Go Goa Gone: just don't go.

It's really difficult to discuss Go Goa Gone without talking about my expectations for it. This was on my radar for a number of reasons: the directors had hit home-runs with both of their previous ventures, 99 and Shor in the City, Saif Ali Khan was involved (and I was hopeful that these two directors would bring out the best in him, as he was obviously passionate about the project, having a producer credit and all), the mix of stoner comedy meets zombie film seemed interesting, and finally, Kunal Khemu was among the cast. All signs pointed to this being an awesome film, especially when the first trailer made me chuckle a lot.

Three friends (the stoner loser, the nerd and the average guy trying to improve himself) go to Goa, one of them finds a girl, one of them gets laid, and all of them find themselves in a zombie apocalypse with a Delhiwalla gangster who pretends to be Russian. Surely this situation is fertile ground for some jump scares and some comedy, but what is truly disappointing about Go Goa Gone is exactly how it fails to live up to its premise at all.

The characters are the film's first failure. They're dumb but not lovable, and most importantly, they're flimsy. We're supposed to care about them, so it matters to us that they're in this desperate peril, and we're meant to chuckle at their idiocy, but the story fails to establish the characters as protagonists you could actually root for. Simply put, they're all pretty unlikable. Saif Ali Khan's odd badass Boris should be the kind of quirky side character who makes the film, but instead he too comes off as slightly tired. Are there funny one liners? Yes, but they're all the ones you saw in the trailer.  

I admit one reason for my disappointment might just be zombie fatigue. By the time this trend hit Indian cinema, English entertainment is absolutely inundated with zombie fiction, be it riffs on Pride and Prejudice (now with zombies!) or Brad Pitt saving the world from zombies, or Walking Dead exploring human drama (amidst zombies). But I also think that this could've felt fresh in the Indian context, and it's sad that it doesn't.

One reading of the zombies in GGG is that the provide a metaphor for excessive drug use, but this is a very accommodating way of looking at it – the film is not exactly rich with social commentary, as some of the best zombie films are. The extras don't make for very good zombies, even though the make up work was commendable, but perhaps the worst failing of the zombie genre is that it never feels like the protagonists are truly in danger. It's not scary, nor is it comically over the top enough to be funny. There are bits and pieces where the premise of zombies and stoner comedy come together, but those little sparks of life just aren't enough to liven up this film.  

I'm glad I saw it, in the sense that I didn't really believe others who said it wasn't that good, before witnessing this limp piece of film myself. It could've been so awesome, and yet it's just maybe okay at best, boring at worst.

Trashy Sequels 2013: Race 2 and Murder 3.

I really could not tell you why I decided to watch Race 2. I'm not a film critic, I'm not getting paid to watch and write about it. I'm also not a fan of the 2008 original Race movie - in fact, I devoted my entire review of it to praising the fact that stupendously bad Hindi films are still being made, and that film being an indicator of just how bad it can get. Race 2 continues this proud tradition, but with all the updated sleekness that I assume a budget twice the size of the first Race film can afford.

Not that plot or characterization is of particular importance in this film, but let's recap a bit anyway. Saif Ali Khan is back as Ranveer, sans his Bipasha Basu as Soniya, though she makes a brief appearance in a flashback. His new rival/friend is John Abraham, an Indian mobster who loves nothing more than money. Deepika Padukone is his half-sister, developing feelings for Ranveer's smooth-talking ways (picture me rolling my eyes as I type this mess). Then there is John's girlfriend, played by Jacqueline Fernandez, who seems to know Ranveer from somewhere. Unfortunately RD, Anil Kapoor's unfunny cop character from the first film, is also back, this time with assistant Cherry, Ameesha Patel. 

The biggest problem with Race 2 is that it's actively annoying and insulting to one's intelligence and other senses. I don't think a couple of songs can be even called music - even if you're a fan of electronically altered singing voices, this amount of autotune renders every human effort into hopeless robotic noise that is not pleasurable to listen to, even in a club setting. There's some sleek action that is entirely too reliant on wire work, so much so that it stops being interesting in its defying of reality, and more just unbelievable and dragging on needlessly. In some ways, Saif is more of an uber-capable agent man in this than in last year's Agent Vinod, jumping from windows and from tops of buildings like he's Spiderman. 

Then there are the twists and the incredibly dumb dialogues we all know and dislike from the first movie. The twists once again make sure you don't really trust or care about any character. There is none of that feeling of betrayal when one character appears to be bad when you previously believed them to be a good guy. In the world of Race movies, it doesn't matter. They'll re-align themselves three times by the time the film is over, so you're better off just about following along and not caring too deeply.

It almost feels a bit silly to talk about performances in films like this, where the dialogues are an insult to whatever modicum of talent each actor on the cast has. I'm sure you've seen the best ones quoted on Twitter or in other reviews, but here's a sampling of the groanfest we've come to expect: "So hot .. I'm burning with envy." "Cherry, I don't have time to pop your cherry." "You're gonna be so dead and I'm gonna be so rich."

Ameesha Patel and Anil Kapoor's plotline is particularly painful since they have set out to ruin fruit as a healthy snack for everybody who enjoys an apple or a banana every now and then. Who thought this was a good idea? 

But perhaps the most horrible thing about Race 2 is that it's simply so goddamn boring. It aims to cater to the most base needs of the audience - some violence, some twists, some bare skin (of both sexes) - and fails entirely to actually entertain. It's not so bad it's good, or fun to watch to cackle at the horridness. It's just dull and irritating. 

Murder 3, in true Bhatt sequel fashion, seems to have nothing to do with the first two movies, other than the confused title. It is also a very trashy sequel, but manages to at the very least be interesting in its utter stupidity. There is just one twist here, and it's silly as all hell, but it's the type of twist that makes sure you want to see the conclusion to it, no matter how inane.

Vikram (Randeep Hooda on a bad hair day) is mourning over the disappearance of his girlfriend Roshni (Aditi Rao Hydari) by getting heavily drunk. The girl who works at the watering hole he visits, Nisha (newcomer Sara Loren), takes him home one night because he's not in shape to drive himself home, and the two eventually begin a relationship. There is something strange about Vikram's house, however, Nisha soon discovers, and what ever did happen to Roshni, anyway?

Randeep Hooda (who is on a seriously, seriously bad hair day, and I cannot emphasise enough how much this diminishes my enjoyment of the movie) has the odd talent of portraying guys who just seem off in a way, which lends the first half of the movie a strange atmosphere. It feels like every warning bell in Nisha's head should go off, but apparently this guy who lives alone in a house far away from the city, with a girlfriend who's mysteriously vanished into thin air, is just dreamy enough to have sex with (yes, there are sex scenes, in a film from the Bhatt house - I'm as shocked as you are!). Or maybe Nisha's character is written as pointlessly stupid, only possessing a brain when the script wants her to have one.  

The only shining moments for Randeep (on a continuous, very, very bad hair day) are the scenes where he gets to play drunk, as he does quite a good job of it. Sara Loren is merely okay - she opts for under-acting instead of over-acting, which fools you into thinking she's quite capable, but in reality all she has to do is this blank frown of horror at various noises. It's not great acting.

As such, the film belongs to Aditi Rao Hydari, who I really enjoyed in London Paris New York (even if I didn't love the film itself). Her acting can be over-the-top at times, and her character is written as not precisely the sharpest pen in the pencil case, but at least she tries to spin this ridiculousness into a believable direction, and somewhat manages it.

The post-interval twist creates quite an intriguing dramatic circumstance, that made me actually interested in how the film was going to end. It's completely unbelievable and silly, of course, but in a way that kept me hooked until the end, and a part of that was Aditi's better-than-the-film performance. There's another twist the film could've taken, but opts out of, which proves that ultimately films like these are just absolutely horrible to women, and to the female characters they portray. I almost want to discuss spoilers with regards to this film - where it could've gone, and where it opted to go. 

Still, the amazing thing about watching this film after sitting through Race 2, is that it seems like a masterpiece of thrilling cinematic story-telling in comparison. I realise it is not - it's a stupid thriller that spins a plot to allow for some "bold" and "daring" sex scenes to be in there, while remaking (officially - to give them credit) a Colombian thriller called The Hidden Face. It does not deconstruct love, the claim made by producer Mukesh Bhatt, as there isn't a tale of love told here - at least not believably enough to count. I'm not sure who I'd recommend this film to. Probably no one - it's a film, it exists, you can watch it, but I'm not entirely sure why you would. Aditi Rao Hydari is good but not that good, and there isn't enough Randeep Hooda goodness here to sate a fangirl of his. Maybe give the Colombian original a spin instead?

Cocktail: mix one interesting character with two irritating ones. Shake well.

In all honesty, I probably shouldn't have watched Cocktail, Homi Adajania's breezy NRI romantic drama. There were just too many things that I knew, from the get-go, would not work for me. The trailers looked bland as all hell (and as a big fan of Mr Adajania's debut film, the twisted black comedy Being Cyrus, I was puzzled as to why he decided to go mainstream with something so dull). Saif Ali Khan looked too old for the two heroines, Deepika Padukone and newcomer Diana Penty. Overall the film just gave me try-hard vibes - it was attempting cool, easy-going, modern, and not quite pulling it off, even with Imtiaz Ali behind the script. 

Then people came back to me with their takes on it, Rum titled Saif's wooing of the girls "Uncle Pyaar" and Beth was also less than impressed. This review from FirstPost largely coloured my initial impressions of the film - in fact, I think I still agree with it. However, folks also mentioned Deepika's performance as a major positive, and so I was curious, and eventually that curiosity won over.

The film starts off with Gautam (Saif Ali Khan), flirting with every good-looking girl he sees, to the point of irritation and almost to the point of sexual harassment. He runs into Meera (Diana Penty), who has just landed in London for the first time. She clueless wanders around the city until she finally locates her new husband Kunal (Randeep Hooda), who unceremoniously dumps her because he only agreed to the match to get some money from it all. Meera, heartbroken, runs into party girl Veronica (Deepika Padukone) who allows her to stay the night, for as long as she needs to.

Veronica really was the highlight of the film. While the characters are largely unfortunate stereotypes (the flirty stud, the proper old-fashioned Indian girl, the reckless party girl), a combination of the writing and Deepika's acting carve the most real character out of Veronica. Yes, her behaviour does seem mostly derived out of her distant, cold relations with her family - her only contact to her father are checks he sends to support her - but there's something more there as well, a certain care-free life philosophy and attitude that is real and refreshing to see. There are some minor discrepancies, like I'm sure every girl, whether she's English, Punjabi or Brazilian, realizes it's a good idea to put on more than a shirt when your boyfriend's mother drops by for a sudden visit. 

The friendship we see between the two girls is also wonderful, and I was beginning to hope Saif's role would be a mere cameo, so we could just focus on the two. It's an unlikely friendship, but one that feels genuine and relatable all the same, and it's one I would've gladly seen more of. 

Diana Penty does fine in her debut performance, but there were some moments in the story where the meekness of her character required more to be shown in her eyes or general appearance, and she just quite doesn't deliver. Towards the end, I began to see Meera as more of a stereotype, less of a character, and the fact that the script makes her do some pretty dumb choices (in my opinion) doesn't help much. The fact she ever even falls for Gautam seems unbelievable to me.

The music fits the kind of modern, cool, love triangle drama the people behind this movie probably set out to make, but didn't quite accomplish. I liked the music a lot, in fact, and the song picturizations tended to inject the flick with some much-needed life, especially on the second half.

Honestly, the less said about Saif as Gautam, the better, but let me expound on this regardless: even if I was to look aside the age factor, and the unappetizing "flirting" he does in the beginning of the movie, I would loathe this character. He's supremely unfunny, a complete douchebag, his character growth is not very believable and he's also just kind of gross? The other male characters are a tiny bit better - Boman Irani does a short but likable stint as Gautam's uncle, and Randeep Hooda's character turns out to be not quite the inhuman asshole you first see him as. In fact, Kunal is almost ludicrously underwritten - we never get to see how or why Meera sort of forgives him, why he's an asshole at first but okay later on, why he always looks like he's just come from a barfight.

Cocktail is one of those films that doesn't really impress while watching, but starts to come apart even more when you actually think it through more - why did this character do that, or accept this, or have a mature discussion about that problem, but not this one. It gets to the point where I just want to push it aside entirely, for whatever redeeming features the film has got, however few. Kudos to Deepika, and hopefully she finds more substantive roles like this coming her way. 

30 Days of Film: Day 16

16. A movie you used to love but now hate

Kal Ho Naa Ho. By far. Easily. (I'm sorry.)

The first time I saw KHNH, I fell in love with Saif, and the songs so much I kind of forgot any problems I had with the plot. This was early days for me as an Indian cinema aficionado, so I was easily swept off my feet by an entertaining film that just gave you everything from big emotions to funny comedy, good songs to glamorous sets. 

And then I rewatched it. And rewatched. And rewatched it. And with each rewatch, the manipulativeness of Shahrukh's character on the second half, the ridiculousness of the plot overall, all of these problems added to each other until it was to the point where I could no longer enjoy the things I used to enjoy so much on the first watch. 

Perhaps my mistake was rewatching it in the first place, but then, when you really enjoy a film on the first watch, you don't tend to think the experience will turn sour on the second. 

Agent Vinod - hollow spectacle.

Note: This review contains some minor spoilers (mostly in mentioning plot points or scenes).

Gah, is all I can say.

Sriram Raghavan, I know you can do better this. I know it. You got your big budget action masala, filled with international terrorist intrigue and Saif Ali Khan as the man who never gives out his real name. And yet .. 

I think the problem here is that Agent Vinod  has one foot in the sort of clever throwback Hindifilm referentialness that Johnny Gaddaar did quite well with, and another foot in slick post-millennium action thriller genre. So it never quite comes together, it's got these themes it throws at the viewer and subsequently seems to either abandon or not really follow all the way through. Like the idea about fake names, a clip also used in the trailer that amused me a ton - good, clever. I mean, one of the most ridiculous ideas in film history is that James Bond shares his name so much it becomes a catch phrase of the film. But instead of playing around with this idea of fake identities, the film just kind of leaves it there. In the end, Agent Vinod is just ..Agent Vinod, some guy who's good at kicking unmerciful ass when need be and who's addicted to the thrills provided by his job. Wow, colour me invested.

Which leads me to my next big gripe. Remember that pivotal scene in Omkara where Langda gets slighted and we see a couple of seconds of betrayal and hurt and anguish in his face, and then he blinks it away and is already plotting his revenge? I look at Saif Ali Khan in this film and wonder if that was the same guy in both performances, because it does not feel like it. Even as a fan, I would never try to talk up his acting abilities and compare them to those of the exceptionally talented Indian actors, but he has his moments, and he can achieve quite subtle, interesting things with his acting. In here, the character that is quite hollow in terms of characterisation remains hollow thanks to the acting. The cool-as-a-cucumber thing works well in action, but there are so many moments that are more quiet and that have potential for him to do something extra, add something to this character who is just kind of plain. And he doesn't.

And honestly, that does bother me.  He's got no excuses, he's the producer and with a good director, who he's worked with before. He could do so much more with this role. Instead he just does his usual. Whoopdedoo. Moving on.

Kareena gets the same complaint. I kept waiting for there to be more backstory, something more interesting added to her role, but since there wasn't anything, and it was good, but it wasn't anything beyond that. There's also no thought put into the romantic angle; the two fall in love somewhere along the way, I guess, and the film flirts with the idea that Vinod meets a lot of sexy dangerous women in his line of work (Bond style) but neither of these things are contrasted or expanded upon. What makes Kareena's character special? The script gives us very little to build off on.

The problem with the film isn't that it's horrible; it's extremely competently made, and has things in that are extremely commendable. The use of foreign locations is always great, and fits the story as it progresses. The camerawork, editing and action sequences are great, and there are some definite stand-out scenes, like the scene where the scene cuts back and forth between present and a flashback of Vinod's previous encounter with a certain individual, or the single-shot shoot out, accompanied by a song. There's plenty of stuff here where you're forced to just go, "wow, that's cool". The song sequences don't jar, either, and are very well used within the context of the plot. There are multiple good elements and that's partly why this film is so aggravating to me.

Sriram Raghavan had a million pieces moving in the way that the plot came together in Johnny Gaddaar, and delivered a more simple but good thriller in Ek Hasina Thi. He knows his film references, but he's usually not bogged down by them - the story moves forward and juggles different elements. In here, the plot is just not as interesting, and not as complex. Unlike EHT where you're simultaneously disturbed and cheering the main character on, in here I found myself with barely any lukewarm emotions towards any of the characters, good or bad. I've seen other reviews mention the absolute lack of humour, and concur - this film certainly needed it, especially when it could use Saif's in delivery.

Were my expectations just too high? I don't think so. I just know what everybody involved is capable of, and rather than giving their everything, it seemed they put together something that is competent and has thought put into it, but is lackluster as a whole. I keep wondering about scale; perhaps Agent Vinod would've been better with one or two less locations, one or two less bad guys or characters, maybe 30 or so minutes chopped off the running length. Maybe that squeezing down of the scale would've allowed for tighter plot, better characters, and less of this hollowness of the grand scale variety.

Bollywood free association.

[This is the post you write when you really don't know what else to write about - essentially, one of those exercises they always make you do in writing classes, just writing whatever comes to mind on that moment, clearing your head. ]

I really want to see Agent Vinod, not just because I've been waiting for it for a small eternity but because, well, I feel like I want to believe in a film again, and also wow, remember when Saif used to be good? You might not, it's been like six years, six goddamn years! Unbelievable. And also, remember when Salman wasn't good? And now he's in pretty much everything and he's always pretty much pretty good, or you know, Salman good, which on the scale from one to Salman is pretty friggin' Salman.

I don't know, it just comes back to that old problem of having to keep my distance because my access to films is so limited. There's no use in getting swept up in the hype when forced to wait for a DVD release and I don't want to get all, "you don't know how lucky some of you are, kids" but hey you don't know how lucky some of you are, apart from those of you who aren't, and come to think of it, a lot of you might be worse off than me in terms of Indian film shortages so what am I even talking about it.

I was talking about Robot with a friend of mine who also saw it at the film festival I saw and we had the best time just recalling everything that happened and everything that happened that didn't make a lick of sense (which was most of it, to be honest) and I just kept wanting to show my friend some Shankar films that do actually make some sense because I guess I just want to make sure that she would understand why I don't think his films are as rubbish as Robot kind of was, in terms of characterisation and story, and don't you just hate it when people - whoever those people may be, fans or haters or whatevers - assume that's just how Indian films are, senseless and pointless? Like yes, some, of course, Hollywood has got Fast & Furious, too, and did you see Transformers 2 (I didn't) but still there's characterisation there and

Wow, I really should rewatch Lagaan. I always wonder what are other people's "I really need to rewatch that" films because I feel like I'm personally always just rewatching some and then letting others rot in my DVD shelf even though it'd do me good to re-evaluate how much I like them now, like Beth mentioned Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron and I was like "holy hell I saw that way back when I was a newbie and liked it but did I even get any of it? I got that it was a dark comedy and Naseeruddin Shah as a youngster" so anyway I guess my point was that I need to rewatch that.

And also I guess Naseer-saab wasn't that much of a youngster in JBDY but you know, I'm a young kid, I ride shotgun.

It's been such a long while since Bollywood stars have made guest appearances in my dreams and that's pretty sad in a way, like you always hope that you end up with dreams full of magic and wonder, but the other week I had a dream where I just made awesome to-do lists and worse yet, Vikram was not on that list and

..now I am really uncomfortable with that joke even as I made it because again, being such a youngster, I'm reminded, Vikram's older than my dad, so like

These things are best just not thought of at all. But I do genuinely want to see Agent Vinod, and I should hope it's a good film.

Veracious versus Saif: An Imaginary Chat

Saif: So we're making a sequel to Main Khiladi Tu Anari.

Veracious: Shut up. You're not!

Saif: That's correct, we're not making one at all. In fact, there are no plans. I just happen to say something to the press, and they completely misunderstand it.

Veracious: That can be a problem when you deal with a middle-man when making statements. Why not just release everything on your own, like say, via Twitter?

Saif: Me, on Twitter?

Veracious: You're right, it's probably a terrible idea. Nevermind.

Saif: Now I'm a bit insulted. I'm a thinking wo/man's actor. I made Being Cyrus, you know?

Veracious: Dude, you made Race. There was no thought involved in that.

Saif: Shakespeare was also not appreciated during his time..

Veracious: Actually, Shakespeare was very liked in his day. You Shakespearean you.

Saif: I can't believe you spelled Shakespearean correctly.

Veracious: Whatever. When's Agent Vinod coming out? Flick's been in the making for like four years. What gives?

Saif: Who knows. Sriram's a perfectionist. He's my bhai, though, we'll get it done.

Veracious: Four years, though.

Saif: I don't believe in the concept of years now that I've got a young girlfriend.

Veracious: Wow. Why do I imagine you as such a douchebag?

Saif: You're a bad fan, anyway. Did you ever even see Kurbaan?

Veracious: Shut up, and go make that MKTA sequel.

Saif: How about a remake?

Veracious: You leave the casting to me, and it's a deal.

Saif: Isn't talking to yourself the first sign of madness?

Veracious: First, I'm typing this. And second, I don't believe in madness. You know what I believe in?

Saif: What?

Veracious: M.A.D.-ness.

Saif: Oh god..

Veracious:

Mini-reviews, part eight.

[Previous mini-reviews here. In short, the idea is to write miniature film reviews out of a randomized list of what I had watched at a certain point in time. Nowadays the list would be about 30 films longer but I'll continue to do these until the list is finished..]

71. Meera (1979) - This Gulzar-directed gem was quite possibly the first or the second Vinod Khanna film I ever saw, about the life of Hindu saint Mirabai, and I fell in love with it. It's a bit slow in pace so might not be everybody's cup of chai, but I love it, for the haunting atmosphere, for Hema Malini's performance, and last but not least, Vinod.

72. Sethu (1999) - Vikram's first big break in films, a tale of obsessive love, later remade in Hindi as Tere Naam (which I've not seen). It's certainly a good film and a good performance by him, but doesn't really make it to my top favourites.

73. Tashan (2008) - It's complicated between me and Tashan. Some days I think it's a criminally underrated gem, other days I think it's a flawed but fun masala rollercoaster ride. Most often I think that regardless of its bad reputation and its a little too tryhard plot, people really ought to give it a chance. Akki is awesome in it, as is Bebo. The fact there's too little Sakshay in it kills me, but it's something I've learned to get over.

74. Bhool Bhulaiyaa (2007) - It probably pales in comparison to the Southie versions of the story but it's a decent Priyadarshan film anyway. A little masala, a little ghost story, excellent climax and somewhat memorable performances from Akshay and Vidya Balan.

75. Parineeta (2005) - This is one of those films I probably should have watched once and called it good. But then I rewatched it like three or four additional times and was considerably worn out. It's a good romantic role for Saif and an excellent debut by Vidya Balan, but it is still a flawed film and the flaws become more and more distracting the more I've watched it.

76. The Namesake (2006) - Tabu and Irffan together! Kal Penn being his awesome self! This film was so good when I initially saw it, pitch-perfect at every step, but the more time wore on, the less I liked it. It's a strange one, but as one of those films that people who normally don't watch Indian films see, it's worth seeing.

77. Keemat: They Are Back (1998) - An absolute Sakshay classic. I'm proud to say the cheesiest film poster on my walls is of this one, and it's an utter winner with the pleather worn by the guys and the random musical instruments shown off by the girls. The above DVD cover is no less of a winner. Keemat is .. well, it's probably an average funtime 90's cheesefest. But to me, it's something else. Namely, it's a Sakshay film where I also really like the heroines (Sonali and Raveena kick ass in this!). But you know..

78. Dillagi (1978) - It's a very sweet, low-key romantic comedy with Hema Malini and Dharmendra. I think it's most memorable for the fact Dharam plays a poetic Sanskrit teacher, and not a He-Man type of character. Never the less, I've never actually rewatched this one. Time might just golden memories..?

79. ...Yahaan (2005) - Filmed through a million blue-hue filters, this is quite a lovely film about Kashmir conflict, and the story of one soldier (Jimmy Shergill) and a local girl (Minissha Lamba in her debut role!). It's another one I really ought to rewatch... I own it so I guess I must've liked it but cannot for the life of me remember why.

80. Dhool (2003) - Absolutely stellar comedy/romance/action flick in Tamil; my first Tamil masala; my first Vikram film; one of my all-time favourites. I could watch the picturizations until cows come home. It's just so good and so much fun and Jothika is an awesome spunky sort of heroine here and Vikram just looks his best and yeah. Watch it. Watch it again.

Fruits of procrastination: 90's Saif fanvideo.

The mullet, the dance moves.. so many good reasons not to watch a Saif film from the 90's. And yet, so many of us have despite our human rationality.

Clips used from Dil Tera Deewana, Main Khiladi Tu Anari, Hamesha & Suraksha. I haven't seen DTD or Suraksha but I have a song DVD with songs from them. The Dil Tera Deewana song is so godawful I may upload it in full.

Thoughts on awards, functions and what any of it means.

Sorry for blog silence. University stress hit me like a ton of bricks and my head hasn't been in the right place for Indian film watching/pondering. Except now. Thanks for the overwhelming response to the celeb Tweet posts, I promise I'll try to do more in the future.

So news hit today of various National Award winners and though I haven't seen that much response coming from people who enjoy Bollywood, there is some, and it is somewhat puzzled. People are used to thinking of Filmfare, Stardust etc as fluffy award ceremonies - watched for the stars, the performances, the red carpet photos and acceptance speeches. Nobody is necessarily under any illusion that the best movie will win, or the best actor, or indeed anybody. And yet the consensus seems to also be that it's nice to see your favourite films get a bit of honor.

National Awards is a different ballgame. This is the respectable, considered stuff. This is the stuff some Malayalam film you've never heard of wins. This is the awards Shyam Benegal has piles of in his cupboards. This is the awards that truly seems to look at Indian cinema at a whole; all industries. Therefore the winners are typically from Tamil, Telugu, Malayalam, Bengali.. the biggest non-Hindi industries, with the occasional Hindi winner here and there (for example, the category for Best Popular Film Providing Wholesome Entertainment is pretty much always a Hindi film). The winers are typically from alternative, more arthouse cinema.

The reason I lay down these basics is that it seems some people are puzzled and a bit miffed that Priyanka Chopra got the Best Actress Award for Fashion. It does seem a bit odd. If they are looking at all 2008 Indian films, it would seem odd that Priyanka Chopra's, whose skills have frankly never really impressed me, rates above all of them. I haven't seen Fashion, but even so. I'm not against her winning; I just find it somewhat surprising.

With that said, I'm stuck because I keep landing on the question; does it matter?

The pictures in this post are of past National Award winners (none in the films their won for). Vikram won Best Actor for Pithamagan in 2004 and the next year, Saif Ali Khan won the same award for .. wait for it ... Hum Tum. Shabana Azmi has won Best Actress more times than I can count.

Vikram I'll honestly agree with, because I think even if I distanced myself from my insane love for his masala fare, the step he took as an actor in Pithamagan and Bala's direction complementing it is well enough. Saif's an odd choice. Especially for Hum Tum. I mean, I love him and I adore the movie - it's among my most rewatched Bollywood flicks of all time - but ...a National Award? In the same year he had Ek Hasina Thi? Oh, if only they'd known to wait for Omkara..

So there have definitely been quizzical choices in the past. And I'm sure every time somebody you've seen in a movie that didn't blow you away will grab one of these, it'll be a bone of contention. If it's a Southie flick you've never heard of, you're not likely to argue the issue, right?

But as I asked before, does it really matter, what wins and what doesn't? Be it National Awards, Filmfare, Stardust or Na-real? The more the global media is getting psyched about the Oscars and whether Avatar (ugh let's not go there again) will sweep it, the less I realize I genuinely care. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love some Oscar-winning films a ton. And sometimes those awards, be they from European movie festivals, Indian award ceremonies or the Oscars, make me appreciate the films I love even more. But in general, I don't really care. I rarely end up watching the Oscar-winning films. I don't necessarily even bother to keep up with what's winning what on the Bolly side of things.

What makes a film stand the test of time? I mean, we forget about stuff all the time, because there's only so many things you can remember. I suppose the worst thing for a film is not necessarily to bomb in the box office or not win any awards, but to be forgotten in the public consciousness. Not be remembered as a film worth watching, or simply not remembered at all. I remember looking through the list of past Filmfare winners and noticed some films I'd never even heard of. Consider for example, Be-Imaan, which swept the Filmfares in 1972. You seen it? You heard of it? '72 being the year of such films as Seeta aur Geeta and Pakeezah. How come those two are much more well-known and watched than this award-winner (as far as I know anyway)?

I don't know, how do you feel about this? Do awards matter in the long run? Or are they just good for entertainment, a bit of TV programming with stars, glitz and filmi jokes? What truly makes a film classic, one people will remember decades from now?

IFAC #19: The obligatory Analytics post.

Every blogspot blogger loves Google Analytics, because to find out what people search for to end up on our blogs is hilarious. I've often mentioned these hilarious searches to people over IM but never made the obligatory "search key words" post. So here it is, get ready!

1. "haiku of farhan khan"

Um.. Either they mean Farah Khan or Farhan Akhtar. Since the latter one inspires more poetry in me, I'll freestyle a haiku. However, as it so happens, I don't really know how syllables work in English and haiku-ing in Finnish is easier so I'll just do that.

voi Farhan mä en
nimeäsi hämmennä
lohi sukeltaa.

Translation: Oh Farhan, I don't / confuse your name / the salmon dives.

2. "cultural proximity in kabhi kushi kabhi gham"

Hot damn, them's big words. While I wish I was able to pick apart KJo's films using such interesting terminology, I kind of don't have the interest, so ..sorry!

3. "im white but like bollywood movies"

Um. You're not alone?

4. "look a shiny thing"

Sorry, not much sparkle here! Unless you find Indian films shiny, which I personally do.

5. "purab kohli wife"

Dude, if I was his wife, I would not spend my days blogging about films. Or maybe I would, but I would also keep a secret blog secretively titled "HOLY SHIT you guys I am Purab Kohli's wife how did my life get this awesome?!".

Disclaimer: I don't know if Purab Kohli has a wife, and if he does, I mean no disrespect to his wife by the above paragraph. I'm sure if she exists, she has better things to do than keep a blog. As would I, if I was really his wife.. God this paragraph is getting creepier than the last one, I better stop writing it.

6. "what is it called when they dance at the end of indian movies"

I think it's just called a dance at the end of a movie. If it's during the credits and obviously has nothing to do with the film, it could be a promotional song. Why am I answering a random Googler's question seriously?

7. "why did they dance slumdog millionaire"

I bet this and the person before are the same guy. Sigh. Listen, dude. Boyle came to India and worked with a lot of Indians and probably got an idea to end his movie off with a dance sequence in "Bollywood style" even though it wasn't really Bollywood style because Bollywood films rarely end on an elaborate song and dance sequence because audiences in Indian theaters typically start leaving when they know how the movie ends and don't stick around for the credits. It's just a little homage. It's no big deal in the context of Slumdog.

8. "mullet dance"

Nobody wants to see a mullet dance, yaar. Unless it's at the end of Slumdog Millionaire, in which case I would know Danny Boyle really knew his Indian films..

9. "manpain definition"

Angsty dudes. Come to think of it, I don't use this often enough to have it in my intro post's glossary. Shame, self, shame.

10. "saif"

Short and simple. I hope he had "SaifSearch" turned on! Ha ha ha -- oh forget it.

IFAC #18: Love, then and now - the Saif fangirl conundrum.

I was going to rehash another Livejournal post, one about my favourite Indian actors, and just repost it. But then I got all troubled about the list being years old, and which changes I'd have to make to it and whether I could really put everybody in order of preference in the first place.

The main problem was that the list had Saif Ali Khan as my favourite Indian actor. Now, maybe in 2007 that was easy enough, but since then my relationship with Saif as an actor has become very difficult and bizarre and strangely problematic for somebody who's seen over 20 of his films (more films than I've seen by any other actor, I should point out).

I wonder if it's just the films he's been in and the picks he's made. Like I said in my 2006 post, it's really easy to be a fan when the guy does movies like Omkara and Being Cyrus. But since '06? It's a list of disappointments of varying degrees.

I did not enjoy Eklavya much. I had a major problem with Tara Rum Pum. Race was absolute garbage, and no amount of shirtlessness could save it (yes, that bad). Tashan is a movie that makes me bipolar - one day I love it to death, the next day I sigh at the wasted opportunity. Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic is actually the most recent movie of his that I really love. Too bad I'm the only one (poor Kunal Kohli - if I ever get to meet him, I'll buy him a cup of chai and I can tell him, "I get what you were doing, yaar. I get it.")

Now there's Love Aaj Kaal and Kurbaan, two '09 releases I haven't seen yet and honestly, I don't know when I will. I feel obligated, in the same way I feel obligated to follow the careers of my other big favourites. Only it's a lot easier to watch a Vikram film or an Aamir film. With Saif I've sort of tied myself into this weird fangirl continuity, because there's an emotional investment, however small, in how his career's going. Not just in terms of box office, since I'm BO-ignorant in general. It's more about how good the movies are, and how well he does in them. I have no clue whether I'll even like LAK - something tells me I won't like Kurbaan.

Anyway, this is way too many words on quite a simple subject at the end of the day. I'm a fairly critical person, but poor Saif, with his godawful early career, often gets me on my most critical. I just don't want him to go down the Crapola Path again. And so I'm continuously overly harsh. But it's love, really.

Well, most of the time, it's love. Other times, it's complicated.

IFAC #16: Youtube gem re: best film ever.

Yes, it is indeed a Making Of/promotional interviews for Main Khiladi Tu Anari. I remember watching this and trying to decipher the Hindi in it. I think at some point Saif says a film like this has never been made before. Correctomundo!

IFAC #9: Ek Hasina Thi. Oh my.

I got the laptop I'm typing on in summer 2006, after graduating from senior high school. I was pretty psyched. Finally my own computer, where I could save whatever I liked without fear of anybody going through it! I could play my DVD's in the comfort of my room, in peace. And most importantly, I could screencap the heck out of any DVD I owned.

The first film I screencapped? Ek Hasina Thi, Sriram Raghavan's debut thriller from 2004, starring Urmila Matondkar and Saif Ali Khan.

I don't really discuss this movie much, because I feel like most have seen it and appreciate without me kicking up a fuss and announcing how madly I love it. But I do, love it that is. Madly, too. And why wouldn't I? It's an intense film, well-directed and scripted and the performances are extremely memorable. It only has one song, the titular "Ek hasina thi" (There was once a beautiful girl). And purely from a superficial perspective, it's well-shot and Urmila and Saif both look amazing.

Another reason I don't often talk about it is because talking about it would mean giving much of the plot away. If I'd have my way, the only thing anybody would ever know of this movie, prior to seeing it would be the DVD cover with blood running down side, pictures of the two leads and the tag line: "It started like just another love story..."

Because that's really all you need to know. The story is nowhere near as complex and inventive as Raghavan's later Johnny Gaddaar but it's still worth not spoiling much, just for the sake of the new viewer who has the benefit of seeing how it folds out in front of their eyes. It's really no surprise, considering this is a thriller, that even if the beginning could on paper be a start of a love story, the mood makes it clear this is far, far from it.

As you can imagine, there is deceit, there is crime, and there is blood but no romance to speak of. When I first saw EHT, just that blew me away - it was one of the first, if not THE first starkly non-masala films I'd seen at that point. Nowadays, I admit I might not be so impressed with it. But I'm glad I saw it when I saw it, I'm glad for the numerous rewatches I've given it, and I'm glad to have the DVD on my shelf.

Whether you'll love it as much as I do -- I sincerely doubt it, but I do recommend it a lot all the same. It's a must watch, if not for the masala lover, then at least for fans of the leads, or those who enjoy a darker Hindi fare.

Or for any superficial reason you can think of. Any excuse to post more screencaps of this will do.

IFAC #8: Wayback machine to filmi year 2006.

Decided to shorten the title; I think everybody's pretty aware of my spamtastic December posting dealio.

This is a classification of 2006 films, taken from my livejournal. It was posted in late 2006, and represents my views back then - some might've changed but overall I pretty much feel the same way. Consider the context when reading!


Creme de la creme

Omkara
Lage Raho Munnabhai

Both films exceptionally clever, entertaining and worth rewatching (I've already re-watched both an unbelievable amount of times). These are my two top favourites of the year and both have those tiny little things I'd fix about them, they're still awesome cinema in my eyes. Omkara naturally more of the artistically ambitioned, drama-heavy type and LRM commercial comedy, but both have fantastic writing and directing behind them and top-notch performances.


OMG-worthy

Rang De Basanti - All around interesting, daring movie. Fantastic cast and soundtrack, plus no matter what you thought of the ending, it did leave its mark on the audience. Good writing, too - I connected with the characters pretty much instantly.

Being Cyrus - Had its share of flaws (no debutant director can make that great a film) but boy, was it good. I'm totally biased of course, as a fan of Saif and a fan of really odd, black comedy type of films, but all the same, this movie pretty much succeeded in what it was going for.


Jaan-e-Mann - Same as BC when it comes to debutant directors. Shirish Kunder might be a overcocky a-hole but JEM still brought something wonderful on the table. Fab soundtrack, hilarious moments, even good when it gets emotional. Severe flaws but still filled me with all kinds of glee; the parody and self-referential humor owns me.

Flawed but oh oh so dear to me

Fanaa - I think the hype killed this movie for many, which is sad, because when you love it, you just do it and all the bad stuff just seems unimportant. That is, they don't distract me from enjoying this movie. The fantastic performances and the grippingly angsty love story blew me away. It could be so much better, I'll admit, but I'll take it as it is, flawed and wonderful.

Good, enjoyable

Pyar Ke Side Effects - It's like Hollywood shipped their format of romantic comedy to Mumbai, when they realized they couldn't do anything with said format, and the Indians spun it into a fantastically entertaining little romantic film.

36 China Town - Mispromoted, funny film with a working cast, the least annoying Himesh soundtrack of the year. Convinced me that Shahid's okay, Kareena can be hilarious and that Akshaye Khanna can be smoking hot. Okay, the last one didn't need no proving but all the same. One minus remains Upen Patel.


Dhoom 2 - Abhithik hotness, hilarious stunts and Uday being a clown definitely made it a film worth seeing. The girls I could easily erase, except Bips on the second half maybe, and the soundtrack is madly catchy. Overall vapid as hell but still great fun.

Better luck next time!

Phir Hera Pheri - Hit all the right notes on the first half and all the wrong ones during the second. Not a bad sequel but still the worst of the lot.

Ankahee - Esha Deol's learning how to act! Yay! Sadly the movie is hopelessly boring on the second half.

Gangster - Style over substance. I liked parts of it, visually nice (I love 'em filters!) but still failed to impress. Damn catchy, though rip-off soundtrack, though.

Malamaal Weekly - Goddammit, Priyadarshan, can we stop with the copy game? This one provided a few laughs but the shameless copying takes away a lot of the fun in hindsight.

I'll pay you NOT to make any more movies

Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna - I don't understand how a film can aggravate me so much. I really don't. Whatever positives there were, well, they didn't make it worth the annoying, dragging second half.

--

Thoughts now: Wow, I was strangely glued onto Bollywood in 2006! But then, it was all too easy to be, considering all the fantastic movies that came out then. I can't believe I saw Malamaal Weekly and the likes - what was I thinking? I remember being hugely opposed to the Don remake, and 'lo and behold, when I eventually saw it, I quite enjoyed it. Shows you how minds change with the times..

I still adore LRM, RDB and Omkara. Rewatches of Jaan-e-mann showed me that film doesn't really impact me as it did on the first watch. I am thankful for it, though, because it showed me how enjoyable I can find Akshay Kumar - this was I believe the first film what I loved him in. Seeing Fanaa again has shown me I still adore the film, if only for the incredible second half.

Been a long while since I last watched Being Cyrus. It's a good film, but not one to watch on a rainy day. Still, 2006 was perhaps the best year to be a Saif fan ...ever. Oh, the good old days..

Indian Film Advent Calendar #7: Wordless Saif Edition.

(Sources: Dil Chahta Hai DVD extras; Eklavya; photoshoot; Ek Hasina Thi, Darna Mana Hai.)

Indian Film Advent Calendar #3: Middle-class is the new poor.

There are very few movies I loathe so much I quit watching them and never went back, and never regretted making that decision. Even if the film stars two favourites.

Ta Ra Rum Pum, a 2007 YRF family film by director Siddharth Anand, is one such film. This film is the grossest example of the problem Qalandari eloquently discusses Kurbaan but more modern Hindi cinema in general in this article of his on OutLook India. Instead of whinging as many do, about whatever happened to the heroes of yore, Big B type heroes, he zeroes in on problems of representation; rich, urban, young North-Indian Hindus (whose religion is barely visible with no temple iconography in sight) are the norm characters, and everybody else, be they South-Indian, Muslim, Sikh, poorer, rural is the Other.

But go read the article, because I'm not focusing on issues of representation. In the case of TRRP, the problem isn't so much that poor people are invisible, but that whoever wrote the script (IMDb gives this name: Habib Faisal) has obviously lived an incredibly isolated life among the elite, without a care in the world about what it might be like not to be super-rich, leading a luxurious lifestyle.

TRRP in short is about the economic downfall (and eventual rise) of race car driver played by Saif Ali Khan. He has a wife (Rani Mukherji) and kids and earns millions, but spends those millions carelessly and when he crashes during a race, he finds himself with no career, no house and his family knee-deep in debt. As the family lives in New York, they are forced to move into a semi-dingy apartment and live a middle class/lower middle class life on the American standards.

Stupid story, but not really a problem, if it wasn't for the way these events are portrayed in the movie. The children are distraught, crying! The palace of a home switched to a dusty, spider-webbed apartment! Saif has to work as a taxi driver! Rani has to work in the lowest tier of jobs as a pianist at private functions (ugh I think I'm going to be sick)! The angst! The woe! The pain!

No, wait a minute. They went from super-rich to middle class. They can still afford to eat. Both of the parents have jobs. The kids can still go to school. As far as I can tell, they're not really struggling to make the ends meet. I mean, sure, it sucks that anybody suffers rough economic downfall and has to reduce their standard of living. But even that doesn't make this supposed tragedy of a situation any less idiotic. Saif's character lost his fortunes because of his own stupidity (even if they sort of try to pin his downfall on the evilness of the white villain). Whoop-de-damn-doo. The angst portrayed of him earning a living in an ordinary profession and not a glamorous, privileged one is just mind-boggling.

I keep thinking how insulting this storyline is to viewers in India really struggling to make ends meet. Hell, it'd be insulting even if this wasn't a movie financed in India, a nation with a visible, horrible problem with poverty. It'd be disgusting if it was an American film. It'd be disgusting just about anywhere in the world. To encapsulate the problem here in three simple letters: WTF?!

Back to the topic of the usual whine; why don't we see heroes with ordinary professions, even lower class professions? TRRP is a terrible film that should be disregarded in most discussions, but in this case it's symptomatic of a larger problem. Why is working in a regular job painted as such an awful fate? Are the Bollywood elite really so out of touch with reality? Again: WTF?!

I should point out I don't necessarily oppose to super-rich characters in Bollywood; they have become a staple of the industry and I've come to accept that. But there is having rich characters and then there is portraying anything but richness as the most terrible thing ever. When it goes to that gross extreme, anybody who's ever worked a lower level job for a day in their lives is allowed to be and perhaps should be insulted.

Indian Film Advent Calendar #1: mullet!Saif.

Five reasons to never watch a single 90's Saif Ali Khan film:

..and one reason to do so despite the above:

(First screencaps from a song DVD, so can't identify each movie. Last screencap from MKTA.)

Darna mana hai? Darna mushkil hai, yaar..

(With my barely existing Hindi skills the title of this post is supposed to say "Fear is forbidden? To fear is difficult, man..")

Last night was another NIF movie night. For those of you unaware, NIF is a term originating from the Bollywhat? forums, where it was decided that N(on-)I(ndian)F(ilm person) would refer to those who primarily consume non-Indian entertainment and aren't familiar or (yet) keen on Indian films in general. I have two friends who are still NIFs essentially but we've formed a habit of meeting up with me coming to their apartment, a handful of Indian movies in hand. Altogether we've matched tens of Indian films from my collection, and while some haven't been successes, I'm clearly doing something right; one of my friends bought Rang De Basanti for herself earlier this year.

There's also another, less clearly defined group of NIFs I'm semi-regularly showing Hindi films to; some friends from university. Attendance was high on the first meeting when we watched Lage Raho Munnabhai, but low on second meeting when only three guys made it. To cater to stereotypical "guy tastes", I didn't shove Hum Tum into my DVD player, but we instead watched Sholay, which was a tad too long for their attention span, but they liked it. So much can be said for that classic - it might be alien to those unfamiliar with Indian cinema, but dammit, it simply works!

But now I throw this to you? Since I do a lot of rewatching with my NIF buddies, even during the dry periods when I tend to not watch much new stuff myself, I tend to want to write about them, as I have in the past, but are they interesting for you all to read about? My blog is essentially for my own views, and it can be weird to read those of total strangers, but naturally during these rewatch posts I'll also shed light on how the rewatch changed my view on the film, or if it did at all.


So since it was so close to Halloween - though we Finns don't celebrate - I picked the only horror-esque/scary-ish Bollywood film I had in my collection (unless scary means really, really bad, in which case I have more than this one) and through the luck of a random draw, this became the film of the evening.

I suppose it deserves a mention as I discuss the RGV-produced Darna Mana Hai (Fear is forbidden, 2003), which I saw around three years back during my biggest "I must see everything Saif Ali Khan was in!"-phase, I bought it simply because Saif looked hot on the cover. To be specific, Ek Hasina Thi-esque. Yes, that hot. For that reason, I only really have screencaps of his and Boman's bit of the story.

I warned my friends, "This is not a scary movie. This is a freaky, hilarious movie." DMH has six separate ghost stories wrapped in a framework of a stereotypical slasher plot of a story; seven friends get stranded on a road in the middle of nowhere after their car breaks down. They make a bonfire and start sharing ghost stories to each other. Naturally a killer creeps in the forest around them.

The first story, starring Sohail Khan and Antara Mali, is actually a tiny bit creepy. The direction varies from story to story, sometimes rather radically. Salim-Sulaiman's music composition for the movie is appropriately freaky, but a little too much so - it just seems like they went a bit too crazy with it. Since the movie really isn't scary at all, creating jump scares with weird sound effects just comes off as goofy.

But while the first story might actually have some hope as to this being a scary movie, the second story shatters all such illusion. The story of Anil, a photographer spending a night in a remote hotel run by a peculiar character (Boman Irani), starts out with some tension but ends up just being hilarious in its exaggerated nature. Both actors do a fine job, don't get me wrong - I quite love them in this - but the story itself is just quite something else. You have to see it to believe it.

But here's a hint for you.

Around this story my friends began realizing this really was a movie to be enjoyed in a less serious manner. The story of Raghuvir Yadav as a teacher haunted by the fact a little girl does her homework is probably the weakest of all the stories, but the next story, with Shilpa Shetty and co-starring apples, saves the film by being a total riot (somewhat intentionally I would hope!).

Vivek Oberoi and Nana Patekar's story about a midnight hitchhiker probably delivers the best twist out of all the stories, and the last one starring Aftab Shivdasani getting weird powers from a god began to test our collective patience with the movie. The worst part? It wasn't over yet! Still tens of minutes to watch Sameera Reddy try to escape the hands of a demented killer in the middle of the forest. At least the other crappy actors they got to the framework story were out of the picture at that point (not really a spoiler, you figure so much out from the get go).

The film ends on another twist, naturally, and then we get credits along with some more badly mixed dance music. These factors made one of my friends announce, "This is probably the worst film I've ever seen. And that includes Twilight." I replied, "Oh come on, you can't possibly mean that!". She immediately backtracked, "Okay, maybe not. But out of the ones we've seen so far.."

It's true, Darna Mana Hai is quite possibly the most mediocre out of the films I've provided them with so far. But it has its charm, for the mini-stories, the goofy twists, the scary apples! And if the tag line of the film is, "jo darr gaya, woh mar gaya" (he who fears, dies) then shouldn't we just be glad there's no way in hell we're going to be scared during this film?

So that's my non-pick for the Halloween. Happy Halloween to all those who celebrate. Those who don't, enjoy the weekend!