Indian Film Advent Calendar #2: The Accidental Marathon.

This is a story of a marathon gone either incredibly right, or incredibly wrong. I had a friend over once. The friend is female, around my age, and Finnish, but for the sake of maximum confusion, I shall call them Steve. Steve's seen quite a lot of Bollywood, all sorts, and even if she doesn't actively look up new films, she definitely likes them. It'd been a while since I'd shown her anything new, so I was eager to make her watch something. We had trouble deciding what to watch when I suddenly got an idea.

"I should show you Khiladi," I said. "It's so 90's and it's got Akshay fighting and all that good stuff."

Steve was game for it.

"We'll stop half-way through, though," I added. "The second half is simply really boring."

We began the movie and Steve was enthralled. The cheese! The action! The brilliance of keyboard-composed sound effects! When we got to the part where the plot takes a twist for the worse, she refused to let me stop the film. "Let's just keep watching." And so I suffered through the mediocre suspense plot of the second half, but at least Steve was happy. "I kind of love this film now," she said.

Then I thought I'd again show a bit of Saawariya, to introduce two of Bollywood's newest faces to Steve, who hadn't really seen the really new batch of films. The film may be pretty, but it's also quite a borefest, which even the Khiladi-loving Steve noticed. We remarked on Ranbir's face and acting, and a bit on Sonam, and then I told her that the Region 2 DVD release has an English audio track for the visually impaired - an English narration track of sorts. For laughs, we began watching it.

And then we kind of never stopped, skipping only a few scenes and then finishing the movie. The narration track was just so amusing, getting some things wrong (like saying Salman's character has his hands up "as if he is praying" when he clearly is praying), getting lyrics wrong, and amusing voice overs for Bollywood actors (like Salman's one made him sound like a really perverted older British man). Quite a joy, that audio track, but also bizarre - especially considering how much the visuals are the sole appeal for this film.



Ishq was a film I actually intended to show Steve, after spamming her with links to the songs on Facebook. This is really the quintessential 90's Bollywood film, after all. Not to say it's the best, or even remotely good. But Ishq is what it is; the most over-the-top, outrageously great bad movie you could think of. A story of evil rich people and prejudice against poor people, a story of absolute crazy love, filled with slapstick and silly fashion and a painfully simplistic Anu Malik soundtrack, Ishq is a kind of questionable masterpiece. And it's amazing that a cast so famous, so well-known and acclaimed in terms of acting could come together in a film this bad, where all of them act bad. (Yes, even Aamir. Yes, even Kajol.)

Needless to say, I loved rewatching it, and Steve enjoyed watching it. Tears and monkeys and setting-oneself-on-fire included.

By this point the fact that we were overlooking some really good movies in my collection for some mediocre and lame ones had become an inside joke. There was no chance of this becoming a classy film marathon, I wasn't going to pop in a classic and hope for a sudden turnaround. So utterly randomly, I mentioned Katrina Kaif and then realized Steve hadn't actually seen a film with her in it. Time for Namastey London!

As far as not-great films go, NL is top class, though. The story of Katrina's bratty Brit with Punjabi roots and Akshay's handsome farm bumpkin is brought down a bit by the film's rampant anti-British sentiments. There is only one mildly likable white character, the rest are awful racists and assholes. However, in the love story department, the movie excels. It's just a really lovely, fun watch, the kind of nice film for a rainy day.

And it will never stop being funny that Katrina's assy British boyfriend character is called "Charlie Brown".

But I think I made a mistake in trying to turn our "Crap To Mediocre To So Bad It's Good" marathon into something quite different by popping in an actual very beloved favourite of mine and many others, Jab We Met. My thinking was again one of introduction - Steve hadn't seen a single Shahid Kapoor film, and surely that should be a sin in these post-Kaminey days! Retrospectively I think I should've gone for 36 Chinatown, another Shahid-Kareena film, much more fitting to our silly marathon in terms of quality.

Why do I say this? Because to Steve, this film was very fitting - she absolutely loathed it. She hated both main characters, she didn't like the storyline, she didn't find anything appealling about it, and for me to tell her the film was actually quite popular further confirmed her dislike of it. I can't really remember why she didn't like it; something about the characters simply didn't click with her.

But the tragedy of how bad JWM had gone down, there was nothing that a little high-spirited rock'n'roll couldn't fix, so I put in Rock On!! (presence of Farhan Akhtar helped cure yours truly of all blues as well). While this may not have become the huge, unbelievable favourite that Khiladi was to Steve, she enjoyed this one a lot more than JWM. I think as long-time rock fans it's nice to see enthusiasm for this genre in its rawest form, a simple celebration of music. You can see rock is still somewhat underground in India, but there is buzz around it, and there's enthusiasm among makers and fans, and that's what matters.

It doesn't hurt that the film's solid in terms of acting, direction and just about everything.

We ended the marathon by reading the karaoke lyrics on the DVD's bonus disc for Sinbad the Sailor.

Rock on, Accidental Marathon. Rock on.

Ajeev lagta hai, or: more NIF experiences.

I haven't really been watching Indian movies in the past two weeks or so. Correction: I haven't really been watching new Indian films as of late, even with my awesome pile of Southie flicks and my existing pile of unwatched Hindi DVD's. Instead, I've been keeping my NIF friends on a steady diet. Here's what we've watched.

Rock On!! was sadly overshadowed by the presence of the brand new puppy my friend had gotten. The little thing was running around, biting and being chaotic as puppies usually are, and so the brilliant story-telling of the film was constantly taking a back seat to what was happening in the room. But nevertheless, they did see the film, and did enjoy the soundtrack.. Though again, with mixed success; one friend noted during Socha hai, "That dude can't sing", but the other one liked it enough.

There were no comments on the hotness of Farhan, but there was praise on Purab Kohli's comedic skills. Go Purab!


I brought over three DVD's with nothing in common except they're all favourites of mine that I wouldn't mind re-watching: Jab We Met, Dhool and Dharam-Veer. I introduced them to the audience. "This is romantic & awesome, this one has Anniyan Man in it, this one's got everything from samurai's to midgets to gypsies to pirates." One friend said romantic fluff, the other wanted brainmelting midgets and samurais. We rock-paper-scissors it, and Dharam-Veer won. The JWM-supporter friend started whining - she was tired, it'd been a long day, all she wanted was something relaxing and fun to watch. I tried arguing the merits of D-V; it was perfect "turn your brains off" fun! It was masala from the 1970's, for crying out loud,

D-V went into the DVD player, but you've probably already guessed the outcome; after non-stop whinging from Friend #1, Friend #2 succumbed and we turned back to JWM.

Shahid got the honor of being compared to a successful literary character: "He looks like Harry Potter." We giggled over the Harry Potter analogy throughout the first half, and Friend #2 groaned when Shahid begins singing on the bus. "Like you didn't know this was coming!" I old her.

Views on Kareena differed. Friend #2 thought she was "one annoying lady" while Friend #1 said, after the film, "I usually dislike the girls in Bollywood films, but I really liked this one!". Don't worry, Geet, at least you made one new fan!

Emotional appeal was established, probably for the first time since our viewing of Rang De Basanti - Friend #1 admited to getting teary-eyed during one of the heart-string tugging scenes. I consider this one an overall success.

Another evening, another film, and while I love Dhool to pieces, even after this umpteenth rewatch of it, it didn't reach the glorious levels of WTF that Anniyan did, and therefore left my friends a little cold. The songs were appreciated (though perhaps "Kundu kundu" a bit too brainmelting for Friend #2), but the typical "hero-against-corruption" didn't really engage my friends enough for them to truly appreciate the film.

Nevertheless, Friend #1 admitted she was warming up to Vikram's looks and that's good enough for me.

The pseudohistorical crackfest known as Dharam-Veer I watched together with Friend #1, Friend #2 being out of town (god, I really have to come up with better nicknames for them if I continue to write about our filmi sessions on this blog!). This time, the moment just wasn't right. The first half of the movie went swimmingly, my friend fearing constantly a Dharmendra up-skirt shot, which seemed to come around the corner but never (thankfully) did and us snarking the brilliant costuming in the film, and of course, the Wonder Bird Sheroo.

But as the movie continued, the complex, convoluted - maybe slightly stretched-out - plot began to bore me and my friend. The first two times I'd seen the film, I'd loved it to bits. Perhaps it was just the hour of the evening, the stress of the upcoming week creeping up to both of us.. Don't know. I still love the movie as ever, but I suppose it just isn't as tight in terms of direction as I'd want it to be. Then again, maybe Manmohan Desai films never are.


So, that's NIF Story Hour for this time.. I think my friends have had an overload of Hindi/Tamil films for now, but next time I'm considering showing them Nuvvostanante Nenoddantana, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom or Duplicate. Best keep it light.

Top five Hindi film heroines (to me).

I set out to do a Top Ten but didn't get far with it, hence a top five instead. Maybe it's because the standard for my favourite Hindi film heroines (as in, characters, not actresses) is quite high. It needs to be a good performance, a memorable character and above all, I feel like the heroine needs to shine brighter than the hero, which is a very difficult thing to achieve in movies that have been male-focused for the past three or four decades. If I brought down my standards, I might have a Top Ten. (Also, quite often the most interesting female roles aren't starring roles at all.)

Screencap from MariaKaefer.
Basanti from Sholay

A huge part of why I love Hema Malini today is her portrayal of Basanti, the chatterbox tongawalli and her mare Dhanno. It was really love at first sight, I had just finished marvelling at the combination of comedy (jailer!) and action (on a train!) of the movie, and then in walks this girl, and Veeru makes a move on her, and Jai acts indifferent, and she just keeps talking. I just loved her. She's just a burst of energy on-screen and always a pleasure to watch. While she has her share of typical damsel-in-distress moments, her spunk in general makes her stand out as one of the best things about the legendary film.

Geet from Jab We Met

The character of Geet owes to Hindi film's previous spunky heroines but the reason she's so great is because, well, she's one of those spunky heroines! They aren't too many, let me remind you. Film scripts sometimes tend to not give heroines any personality but this is not the case with Jab We Met, where the romance and characters are above all well-written, and Geet is absolute brimming with personality and character. She's lively and fun and talkative, with a strong sense of who she is, which is exactly why Shahid's Aditya falls in love with her, and most of the viewers do, too.

Sarika from Ek Hasina Thi

Yeah, I realize it's not a very typical masala feature, this one, so of course it will have a meatier, more interesting heroine role. But there are plenty of movies like that, and the reason I pick Sarika out of all of them is simple: a lot of such movies are good for a watch or two, but not many of such heroines have stayed with me the way Sarika and Urmila Matondkar in the role have. Sarika is many things; she starts out a slightly scared urban woman living alone, but develops into a dangerous lady who is afraid of little, extremely cunning and a little unbalanced, too. I love watching her journey, as awful as it is, over and over again, because she comes out on top, and that's what really counts.

Rhea from Hum Tum

The great thing about Kunal Kohli's two recent films - to be honest, my memories of Mujhe Dosti Karoge are vague - is that he always seems to give his heroines a choice. Rhea is a good example of a heroine whose choices dictate the entire story. She doesn't give the hero a time of the day until he grows up and learns some respect. She has a career, and she marries a guy out of love. She refuses to re-marry despite people pressuring her to do so. Overall, Rhea is a true individual, who thinks and decides for herself, and that's what really makes her awesome.

Geeta from Seeta Aur Geeta

Our second Geeta, who the first one owes a fair amount to. Geeta is the heroine who will raise hell when she sees injustice, and it's really very satisfying to see her do it - verbally, physically, she has the guts and the attitude to deliver in both ways. If Basanti was who made me curious about Hema Malini, the roles of Seeta and Geeta are what sealed the deal of her as a favourite. As most Hema roles are more Seeta than Geeta, I really cherish Geeta and Basanti as performances, not just because they were the first times I saw her in films, but also because they're really special, even considering the whole of her career. And as awesome, spunky heroines go, well worth the hype.

I leave you with an awesome Geeta fanvid to "These Boots Are Made For Walking" that I found on youtube just tonight.



So ..who are yours?

Filmi year 2007.

Aata - my film of the year.

2007 was quite an interesting year in films for me. I felt like there was a dry season between the early months of the year and the final months of it. This meant a large portion of my year was destined to be quite Bollyless (or more correctly, Indian cinema-less). I blame the films I anticipated - Guru and Eklavya were both enormous letdowns, and while I liked the former to buy on DVD and should buy the latter for Saif collection, the combination of unexciting Bollywood and the discovery of something new in East-Asian entertainment made me completely abandon Bollywood for a while.

I did still watch movies - when Siddharth's 2006 hit Bommarillu finally got a DVD release, I rushed to watch it and ended up loving it. But that was on the Telugu side of things, of course, and for months the movie was the only Indian film I saw.

So what drew me back in? Ironically, it wasn't Jhoom Barabar Jhoom, though the film was one of my biggest favourites this year. It wasn't Life in a ..Metro, another 07 movie I saw during this period of unenthusiasm. It wasn't even the Dharmendra starrer oldie I watched, Mera Gaon Mera Desh aka Vinod Khanna Is the Gabbar Singh of Sexy. The movie that drew me back into Bollywood in 2007 was ... drumroll please ..

Ek Hasina Thi!


Quite randomly I decided to show another Indian film to my friend who was coming to town, and had seen select favourites of mine (ranging from Bunty aur Babli to Sholay). I considered my pick, then grabbed EHT and went my way. My friend was critical of the movie, unfairly so in my view, but more importantly, I enjoyed my umpteenth viewing of it. And when I returned home, I sort of sat down and asked myself, "Hey, why did you ever drop out of Bollywood happenings?"

I made a list of recent movies I ought to watch and rushed to see EHT director's new film, Johnny Gaddaar, starring some newbie and Dharmendra. I expected to see a lacking movie, thinking maybe Ek Hasina Thi had been a fluke but what I got was quite something else..

Johnny Gaddaar is deliciously clever, awesomely edited and unpredictable like you wouldn't believe. It's also violent and a tribute to the noir genre, which is also fantastic. A tale of deceit truly done right. You know who betrayed who from the get go, but the way the story is told makes the ride enjoyable. Here's my longer review on Livejournal (slight spoilers in the last half of it).

In 2007 I also made this blog, listed my Top 10 Indian actors and did a massive update to my guide to Bollywood for complete newbies.

My favourites this year, by the way, are the J-films; Jab We Met, Johnny Gaddaar, and Jhoom Barabar Jhoom. The film I fell most in love with, though? Aata all the way.

And as always, the year doesn't feel quite over yet. I've yet to see a bunch of 07 biggies, from Chak De India! to Tara Zameen Par.

Oh well. Maybe this year.