maybe little over 10 seconds in length) promos put out, which give us instrumental clips of the songs, with some groovy, over-the-top shaking done by the movie's three leads; Saif and Kareena in one promo, Akshay in another.

If you've never followed a Bollywood movie coming out, they usually let the film sink into the consciousness of Indian people for a month or two with the release of the soundtrack, hoping it'll catch on. They'll have song promos, dialogue promos, trailers running on television to make sure people not only hear the film, but see glimpses of it, and remember the release date - so they may drag themselves to theaters. But Yash Raj Films, perhaps having too much faith in this hyped movie starring BO king Akshay Kumar and the hottest 'it' jodi of the moment, Saif-Kareena, is letting the promotion be of the more "intriguing" kind.

The sad fact? I really doubt it'll work.


But who knows. The main reason I'm annoyed and impatient is because I.want.this.film.so.bad. It looks like it was made while on crack, then rolled in crack, deep-fried in crack and served with crack on the side. It looks fantastically insane and self-awarely goofy, and even if the goofiness is unintended, I will roll on the floor laughing and loving it, for certain. And the soundtrack, based on the pathetic little promos they've given us so far, sounds very ace indeed.

And come on, just look at it. Words simply fail to describe my enthusiasm, and my growing frustration with every day going by that there seems to be no development around this movie. They're trying my patience and killing me and succeeding in it, too.

If there continues to be no news about the soundtrack, come April 1st, you can see me going commando on this film banner. I'm going to knock them out like Bebo shadowboxes here ..and worse!

Oh, and the film releases April 25th - since it seems I have to do YRF PR office's job for them.