Introducing Sakshay, part 1: Tu Chor Main Sipahi.

So while waiting for my favourite money-hungry (but in their defence, they do greed in style) banner, Yash Raj Films, to get off their bums and release the soundtrack of Tashan, my most awaited movie 2008 (and perhaps ever), I thought I'd do reviews for all of the five previous Sakshay movies in here.

In true Sakshay tradition, I begin from the worst and work up to the best.

Tu Chor Main Sipahi is a cringeworthily bad movie. I mean, it is just so unexcitedly unterrific I would only recommend it over driving yourself off a cliff as far as ways to spend time go. The title sums up the plot; Saif is a thief and Akshay is the cop who abandons rules for the sake of justice, hunting down the hard-to-catch thief that is Saif. Add a village, a villain, awful songs and the awkward presence of Tabu (poor girl!) and you've got Tu Chor.

Whatever good things my Sakshay-biased brain might delude itself into seeing, the boring badness of the film completely brings everything down. There is simply no campy so-bad-it's-good factor to make the film enjoyable. None. The usually delightful Sakshay dynamic is poor here - the two as enemies might be interesting but the script is simply hopeless.

The best thing about the movie is that it ends, and that it ends like this. No, I don't mind spoiling you the whole movie. Anything to make sure you don't watch it. I'm usually of the view people ought not to be spoiled movies, any movie, unless they so wish themselves. This time, I will make an exception.

Don't see it. And if you must defy this humble request, at least don't pay for it.

Why brothers suck, and other woes of a girl. Doli saja ke rakhna.

I was going do another "Let's talk about ...!" post about my favourite underdog Akshaye Khanna, but then I got to thinking how little Akshaye movies I've actually seen and how few of them I've really appreciated, even though I often consider him a favourite. It's truly a puzzle; the man is picky but picks crappy roles.

So instead I will talk about one of the Akshaye films I found worth mentioning. Doli saja ke rahkna I knew I had to see mainly for its jodi: the North-Indian actress Jyothika/Jothika debuts here before she moves to the Tamil cinema (and whose work there I adore), and of course, Akshaye showing off his puppy eyes.

So the story's old as time itself; they meet, fall in love, we get a couple of fun songs and then things generally go to hell because Jothika has three brothers who oppose the match. Oh and naturally Akshaye's rich parents aren't too fond of the less wealthy girl he's mad about, either.

It starts out a fairly cute romantic movie, but the dramaticness of the latter half simply drags the whole thing down. I also found myself disappointed with Jothika; the girl is full of life and energy in her Tamil roles, even when her characters aren't all that. But in here she's a subdued figure, dull to be frank and almost annoying in her lack of expressiveness. However, this was her debut performance. I forgive.

Even if on the whole the film is nowhere near spectacular and might even fall short of 'okay', there are highlights, too. The A R Rahman soundtrack is one of my favourites of his, and I find myself revisiting the song picturization "Boli sajni.." where Jothika reads a book and envisions herself and Akshaye as its characters. Akshaye does a lovely job and even with Jothika's lack of just about everything, the chemistry is good.

But it just sucks that it's such a rare movie where I don't have to continue "good Akshaye role" with "but kind of a sucky movie". And this is just one of those; I would not recommend it to you unless your name is Beth (in other words, have a profound affection towards Akshaye Khanna) or you have a girlcrush on Jothika.

Do give the soundtrack a spin, though.

All your epos are belong to us. Jodhaa-Akbar.

I use the word 'epic' in stupid internet slang a lot because I'm an idiot. But it's every now and then that I discover the true meaning of epic, and no, it's not by picking up Kalevala or the Iliad, but this time, by sitting down in the enormous warmth of Manchester's Trafford Centre to watch Ashutosh Gowariker's historical epic Jodhaa-Akbar.

The film is long enough to make sure you really do feel like you're living in the world of the legendary Mughal ruler Akbar. The main character is naturally glorified in order to make him a true Bollywood hero; in the same way Mangal Pandey is credited with the 1847 uprising in The Rising, or the same way history is ignored in Asoka. Of course, the polemic will happen and has happened, but I personally decide to shrug and move along. I know the facts, I know the arguments; now let me enjoy the movie.

Even if Jodha never existed, it's a lovely tale within this epic. I saw zilch of Hrithik-Aishwarya chemistry in Dhoom 2, but in here, they were really something (even if Hrithik is again doing most of the work). I enjoyed the course of the relationship, and the few key scenes (especially the one picturized above) they had were simply terrific and loaded with hotness.

Aishwarya's acting is sufficient, and sadly that's the only word I can use to describe it. She captures Jodha's determinism but is hardly amazing. With Hrithik I'm slightly more at odds. He makes an incredibly intense romantic hero. He also has the presence of a Mughal ruler. On the other hand, I've never been in love with his more dramatic acting. Combined with the constant dramatic sound effects, it lends to a certain over-the-topness that becomes more amusing than believable.

The long movie is not without slow moments but thankfully avoids being the dragged out film Swades was. On the other hand, who can complain when the movie is this pretty? The visuals make you feel at home in your seat, even though I also had moments when I was wondering what time it was, and how I would probably faint, not thanks to Hrithik but to starvation, before the credits roll.

But back to epicness. My friend and I discussed during interval how the movie was so epicly dramatic that it sometimes felt like the air was too heavy to breathe. Dun dun dunnn! More positive aspects of Jodha-Akbar's epicness are the crowd scenes, the sets, the battles. While they in no way rival those of Lord of the Rings, on the Indian scale they are very impressive. Plus, elephants. You simply cannot go wrong with some elephants.

While I didn't love Jodhaa-Akbar, it was quite the ride, and definitely one of those films Bollywood fans at large should make sure to watch. I will also offer tons of sympathy to everybody who, like me when I'm not travelling the globe, will not be able to see this on the big screen.

Tamil Nadu politics, let me show you them. Iruvar.

How much do Indians love their films? Enough to promote their favourite stars into their political representatives. I know my favourite Bollywood actress Hema Malini busies herself in the Parliament nowadays (I don't pay much attention to her political beliefs; based on what I've heard about BJP, her party of choice, I doubt I'd agree with them) and she's not alone, far from it.

In the South-Indian state of Tamil Nadu, the relationship between films and politics is undeniable. Iruvar, one of director Maniratnam's best works, draws from this relationship - it depicts the lives of two men, who start out as friends working in the film industry (Prakash Raj plays the writer Selvam, Mohanlal the actor Ananda) and end up as political rivals. The story is loosely based on MG Ramachandran and R. Karunanidhi - two big names in Tamil Nadu's political history.

It's a little confusing, watching Iruvar without being aware of this connection. The film would end up as quite a vague whole without knowing the history of it, and the complications and controversies that rose from Maniratnam making the film.

Regardless, the film is definitely worth the watch even for those of us not too versed in the political history. It's a fantastic piece of cinematography, has a memorable A R Rahman soundtrack, as well as a star whose face the whole world would come to know; Aishwarya Rai makes her debut in the film. And while I'm far, far from being a fan, she is quite lovely in this. She's surprisingly sufficient in the role based on the actress-politician Jayalithaa (who marries MGR and carries on his political legacy, too). Her pairing with Mohanlal is far from believable (not to mention perhaps just plain gross), but Aishwarya does good for a debut performance.

Prakash Raj is an actor who belongs to my secondary top ten of actors, but this is without a doubt the best I've seen of him. He's nowadays seen mostly playing father roles or villain-y father roles in Tamil/Telugu flicks, and he's very good at that, too. But in here? He's intense in every single way; as a lover to Tabu's character, as a spirited politician, as a passionate poet. If I ever buy the DVD, he will be the reason.

It's difficult to analyze whether Iruvar's greatest shortcoming is really a flaw at all. It ties closely to reality, it probably makes a statement of some kind, and the implications of the last monologue by Prakash Raj's character are up in the air.. Is it great cinema only if you've done your homework? The texts of history basically shape the film into a cohesive one; without them, it's slightly difficult to grasp certain things about it.

Whatever your education level regarding Tamil Nadu history is, this is one film you shouldn't miss out on.

Don't be a stranger to Anniyan no more.

If somebody was to ask me for the most entertaining film I know, I would answer Anniyan (Tamil for 'stranger') before they had a chance to finish the question.

For Anniyan, Tamil director Shankar's big budget superhit from 2005, contains everything a movie ticket ought to buy you. It has the visuals, the comedy, the action, the romance and a bit of social significance, as well. It's just a big damn movie.

And it's awesome.

The picture here is just an example of the outrageously whacky visuals you get with Shankar films. And how can you not adore them? It's nuts! It's colourful! He also abuses special effects mercilessly, which amuses me greatly.

The plot of the film tells of Ambi (Vikram), a pedantic lawyer, who annoys just about everybody around him. The girl he loves (Sada) is equally unimpressed with the way he deals with problems in society; he will not let a wrong-doing go, and will lecture at people about even the smallest things. Meanwhile, somebody is murdering people in very unusual ways. Ambi's friend (Vivek) works together with the DCP (Prakash Raj) to solve these cases..

If that sounded boring to you, don't worry. Vikram plays three characters in the film, and Vivek provides some of the funniest comedy I've ever seen. And when the film has an occasional lapse in quality, the hillarity doesn't stop there.

Just youtube the song "Remo remo". I dare you not to laugh your head off.

Yep. Anniyan is a film not to be taken too seriously. You can take in the social message, ponder it, turn it upside down, I will even discuss and debate it with you, should you want it. But at core Anniyan sets out to entertain and oh boy, does it ever. I've seen the movie nearly 10 times and never does it fail to do just that.

That small difference. Dil Chahta Hai & Parampara.

Friendship in the 00's: you meet him at college, you get to know each other, you go on a road trip to Goa and goof around in the sun for the dorks you are.

Friendship in the 90's: you meet him at college, you get to get to know each other, play some music together, fence, and realize you are both destined to kill one another.

The former dosti is of course, Dil Chahta Hai, a movie known by nearly all and loved by most. I'm huge on DCH, it climbs high places on all of the following; my overall favourites, my modern favourites, my favourite Aamir films, my favourite Saif films, my favourite soundtracks.. I just simply really adore it.

The latter is Parampara, a 1993 Yash Chopra (!) film, which isn't too easy to find so despite having two of today's biggest stars (Saif and Aamir) and even one yesteryear star (Vinod in his 90's avatar), not all that many Bollyfans seem to have picked this one up. When you see it, you know exactly why.

Parampara drinking game; take one whenever they say the word parampara (means tradition, by the way). Take two whenever they say parampara in connection with the word khoon (blood, also in the verb khoon kiya - to kill).

If you do manage to dig up this film somewhere, please note the fact this is my man Saif Ali Khan's first film. He's all kinds of ridiculous but, I do also want to point out, oh-so-young.

I believe the less said about Vinod in this film, the better. I mean, I love his guts but sometimes too old is too old is too old.

To summarize Parampara, I will use the only screencap I will ever need of Dil Chahta Hai:

Thank you and good night.

The name is Rajnikanth. But in here, it's Muthu.

No Indian film enthusiast should go through life without seeing a Rajnikanth movie. And it still took me around four years of watching Indian movies to get to my first Rajnikanth movie. But boy, was I glad I finally did.

Muthu is a mid-90's goofball masala fare. I don't know where it stands amongst Rajni's filmography, but I really loved it and just for the way it utterly convinced me of Rajni's talent and persona, I'd call it one of his best performances (even without seeing any others). Rajni plays the loyal servant Muthu, Meena plays a drama actress Ranganayagi, to whom Muthu's master falls in love with. At first Muthu and Ranganayagi don't like each other and one of the loveliest treats of the film is to watch them bicker, but due to some circumstances they get stuck together and well, you know the drill.

There is plenty of peculiar, funny comedy in the film and it keeps it fairly light for nearly 2 hours, which I liked - there are underlying tensions the whole time, but they don't bog down the story unnecessarily. Even Vadivelu - the comedian very often featured in Tamil films - amused me a ton in this movie.

Told you it's goofball.

The biggest surprise wasn't really Rajnikanth and the fact that I could actually stomach him despite his lack of looks and his no-lack-of years gone by, it was that I genuinely enjoyed the romance in the movie. Piyaara broke some of the charm by telling me that the actress opposite Rajni actually starred in one of his earlier movies as a child star (uh, that's some age difference) but regardless, it has to be said that the romance is cute and comedic.

I would definitely recommend this movie. It's completely crazy but awesomely entertaining, and has gorgeous song picturizations and catchy music and ..I'll let Meena's sweet face just lure you in.

Oh, and did you know this film is the most successful Indian film in Japan? Because it is, released under the title "Muthu the Dancing Maharaja". Well, they got the 'dancing'-part right, at least.

Dear Abby, is my husband a murderer? Shaque.

On paper Shaque looks like a Gulzar movie; both of its stars zigzagged between mainstream and not-so-mainstream cinema (Shabana more than Vinod, though) during the golden 70's, and the film's title and subject, suspicion and what it does to a marriage, has the potential to live up to an interesting human drama of sorts.

The sad thing is, it doesn't quite reach that.


Vinod and Meena's happy marital life becomes strained after Meena receives a letter from a person claiming to have seen Vinod murder a coworker years ago. At first she refuses to believe it but there are suspicious signs - how come he needs the help of sleeping pills to rest every night? Where did he get all that money years ago, when they had a baby on the way and were struggling to find the means to survive? Meena's suspicion continues to grow and tensions in the marriage build up.

There's nothing that awfully wrong with Shaque, maybe apart from somebody getting lazy with the script writing by the end. It starts out an okay drama with a couple of standout moments, and all the actors do a good job with what they have. It's not Shabana's fault that Meena comes off as hopelessly easily lead by various people and more than a little naive. Closer to the end, you see her make conclusions that are peculiar to say the least, but overall the quality of the script plummets so bad during the same time, it's hard to blame her. The film turns into a peculiar masala thriller of sorts at the end, more ridiculous than anything.

But onto the positives; one of the reasons I had Gulzar on the brain during the first half of the film was that I saw his name on the credits as 'the lyricist'. And indeed the lyrics were often poignant and fitting to the situations of the movie. Otherwise the soundtrack was bland, and all the songs were integrated in an unconventional "they're listening to the radio" manner, which might've worked, had Shaque stayed consistently non-mainstream to the end.


And I suppose the script wasn't all bad. The intrigue of whether or not Vinod actually committed the murder is played up so that it takes a while until the viewer figures out how things really came down. A thing or two can also be said about Vinod's acting - there are times where his experience in playing villains really shows. Another plus was the way the film portrayed marriage, its bliss and eventual decay.

I of course was lucky enough to watch this in sync with Filmi Geek, which was fun especially when the film veered off to the WTF zone of unknown. I'm not sure how to recommend the film itself; it's merely alright, and has those persuasive positives (daring bed scene! Vinod on a horse! snuggly Shabana-Vinod jodi!) but also those peculiar negatives that just rather spoil the ride.


* Bonus fangirly note; 70's glasses? Always a riot. Pink shirt towards the end? I was so massively amused I cannot even picture. Manpain? Sufficient. In conclusion? Still the hottest oldie actor, yes indeed.

A round-up of sorts.

I was going to type up a post about an old favourite of mine, Anniyan, but instead got an idea to do this..

• I'm going to be in England - not just London - March 2nd-12th. The gods of Bollyluck are not on my side; the only decent Indian movie playing in theaters during that time will be Jodhaa-Akbar. Oh and Subhash Ghai's latest which will premiere on the 7th. Whoopdedoo. I'm disappointed but looking at the positives; JA is getting good reviews, and there is more to England than Indian movies. I am, after all, visiting about five locations and going to two gigs whilst there. And plenty of Indian food will be available!
• Nothing new on the Tashan front. Okay, that's a big fat lie and I now it; recently Akshay replied in an interview that he looks best with Saif. I could make this stuff up but luckily this time, I didn't have to.
• If you're tired of looking at Kareena's diet photos, Piyaara did a wonderful picspam of his favourite actresses in South-Indian films, you know, where the ladies are allowed a few pounds extra. And you know what? They still look amazingly beautiful, as this list proves.
• I'm going to be watching a Hindi oldie called Shaque (starring Vinod Khanna & Shabana Azmi) in synch with Filmi Geek tonight. Exciting!

That's it from me for now.

Well, here it is finally.

I've watched a few films since I last posted but I won't talk about them, because last night, instead of watching a film, I made something cool.

Somebody said fanvidding is the geekiest thing there is to do. If so, I have just crossed the final frontier..


It is, of course, Sakshay. Specifically, Sakshay from Main Khiladi Tu Anari, set to the wonderful music of Spice Girls.

I've uploaded it on about a million places because the video streaming places do a bad job of conversion of this file, which sucks, but yeah.

Stream it here. Or here.

Or download it (better version!): Megaupload or Mediafire

Enjoy it!