Closing Khanna-o-Rama with a picspam.

My favourite picture of Akshaye.

I'm going to employ virtual CPR on you because I know you just DIED.AT.THIS.CUTENESS. And why wouldn't you.

All Bollywood magazines should remake this photo shoot. Bollywood stars - EATING. I'd buy the magazine. Twice.

No idea what is happening here but I dig it. I dig it a lot.

Film poster of Gulzar's Meera (review here) which is my most favourite movies with Vinod. And gorgeous Hema, what's not to love.

Thanks for participating in Khanna Week, even if it was just by reading all of our posts! And eternal thanks to Beth for coming up with the idea of the love fest!

EEEDIT: Well, turns out Khanna Week isn't over in a week! Joy of joys! Except .. I have no more posts scheduled up. I might spin some more, I'll definitely keep following all of yours but this may or may not be the end of Khanna-o-Rama for me, for now, anyway. Still, the Khanna love never really stops on these here parts!

Three elephants in the room.

Hate to jam this post in but I feel like it has to be made; call me the Official Khanna Week Squee-stopper, if you must, but I assure you, happy posts will commence tomorrow once more - for now, let's deal with the things we might talk about but don't particularly enjoy talking about head-on.

I mean, they are in a sense the reason this Khanna fest had to be initiated - why are Khannas so unloved (or underloved or not adequately loved) by the great Bollywood worldwide consciousness (wow, does that sound spiritual? we could just call 'em fans).

Akshaye Khanna - I am not sure where I've read about this perception that Akshoo picks his roles carefully and is particularly choosy about which films he does. But I have read it and going by how little movies he makes, I could swallow it, too. But then I look at his filmography and just .. what the hell. I understand getting stuck in a rut, doing crappy film after crappy films because that's all you're offered but can that really be true for somebody who has shown considerable acting potential and is widely considered a solid actor despite, you know, all those countless bad films I choose not to name right now. I confess I know very little about the inside workings of the industry so maybe I'm missing a lot of key factors that play into this but sometimes I fear that the dude doesn't really care and kind of wants to cash in.

Rahul Khanna - Now here's a guy whose perceived pickiness with roles I could actually see as justified, as his filmography doesn't really have that many bad films. But it's so tiny! Isn't everybody on Twitter now? Doesn't everybody just want to cast him? (I do, but the only job I have available is cleaning my room. I doubt Rahul gets out of bed for the money I'm willing to offer him...)

Vinod Khanna - One word: Osho. (For the uninitiated, or the newbies, here's a little lesson in history - at the height of his career, in the early 80's Vinod Khanna joined his guru and withdrew from regular human life into a spiritual commune in North-East US of A. He returned to the industry in the late 80's.)

I spotted somebody commenting on a youtube video of some Vinod Khanna song that "he realized the futility of human existence" or something like that, and this made me realize how much a culture colours our perceptions of one man following his guru and withdraw from his regular job AND family life. I mean, Finns don't tend to withdraw from anywhere as hundreds of years of Lutheran work ethic kind of ties us to the home and work life so much so that the idea of "getting away from it all", in a spiritual way, not just for a holiday, is completely alien. (Not saying this is better - just how it is.)

But to somebody of India, it's not necessarily so. Now, I don't personally withdraw my own judgment completely because of this. I could, but it feels pretentious - I still have the opinion that from the point of view of a fan, who loves his 70's/early 80's films and isn't enamored with him returning to Bollywood when the films lacked inspiration and interest, and he was getting too old to be a hero anyway. And if somebody I knew left their family to pursue greater spiritual understanding, I'd consider them selfish. But I keep in mind - different context, different culture, different perceptions.

So I maintain my views as a fan. I think the man made simultanously the worst and the best decision he could've made. Leaving Bollywood in the early 80's? Abandoning a slowly sinking ship, good call. Returning to the industry in the late 80's? Sigh. No. Just no.

So there. Elephants sorted. Would be curious to hear your views on these topics. And sorry for squee-killing, just gotta be honest with myself & my readership here. I still love all three of these actors - trust me on that one.

[Elephant screencaps from the Tamil film Dhool.]

How to be awesome on Twitter like Rahul Khanna in 3 easy steps.

1. Tweet in your strongest language and treat Twitter like an English(/Hindi/etc) teacher you're desperate to impress. Or like somebody whose pants you want to get into via showing them how smart you are. Don't be afraid to get a little overboard with it - when the rest of Twitterland is busy forgetting where a, e, i, o, u keys are (or as they would say, 'r'), you'll stand out favorably.

1.5. Familiarize yourself with the concept of parody. Embrace feeling special.

Case in point: i wory der iz no1 left who cn spel. r v doomd 2 cmunic8 in dis biz-r nu lang? im nt redy 4 an x-istenc wid only ltd vowls n no capitls.

2. Find a round-about way of describing ordinary events or daily observations that arouses reader attention and imagination. Such as,

- Working out: An afternoon of certain cardio-vascular scintillation awaits me on the elliptical & in the pool.

A plebe way of tweeting this - "off 2 workout plz twitter notice how im in gud shape tnx bye."

- Being hungover at work: Struggling through meetings & wishing I was in 'The Hangover 2' so I could justify the excesses of last night as research.

A plebe way of tweeting this: "omg sooo hungoverrr @at wrk rite nw had fun last nite tho :D :D :D :D :D lol"

- Doing online banking: Impressed with my credit card company's online security. It's virtually impossible for anyone to access my account - including me.

A plebe way of tweeting this: "fuuuucckkkkk :( :( :("

3. Develop a very ordinary, relatable addiction to a mostly harmless substance. Coffee, chocolate, breath mints, any of these work. Don't go overboard with it - you want to seem relatable, not obsessed or consumed with desire for something completely strange. If your Twitter bio mentions your biggest goal in life is to get your own Ben&Jerry's flavour, trust me, nobody is going to follow you, you crazy icecream person you.

Example - I confess my mini-bar sins to the flinty receptionist & guiltily await the inflated bill I must pay as penance. Mea maxima culpa.


And you're there! Well, almost. I mean, it helps if you a) have been in movies, b) are a globetrotter extraordinaire, tweeting from London then California, then Mumbai - a show that you lead an incredibly interesting life, and c) look like this:

So ... just don't get your hopes up. We can't all win in life.

Credits:

Tweets - R_Khanna
Pictures -R_Khanna @ Twitpic
Everything else - Depraved mind of @Veraciously, whose biggest desire in life is to introduce Ben&Jerry's Veraciously Twitterliciously Peppermint!.

Wake Up Sid - the audio review!

For the lazy, the hearing impaired and whatnot: I liked the movie, but wasn't as in love with it as some people.

If you want to hear me stumble over words, reveal something about my past, embarrassingly call Rahul Khanna "dreamy" and other things...

CLICK HERE! (Mild spoilers.)

..and either DOWNLOAD the mp3 with the review or PLAY it in a pop up window. The review is 5 mins 35 seconds long, so not too long I hope. :)

The subtle background score is "Memon House" by Indian Ocean, from the soundtrack to Black Friday.

Twitterati, twitterwasis, twitdoesntmatter...

I don't consider myself any authority on anything but if I may make some bold claims about Bollywood twitterati, I'll say this:

All hail R_Khanna.

"Back-to-back evenings full of glamour, dancing, sex, violence & raw, pulsing drama. Who needs Bollywood when it's wedding season in India?"
Weddings in India are masala films that also contain sex? If so, can I go to the ones Rahul Khanna attends? Please?

No wonder I rarely see this guy in mainstream films. He's way too busy. Way too busy being awesome.

He's so normal and flawed like the rest of us, but not in a cringe-inducing way!

"Walk briskly past Duty Free, Rahul. Do not make eye-contact with the Chunky Kit-Kat display. I repeat, do NOT make... Arrgh - too late!"
Kit-Kat addiction! Could this man be more adorable? I doubt it.

"Perhaps I can use my recovery time to write books under the nom de plume Ian Phlegming. Should I start with A View to a Chill or Coldfinger?"
Let's marry. Or at the very least, Twittermarry. Matwimony?

But as always, in Twitterverse, with the good comes the bad.

It is with a heavy heart that I return to my mortal twenemy, Uday Chopra.

"I can see the future...and i can see that tomorrow...I will wake up with a smile...good night my lovely twitteronians...a new word for y'all"
We didn't ask for a new word. Don't you remember what I told you about mid-chlorians? Why don't you just call us people? We're people, like you! Only better at tweeting. And acting.

"Ive discovered a truth about myself tday..I cant type with my eyes closed..ufrrk juhr u tu erute dubvet guvfso..guess its best 2 say gdnight"
I could've told you as much. And I'm typing this with my eyes closed, too.


And now we also have a new kid on the block, who doesn't ask "main aisa kyun hoon?" but instead makes us question everything we know. Like the meaning of life (inspirational poster by Ajnabi). And such. And ...time for the gym!

iHrithik, comes free with most Macbooks.

"Goodnite my beautiful tweeple,I'm humbled by ur love! GOd bless you ALL! N thank u from d bottom of my heart!may tom b beeautiful 4 u n me!!"
Everythings just real speciall!! In his world!!! Overusing exclamation marks!!! Is a sure-fire way to show you're new on the internet!!!

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE ?....... Whatever U WANT it TO BE !!! ;) goodnite tweeple! Good luck 4 Exams, work, and evrything else!!!"
Truly inspirational stuff.

But of course, even a great man such as the mythical iHrithik has to run into some questionable, fail-type waters. Such as not realizing that even if a Pakistani kid is being called "paki" and bullied, it doesn't really do much to stand up and be "proud" of your Pakistani heritage. I mean, in the UK it's a racial slur, not an insult against being Pakistani.

Anyway...

"My fav supplements- vit C, multivitamin, antioxident, L-glutamine, omega 3(never 6), creatine(only to bulk 4 short periods),.."
Write what you know, Hrithik. Write what you know.

Oh oh oh remember that Shahrukh guy who twitterized poetry last time I covered his tweets? Well, he's still tweeting, apparently. I guess he has a new movie out and he's trying to promote it. Sweet kid, I hope some people go see it.

"love u all my knightwriters. celebrating dark...silence...quiet...dreams...and shutting down of the day. will reopen tomorrow...goodknight."
What the what now? Dude, you gotta stop rewatching The Dark Knight. You are not Batman. I mean if Mumbai needed a dark knight, you have enough moolah to go all Bruce Wayne on it but you're not Batman. Or are you? Is this your way of telling us..?

"batman/trackpants/dont like visits...i am homebody/dont like to swim but have to for my shoulder/sundays at home/want to do a comedy now"
...Holy item number, Batman, it's ...Bombay ka Batman!!!

And with this revelation, I shall go away. But Bollycelebrities on Twitter, remember, I am watching you. I may not be following you because I like to keep my brain clean, but I am watching you.

PS. Rahul, '@' me anytime! I promise you I'm not the weird foreign chick who pervs on most males in your family. No, no. That's Beth, you see. I'm totally regular and well-adjusted.

PPS. Beth, sorry for throwing you under the bus there. All's fair in love and war and Khanna, hai na? ;)