30 Days of Film: Days 11, 12 & 13.

11. A movie that changed your opinion about something

I think there are three ways in which my liking of an actor can go. The first one is that I like them right off the bat, which usually happens with favourites - the first impression is so good they've made a fan out of me. The second one is that I give stars another bite at that apple, I keep watching them in films, hoping something will click and I'll begin to really enjoy their work. The third option is that the first impression is so negative I'm unlikely to give them another fair chance, unless by complete accident.

With Akshay Kumar, it was the second option. I never disliked the guy, I just never got what made him so popular - he seemed to do shlocky films and contribute mediocre performances to them. Then I watched Hera Pheri, the popular 2000 comedy that's not amazing, but is on the right side of silly, and can be incredibly funny. And I suddenly understood Akshay. His coming timing was great here, and his looks suddenly became appealing, and from thereon I understood his acting appeal and charm. From Hera Pheri onwards I was also more willing to watch films with him.

12. A movie that you hate

Hate is such a strong word, but okay. There are films that bug me because the plots have really questionable morals praised as the height of morality, or stupid people being stupid, or self-congratulatory directors doing pretentious crap and then saying whoever dislikes it just doesn't get it. There are a ton of annoying films like that, and briefly I considered saying Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, because it combines a bit of all of the aforementioned characteristics, but to be honest, I don't hate KANK that much, and it probably doesn't deserve half the vitriol it gets.

Then there are films that are just colossal waste of an opportunity, and then there are really, really bad films. Tu Chor Main Sipahi is both at once. It's a painfully terrible film that could have been redeemed by the chemistry between its two leads (Saif Ali Khan & Akshay Kumar) but it chooses to have them act out the most painful dialogues, play the most insipid characters. Did I mention the film has Tabu in it? What a waste. It's also boring, so doesn't even tickle that "so bad it's good" bone. 

It's almost just sad, really.

13. A movie that is a guilty pleasure

I tend to be pretty open and unashamed of what I like. I mean, when one of my legitimate favourites is Main Khiladi Tu Anari, I can hardly call other favourites, no matter how crappy, a guilty pleasure. Besides, there are as many tastes as there are people - a uniformly condemned movie still has its passionate fans, and a loved film its share of haters.

But perhaps what makes Namastey London a guilty pleasure is not that it's not good, just that it's not as good as it probably should be to be such a favourite. I never expected this spry little romcom to be such an infinitely rewatchable film as it turned out to be. For one, I still don't think this is Katrina Kaif's best performance, even though her chemistry with Akshay is very good here. Secondly, I think logically I should have tons of tiny feminist niggles about the plot, yet somehow I don't. Third, the film has the sheer void of talent that is Upen Patel, and the soundtrack is horrific Himesh Reshmiyya and his nasal vocals. And all that before I've even mentioned the annoying "white people are all horrible evil racists" scenes.. And yet, I still really like this film, and I've rewatched it a ton of times and it never fails to cheer me up.

Go figure.

IFAC #23: There's a reason we all know what "deewana" and "paagal" mean..

Thanks to the Twitterati folks for coming up with suggestions for topics of my last two entries in this Advent Calendar. It's shown me exactly why I don't blog about Indian films daily - I feel like I keep repeating myself, the same talking points and I just kind of get sick of my own words.

But today's topic is the craziest things you've done out of love for Indian films. Numerized list in no particular order of my own pagali things follows. To be honest, they're not all that crazy.

1. Blow 40 euros on a DVD. This was, in retrospect, simply really stupid. But back then I didn't know of anything better! I didn't know how to order films online, where to order from, what places to trust etc. So instead I took a painstakingly long route to ensure I'd have DDLJ to watch and rewatch until end of time. I ordered through a shop in Finland, who ordered the DVD through some other means they had (probably a shop in the UK) and through that, I got my damn DDLJ DVD. But the cost, plus the fact I had to pick it up from the shop myself to avoid extra costs? Not cool at all. Thankfully I've learned a thing or two since then. But sometimes I think it was worth it, because DDLJ is really that much a favourite.

2. Force my friend to take the longest metro ride ever to buy some Tamil DVDs. London, early 2008. An agonizingly long metro ride and walk to Colliers Wood, a part of London seldom visited by tourists, I'm sure. And what for? Ayngaran Video, of course! But what can I say? So so worth it. The DVD's are way cheaper than in their online shop, but still good Ayngaran quality, the guy who worked there was super nice and recommended good films (which I knew to be good because I'd already seen them!) and I ended up buying way more than I intended and good times was had by all. Well. Not sure about my friend...

3. One word: fanvids. Be it Sakshay set to Spice Girls, more Sakshay set to Spice Girls, a celebration of Saif&Shahrukh hosting or Siddharth + Sufjan Stevens, I'm a classy, classy fanvidder. Who's actually not very good.

4. Decorating with filmi posters, regardless of how cheesy they are.

The thing is, I've completely lost touch with the outside world in regards to what is cool and unique and what is just painfully cheesy and cringeworthy in terms of interior decoration. Somebody might walk into my room and be all, "Oh god she's crazy I have to get out of here!" but I just look around my room, my cheesy posters (I admit I unironically adore the Keemat poster - yes, really .. so much leather and awesome ladies, how could I not?) and I just feel kind of ..home?

5. Two words: Sakshay Manifesto. Oh, you haven't seen it? Click on this (it's in my livejournal).

I mean this is really something. I can just imagine myself explaining this to a total ignoramus of all things Indian cinema.

"You see, there are these two Indian actors. They both had careers a little above the gutter during the 90's, and they did some films together.."

"Oh, were the films good?"

"Not really. Well, some of them are. Well, one of them is okay, some of them are worth watching for the cheese and the rest aren't really worth mentioning."

"Right.."

"But I sort of developed this odd fondness for the films and these two guys acting alongside one another. I mean, they're just really good together. Actingwise. Well, sort of anyway."

"...I see."

Hell, sometimes I feel like even most Hindi film fans wouldn't understand. Sometimes I don't even quite understand it myself.

Maybe I really am nuts.

IFAC #16: Youtube gem re: best film ever.

Yes, it is indeed a Making Of/promotional interviews for Main Khiladi Tu Anari. I remember watching this and trying to decipher the Hindi in it. I think at some point Saif says a film like this has never been made before. Correctomundo!

Indian Film Advent Calendar #1: mullet!Saif.

Five reasons to never watch a single 90's Saif Ali Khan film:

..and one reason to do so despite the above:

(First screencaps from a song DVD, so can't identify each movie. Last screencap from MKTA.)

Writer's block mini-reviews, part 1.

So, I have this blog. And I've seen ..according to my current count, 183 Indian films (give or take, I have some films I'm half-way through, and some films might be missing from the list I have). How many of them have I actually discussed here? A miniscule portion. Let me try to correct that. I inserted my alphabetical list of films seen onto random.org's randomizer and out came a new, randomized list. Here are the first 10 items on that list.

1. Duplicate (1998) - A list of Shahrukh Khan films I absolutely adore is not too long. Even shorter is the list of his movies that I adore in which he is full-on, one hundred percent unsaturated Shahrukh Khan, not toned down as you see him in Chak De India, for example. Duplicate is one of those movies. It's a loud, physical comedy film starring Shahrukh in a double role. The leather-wearing badboy Mannu is out on the run and discovers a foolish mama's boy Bablu bears an uncanny resemblance to him. Hijinks, mistaken identities, romance (Sonali Kulkarni as Mannu's foxy but mistreated girlfriend and Juhi Chawla as Bablu's adorable ladyboss) and hillarity ensue. This one has an uber-catchy, cheesy 90's soundtrack, too. It's just so much fun!

2. Sahib Biwi aur Ghulam (1962) - My first Guru Dutt movie and one of my favourites. On my first watch I remember being completely confused on the social reality portrayed in the movie, I think I still am. Essentially Guru Dutt plays a man who comes to work for a royalty of some kind, meets a lovely girl (Waheeda Rehman) and also gets to know the royalty's lonely, tragic wife (Meena Kumari). It's a classic, and it's a lot less sad than a lot of other Dutt movies so I can definitely recommend it. Oddly enough I've read that by the time this was filmed, Waheeda Rehman and Guru Dutt were not on good terms with each other at all - yet I think their chemistry is great in this!

3. Kaakha Kaakha: The Police (2003) - This is a well-made Tamil action thriller about, you guessed it, cops. Surya plays a policeman whose group are "encounter specialists". This basically means if they run into some gangsters, they can shoot at free will, and boy, do they ever. I thought this was well-made but the actual plot didn't interest me much. It's worth a rental for the smooth soundtrack and the spectacular Jothika-Surya pairing. She looks amazing in this.

4. Yaadon ki Baaraat (1973) - The soundtrack contains one of my favourite Hindi songs ever, "Chura liya hai tumne jo dilko" and that's why I saw this one. It's a mediocre film about three brothers separated at childhood, starring Dharmendra and Zeenat Aman (not paired!) and has a very young Aamir Khan in one scene. And .. I don't know what else to say, really. It's not that bad. It's just not that good, either.


5. Aethiree/Ethiri (2004) - Oh Maddy. Oh, Maddy. This Tamil masala starts out pretty light and fun - R. Madhavan plays a regular guy who gets mistaken for a rowdie (that's Tamil-filmish for 'street gangster, troublemaker') and therefore starts pretending to act like one, even though he is a total wuss. There's a funny friend (Vivek!), a pretty girl (Sada) and it's generally pretty cool (I rather adore this song). Then something happens and the plot just veers off into massive WTF zone and all the cuteness of the movie is successfully ruined. I'm glad I could borrow this DVD off a friend - and look at that cover, can you see why I wanted to see it despite my friend's warnings? - because a few good songs, and some minor Maddy&Sada cuteness DVD purchase does not make.

6. Aarzoo (1999) - I've already discussed this but let us recap: awful Sakshay movie with Madhuri, don't watch, don't watch, do not watch.

7. 36 China Town (2006) - I still own this Abbas-Mustan comedy/thriller despite Race making me question everything those guys have ever directed. It's not a great movie, but when it came out, after nothing good had come out since Rang De Basanti and Fanaa was still a month away, it was a pleasant surprise. Kareena was funny in it, Akshaye was funny in it, and okay okay, it also gave us Upen Patel but no film's perfect, right?

8. Karan Arjun (1995) - Before Sakshay came along, my favourite Bollywood on-screen pair was without a doubt Kajol-SRK. Which is why I saw this one, a damn cheesy film that is so far the only film where we've seen Shahrukh and Salman side by side. It's got insane mother-love, an even more insane villain, resurrection, cheesy 90's dance moves.. If you think Kajol and Shahrukh only did great movies together, you have to watch this one. I don't own it on DVD because while fun, it's not quite that much fun, but every now and then I feel like rewatching "Jaati hoon main" on youtube..

9. Aradhana (1969) - I have to say I enjoyed this classic Sharmila Tagore-Rajesh Khanna starrer, not least of all because it contains the (hot!) picturization for "Roop tera mastana", another song favourite of mine. But despite my enjoyment, there were things about the plot that did not quite sit right with me. The mother who goes through tremendous sacrifice, the double role of Rajesh Khanna.. I guess what I'm getting at is that even though I quite liked it, it's nowhere near becoming a favourite of mine.

10. Achanak (1973) - I cannot fathom why I never bought this movie. It's total Vinod Fangirl Fodder. He plays a soldier who makes questionable choices in life and later battles with them mentally (read: manpain), relaying the story of his life to his doctor and his nurse (Farida Jalal as a young actress!). It's a soundtrackless Gulzar movie that pokes your brain about life, death and morality, but it's also an odd one; very short, only a little over an hour in running time. And a lot of it is Vinod. It's just fantastic. More films should be like this.


This was a lot of fun to do! When my next "cannot figure out what to post" mood strikes, I shall make use of this randomized list once again.

Memelicious; Saif Ali Khan alphabets.

For one of my favourite actors in the world of Hindi cinema, I talk about Saif quite a little. I could pretend I have no idea why that is, but honestly, I know exactly why. It's because he released Race this year (not all his fault but good god!), it's because he seems to be only in the news to gloat about how awesome it is to date Kareena Kapoor (I love her, too, but I honestly don't care about the two of them anymore!), it's because .. well, I guess the level of enthusiasm has dropped from "ooh, new Saif film!" to wary optimism (occasionally pessimism) about his future films. The man's never been perfect (and don't I know it) but sometimes he's a little less imperfect, you have to admit. 2006 was a terrific year to be a Saif fan, for example.

But as the fun alphabet meme's been going around, Beth giving some love to Rani Mukherjee and Shweta listing Hindi noir films of the olde, I thought I'd list alphabets Saif-ly.

A is for Akshay. Bet you failed to see this one coming. Yes, Akshay Kumar, current king of the box office (save Tashan for numerous reasons I could speculate, but hopefully none of them is the fact Saif and Akshay starred in the film together), the best co-star Saif can have and has had as far as I'm concerned. Don't get me wrong, he's great with a lot of other people, as well, but something about his chemistry with Akshay just gels and they both have comic timing to die for.
Plus they get along great in real life. Here's hoping they do something together in the future.

B is for Being Cyrus. Excellent dark comedy in English, directed by Homi Adajania. It has some parts that are a little too weird, but I adore everybody's performance in this (Simone Singh, Dimple Kapadia, Boman Irani, Naseeruddin Shah & Saif naturally - what a cast!), and remember Saif saying in an interview it's the kind of film he enjoys the most himself. I've heard rumors the director is working on a new film that will be produced by Saif's company - let's hope it turns out to be true.

C is for Cyrus or see how incredibly uninventive I am even this early in the post.

D is for Dil Chahta Hai. Predictable, I know, but what else would you place here? Saif as the hopeless Sameer is just one of his absolute funniest, effortless performances, and it's also the one that convinced a lot of people this guy should stay in movies. The friendship between the trio of guys in this film is still considered one of the most realistic, wonderful depictions of friendship in Hindi film history and it's often mentioned as changing the tone of Bollywood films and bringing them to the new millennium. Quite a lot of praise for one movie, but if you still haven't seen it, forget everything I just said and watch it for a fun time.

E is for Ek Hasina Thi. If you haven't seen this movie yet, drop everything you're doing, rush to Nehaflix, your local Hindi DVD retailer and buy this film. Now. I'm 100% serious. I remember when after seeing Hum Tum (a film that showed that that guy I liked a lot in Kal Ho Naa Ho was good in other films, too, and I was beginning to consider myself a fan) I was browsing IMDb and checking out Bollywood films I potentially wanted to see, and ran into EHT. I only remember seeing the poster with the streams of blood and the tag line "It started like any other love story..." and I knew I had to get my hands on the film. It is quite simply all-around excellent, and even if it wasn't, I'd want to own it because Saif looks his absolute hottest in this film.

F is for funny. Because comedy's really what appeals to me most about certain actors, and Saif is one of those actors. Even when I drag myself through his godawful (or just very very mediocre) 90's films, sometimes the script is barely good enough to allow his comic timing to surface itself. The thing is, he had it in him all along but the films he chose to do (or got offered) were mostly dreadful junk. Somewhere along the line he grew confidence and the ability to choose wiser and for that I'm glad. Nowadays the same problem persists, though: there simply aren't good enough Hindi comedies to go around.

G is for gay jokes. See also: Kantabeen. See also: Filmfare 2004. See also: this clip. You know you want to.

H is for Hameesha. Some people might tell you this movie is cheesy fluff. Some people might tell you this movie is adorable and stupid. Some people might tell you you'll want to see it. Some people are wrong. Hameesha ('always') is a godawful, boring, ridiculous 90's movie starring Saif and Kajol, where Saif's mullet is out of control, so much so it gets it should get its own credit, the story is some dumb crap with reincarnation, and it remains the only film where I've found Kajol's acting completely unconvincing. "Neela dupatta" may be a fun song, the fashion may be laughably bad but please don't subject yourself to this movie. Oh god please.

I is for Ishwar 'Langda' Tyagi aka the role we'll hopefully remember him from in the future. A part of the appeal of Omkara is no doubt the fact that some of its cast steps outside their usual character nichés to portray something radically different. The change from the modern, super-rich, English-speaking NRI type characters to a dirty UP gangster who's most at home in the village is indeed a stark one. Roles like this don't come very often, and I'm glad Saif had this opportunity. Here's to hoping it won't be the last one!

J is for jodis. Probably one of the most popular Saif jodis is Preity-Saif, here in a misleadingly adorable picture from Kya Kehna which is actually NOT a very good film, and their pairing in it is also not too romantic. Do not be fooled!

K is for Karan. Karan, not for Karan Johar who put him him Kal Ho Naa Ho, but Karan as Karan Kapoor of Hum Tum and Karan Singh Rathod from Ek Hasina Thi. Two excellent but very different performances, both from 2004. Karan Kapoor is the character who grows up and matures during the movie, while Karan Singh Rathod is the character who remains the same throughout the film. Whatever change might occur in him, it's only on the surface, a mask he puts on and off as he wishes. Two of my favourite performances by him, and good films, too.

L is for Love Ke Liye Kuch Bhi Karega. An underrated film, one of the few truly situtional comedies Bollywood has produced, also starring Aftab Shivdasani, Fardeen Khan and Sonali Bendre, including Johnny Lever at his funniest (yes, I said it - he is truly funny in this one). This is a predecessor to Dil Chahta Hai, but Saif's performance is up to that DCH level and so if you're running out of post-2001 Saif films to watch, rent this one.

M is for "My adorable darling". The catchiest, worst Hinglish song ever, from Main Khiladi Tu Anari. Sung by Anu Malik himself! God, the horror.

N is for "No Smoking". The theme is central in the episodic film Darna Mana Hai ('fear is forbidden' - should more accurately be called 'fear is impossible because the film is more funny than scary'), where Saif stars in a segment where he plays a photographer checking into a motel run by Boman Irani's character. I love it a lot, Boman and Saif are just hilarious together.

O is for "Ole ole" from Yeh Dillagi. Mullet!Saif classic. Watch here.

P is for Parampara. An early 1990's film with Saif and Aamir as frenemies. You might ask yourself, "why haven't I seen this?". The answer is: the universe is smart and has made sure the DVD's of it aren't that widely available. It's just not very good. Sadly it's not incredibly bad, either, so I know some of you have seen it, and some of you are googling for the DVD as I type this.

Q is for "quite painful" which is the only way I can describe watching a song DVD filled with songs from Saif's crappy 90's film catalogue. You'll never see so much crotch-thrusting in your life. I had to take a shower afterwards because I just felt gross - it's like bad cinema taints your skin.

R is for Rohit Patel. I remember like it was not yesterday but a day way cooler than yesterday and thus worth remembering. Me and my friend, going to the Helsinki International Film Festival to see Kal Ho Naa Ho, a film about which we knew virtually nothing except it starred Shahrukh Khan, an actor we both quite liked. But the weirdest thing happened - instead of loving Shahrukh like usually, I found I kind of preferred the other guy - the awkward Rohit who failed at love but made funny jokes and was otherwise sympathetic. He gets shafted in the movie, but I still think fondly of him.


S is for Sharmila & Soha. The two gorgeous filmi women in his family; the mother and the sister.

T is for Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic. Sure, it's a cheesy children's movie, but it sure as hell beats the other Saif/Rani children's film starting with T where the worst thing EVER is when a super-rich family has to go middle class and live in an apartment (ugh can you imagine the horror!)... Needless to say, I hate the latter movie. Thoda Pyaar is quite sweet, though.

U is for "unwise" which is how I would describe watching more than three song picturizations from really bad 90's Saif Ali Khan movies.
V/W is for "Woh ladki hai kahan". Fantastic song and funny picturization from DCH.

X is this scene in Parineeta.

Y is for Yeh Dillagi, the most recommendable Saif film from the 90's (next to MKTA) and Yash Raj Films, the production house who just loooves casting Saif.

Z is for zzz or congratulations whoever made it through this incredibly long post!

Introducing .. the best movie ever! Main Khiladi Tu Anari.

I'm going to be moving which means a blogging pause for exactly how long, I'm not sure. To bear you over this terrible time, I thought I'd
a) finish up the Introducing Sakshay series
b) plug my favourite bad movie
and c) picspam the best movie ever. <sup>1

1</sup> ..according to a youtube comment.

Main Khiladi Tu Anari - what is there to say about this brilliant piece of celluloid history. How to do justice to such a legend with mere words?

Perhaps in order to dissect this mythical creature we need to start with the basics.

Saif Ali Khan, in the most retrospectively ironic role perhaps ever, plays Deepak Kumar, a super-star who is sick of lover roles in romantic melodramas. He's looking for a role with edge, sensible movies, angry young man, or as he puts it here: "A storm!"

Just as he speaks those fateful words, who should walk in and by walk in I mean kick the door in and enter but Karan Joglekar (portrayed by none other than Akshay Kumar), a cop who is determined to fight crime, especially now that some crooks killed his brother (look, it's the plot reminding us of its existence! hello plot!). Karan happens to be exactly the kind of storm Deepak is looking to play, and impressed with what he sees, he strikes a deal with Karan's boss to tail the badass cop in order to learn some style from him.

I know, method actors in Bollywood, how outrageous is that? But bear with me, the beautiful lack of logic can only lead to good things.

Karan is not happy but agrees to let Deepak tail him on one condition; Deepak has to teach Basanti (Shilpa Shetty), a girl who dances on the street and looks after a bunch of orphans (why of course!), how to act like the night club dancer Mona, who worked alongside this bad guy before agreeing to testify against him, but of course the villain killed her and now Basanti magically appears and looks exactly like Mona. Phew. The complexity of this plot is mind-boggling, I'm telling you. So anyway! Deepak agrees, Basanti turns into Mona, Basanti gets to meet her orphans again and Deepak gets super-emotional like the girl that he is:

Heart-warming, hai na?

What follows is various scenes where Akki is a complete badass, and Saif is a total goof, and a bunch of really wtf-inducing weirdness (the romance in this film is ..well, let's just say the Saif-Akshay relationship is the most normal one in it). There is a lot of corny dance moves, and vague gayness and it all adds up to class A entertainment.

No one in this world should be so cynical as to not enjoy movies of this kind. MKTA practically defines "so-bad-it's-good" in my books. Of course, there can be arguments regarding on how great it would be if it was better, or had a little less WTF-ery, or contained a little more logic, but at the end of the day, it is what it is and what it is, is sheer genius.

You've got Saif in one of the few successful roles he had during the 90's, showing that the man did have a smidgeon of talent even back then; his comic timing is occasionally very good here. You've got Akshay in what is probably the best Khiladi role of them all, kicking ass and taking names, and then kicking ass with said list of names. You've got old-nose-Shilpa, delivering those gyrating-hips-type dance moves with the kind of grace you'd expect from a movie this subtle. Shakti Kapoor as the villain, Anu Malik in charge of the music and the singing on the absolutely worst Hinglish song ever, "My Adorable Darling", the list is as long as the crimes 90's Bollywood commited against humanity.

But of course, in here somewhere, there is a message, a profound teaching to the great masses, a story of love, and of friendship; a story of acceptance, and understanding; a story of how a badass and a wimp can join hands in holy celluloid matrimony ... but you know, even if there is no great message here to take home, you should watch this movie.

If you won't, I'll gladly watch it for you.

Introducing Sakshay, part IV: Keemat

Okay, so technically we are clearly past the introduction stage but this is how the series started, so it is also how it will end. And That New Movie is releasing Friday so I thought I'd finish this series quickly. Let me once again remind you; the movies are listed from bad to better. So second last equals - second best.



While maybe not the most representative, this copy/paste DVD cover of the film Keemat: They Are Back (any film with a subtitle like that is worth good money, isn't it?) is just so magnificent I could not resist. You've got the guys, you've got the girls, you've got Akshay's cowboy hat - everything promises a good time.

Keemat stars Saif and Akshay as two orphans and best friends, raised by the same loving alcoholic adoptive father. They grow up to become first class thiefs and cheats, whose hearts are - of course - in the right place. The story kicks off when they witness a murder of a young man, and find a letter to his parents in his pocket. For whatever reason, the duo decides that they should be the ones to relay the news of the man's demise to his folks, and so they travel to the village and pretend to be the guy's friends to his parents. This may sound unimpressive to you, and quite frankly, it is. But don't worry, you will not be watching it for the story.

The movie is really more a collection of really awesome moments than a comprehensive story. The plot isn't even bad enough to make for campy watching - it's just quite frankly boring most of the time. But who cares when there is so much goodness in between. Leg-on-fire fight scene is a legend in itself, and the songs never fail to amuse. I even quite like Johnny Lever in this movie. Saif-Akshay chemistry is effortless and awesome, but what also impressed me were the performances of the heroines.

Raveena Tandon plays a girl who tricks Saif and Akshay, but understandably after having witnessed Akshay's heroic fighting skills, she falls in love with him. He doesn't care for her, but she's determined. Saif on the other receives the affections of Sonali Bendre, a shy village belle (complete opposite of Raveena's outrageous city girl!). The girls are funny and fabulous, and to watch their interaction is just as fun as watching Sakshay on-screen.

So what would my edit of the movie include? Every song (like the magical O meri chhaila in the above picture), every time Akshay has an action scene, every time Raveena is on screen, when Saif's character has a turn-around, every Sakshay interaction scene and .. oh heck, if you never watch the whole movie, watch this song as it's impossible not to love it.

Introducing Sakshay, part III: Yeh Dillagi

Yeh Dillagi is the movie I wouldn't recommend watching for Sakshay, but would strongly recommend watching for Kajol. Of course, never forgetting that we're walking through the fashion minefield of the 90's, and Yeh Dillagi is more a harmless fluff fest than a masterpiece to be remembered by future generations.

Akshay and Saif play brothers in this re-modelling of the Hollywood classic Sabrina. Kajol is naturally the stunning heroine, who both of the brothers fall for. Standard plot with standard treatment - it is a Yash Chopra-produced film, after all.

But there are highlights! Akshay gets to be the nerd who kicks ass when necessary (read: to save Saif's butt), Saif shows his comic timing, probably for the first time ever, and it's actually pretty delightful despite mullet. And Kajol, god bless her, delivers both beauty and charisma on-screen, even in some questionable fashion choices.

The soundtrack has the composer going crazy on the keyboards, but I rather adore it regardless. "Ole ole" is a hilarious Saif guilty pleasure that always gets stuck in my head, and the other Saif song, "Hoton pe bas" is a dumb song with a silly picturization (those dance moves! oh 90's!) but I find myself rewatching it anyway.

It's been quite a while since I watched this film, so if there were any significant flaws in the movie other than the fact it is in no way a masterpiece, I've forgotten about them. Akshay-Kajol chemistry did not exactly blow me away, and I find myself hoping for another Saif-Kajol movie, because their comic timings match well and this remains the only watchable movie the two were in together.

For a fluffy but ultimately pretty forgettable 90's ride, enjoy this mischief. Yes, I do sound like a half-assed DVD cover tag line, sometimes.

To anybody and everybody surfing here through the Tehelka article..

The article that talks about the non-Indian, Bollywood-loving blogosphere is here and quotes me in its third paragraph. No surprises there, I am the girl way too into a certain male-male actor jodi from the 90's.

I'm as embarrassed as I am amused. But now I feel like I should put this new-found publicity into good use.

Dear Yash Raj Films,

It was thanks to me that your latest production, Tashan, was mentioned in the prestigious magazine Tehelka. If you would like to pay for my continuing promotional effort for this movie, I accept cash, PayPal and Saif.

Last method of payment preferred, but I could use the money, too.

You are most welcome.

And now, a random picture of Aftab and his bachelor philosophy in life:

Introducing Sakshay, part II: Aarzoo

As my selected order for the Sakshay movie posts in this blog go, it's from bad to ...slightly less bad. Aarzoo (title means desire, mostly referring to the desire you have to get those hours of your life back after you finish watching) is a most typical love triangle with some frankly stupid twists thrown in. It's like the first Sakshay film, Yeh Dillagi, only completely devoid of anything making it worth watching.

Madhuri plays a lovely girl who loves Akshay who loves Saif. Just kidding. Saif pines after Madhuri, as well. And boy how he pines. He's simply the most emo, pathetic little Madhuri fanboy in this movie, who writes a diary about how much he likes her. But she likes Akshay, and then things go really bad, and then there is a twist and then there's intermission, and then there's another twist and then .. well, do you really care?

The dynamic as love rivals is not very fruitful in this movie for our guys and Madhuri, as lovely as she is, doesn't lift the film to greater heights, either. There is a tribute scene to Main Khiladi Tu Anari, the One Sakshay Film To Rule Them All, but it's so shoddily executed I weep.

Here's a scene where hair continuity error works for Saif's benefit. No mullet! (The film was made in 2000, aka the year of mullet transition.) There is also a song in the film where Madhuri sings and fantasizes Saif with more wind machine than probably legal in most countries, but I just ..don't warm up to this movie.

It's not devastatingly bad, has its "so bad it's kind of amusing!" moments but nothing makes it stand out, and nothing makes me want to recommend it to anybody outside the diehard Sakshay completists. So that's, um, basically just me.

Tashan is slowly killing me. Emphasis on "slowly".

In Finnish there's an expression, "to wait [for something] like the rising moon" (odottaa kuin kuuta nousevaa - originated, I think, in a song). I've never waited for the moon to rise but I'm pretty sure it can't be worse than waiting for Yash Raj Films to start finally promoting their up-coming masterpiece by the name of Tashan.

The above picture is one of the few released stills we have of the movie, aside from paparazzi snapped shots (those we have two of, and they don't tell much). With the release of the Saif film Race, there were two short (and I do mean short, maybe little over 10 seconds in length) promos put out, which give us instrumental clips of the songs, with some groovy, over-the-top shaking done by the movie's three leads; Saif and Kareena in one promo, Akshay in another.

If you've never followed a Bollywood movie coming out, they usually let the film sink into the consciousness of Indian people for a month or two with the release of the soundtrack, hoping it'll catch on. They'll have song promos, dialogue promos, trailers running on television to make sure people not only hear the film, but see glimpses of it, and remember the release date - so they may drag themselves to theaters. But Yash Raj Films, perhaps having too much faith in this hyped movie starring BO king Akshay Kumar and the hottest 'it' jodi of the moment, Saif-Kareena, is letting the promotion be of the more "intriguing" kind.

The sad fact? I really doubt it'll work.


But who knows. The main reason I'm annoyed and impatient is because I.want.this.film.so.bad. It looks like it was made while on crack, then rolled in crack, deep-fried in crack and served with crack on the side. It looks fantastically insane and self-awarely goofy, and even if the goofiness is unintended, I will roll on the floor laughing and loving it, for certain. And the soundtrack, based on the pathetic little promos they've given us so far, sounds very ace indeed.

And come on, just look at it. Words simply fail to describe my enthusiasm, and my growing frustration with every day going by that there seems to be no development around this movie. They're trying my patience and killing me and succeeding in it, too.

If there continues to be no news about the soundtrack, come April 1st, you can see me going commando on this film banner. I'm going to knock them out like Bebo shadowboxes here ..and worse!

Oh, and the film releases April 25th - since it seems I have to do YRF PR office's job for them.

Introducing Sakshay, part 1: Tu Chor Main Sipahi.

So while waiting for my favourite money-hungry (but in their defence, they do greed in style) banner, Yash Raj Films, to get off their bums and release the soundtrack of Tashan, my most awaited movie 2008 (and perhaps ever), I thought I'd do reviews for all of the five previous Sakshay movies in here.

In true Sakshay tradition, I begin from the worst and work up to the best.

Tu Chor Main Sipahi is a cringeworthily bad movie. I mean, it is just so unexcitedly unterrific I would only recommend it over driving yourself off a cliff as far as ways to spend time go. The title sums up the plot; Saif is a thief and Akshay is the cop who abandons rules for the sake of justice, hunting down the hard-to-catch thief that is Saif. Add a village, a villain, awful songs and the awkward presence of Tabu (poor girl!) and you've got Tu Chor.

Whatever good things my Sakshay-biased brain might delude itself into seeing, the boring badness of the film completely brings everything down. There is simply no campy so-bad-it's-good factor to make the film enjoyable. None. The usually delightful Sakshay dynamic is poor here - the two as enemies might be interesting but the script is simply hopeless.

The best thing about the movie is that it ends, and that it ends like this. No, I don't mind spoiling you the whole movie. Anything to make sure you don't watch it. I'm usually of the view people ought not to be spoiled movies, any movie, unless they so wish themselves. This time, I will make an exception.

Don't see it. And if you must defy this humble request, at least don't pay for it.

Well, here it is finally.

I've watched a few films since I last posted but I won't talk about them, because last night, instead of watching a film, I made something cool.

Somebody said fanvidding is the geekiest thing there is to do. If so, I have just crossed the final frontier..


It is, of course, Sakshay. Specifically, Sakshay from Main Khiladi Tu Anari, set to the wonderful music of Spice Girls.

I've uploaded it on about a million places because the video streaming places do a bad job of conversion of this file, which sucks, but yeah.

Stream it here. Or here.

Or download it (better version!): Megaupload or Mediafire

Enjoy it!

Scriptwriter needs a roundkick in the face - Khiladi.

I loved Om Shanti Om's parody films, as did rest of the universe, but unlike the rest of the universe, who probably did something smart like rewatch Om Shanti Om, I put the original, the very first Khiladi film on my next DVD order.

"It's Akshay doing his khiladi thing!" I told myself. "It can't be all bad!"

Luckily I was right. It isn't all bad. But unlike the other Khiladi franchise film I'd seen, Main Khiladi Tu Anari, it's not delightfully bad, and it's not overall a delight, either.

And no, this is not just my Sakshay bias speaking. This is my Akshay bias speaking. Akshay is a fantastic comedian, a cool dancer and I guess he can do the serious acting thing, too. What he's one-of-a-kind in, however, is the kickass. His karate moves in their whackiest combinations make movie violence incredibly fun to watch. And I thought this was the core of all Khiladi movies. Apparently not.

The film starts out promisingly. Akki does kick ass, he has amazing moves, the secondary hero Deepak Tijori delivers with dumb comedy and everything is gorgeously stupid 90's Bollywood at its best and worst all at the same time. I'm enjoying the ride, laughing out loud constantly and my mind boggles at some of the things the makers of the film came up with. How does Akshay Kumar in drag work for you? I laughed but it did also put me off pink eye shadow for life.


Around one hour and a half, however, the movie makes a dramatic turn from typical college romance masala with a splash of action into a peculiar murder mystery/thriller story. It threw me off completely and made the film drag. There was a song, but it didn't fit the mood at all anymore, and while they did sprinkle some action scenes towards the end, it didn't really make up for a mostly dull second half of the film.

I may rewatch the songs and the first half of the film, however. This catchy college song has so many weird dance moves it's hard not to love it. The canteen fight scene is something I'll definitely recall as one of my favourite Akshay scenes. Akkibatics, baby. There truly is only one khiladi.

In conclusion, the worst films aren't the ones with the least logical storylines or the worst production values. The worst films are those that fail to milk their potential; even if that potential is only in campy enjoyment. This is why Tu Chor Main Sipahi is the worst Sakshay film I know, and this is why Khiladi could be so, so much better. You let Akshay Kumar run lose, do his thing, and you've got a killer movie, I guarantee you. You force a vapid plot twist upon the story and you're not doing anybody any favors.

This film does open doors, though. What should be my next Khiladi film, any suggestions?

Pyaar dosti hai - buddypyaari fanvideos!

Something wonderful happened last Saturday. I woke up to find that one of my dearest Bollywood buddies online had finally finished her passionate project of creating a fanvid for the Saif/Shahrukh jodi in Kal Ho Naa Ho. You know, the true jodi of that movie. Preity was there? Huh, never noticed. And neither will you, when you watch this:



I may be biased but this is a complete gem of a fanvid. The choice of song is just cheesy enough, the lyric connections are beautiful and the whole thing is angsty enough to make me actually feel like Shahrukh loves Saif. Which he does, naturally, but Specsy's fantastic editing makes it so much clearer than Karan Johar's original one. KJo, take notes!

Natural progression of thought: where's the Sakshay fanvid? Well, it exists, guys, and it's not by me.



It is naturally brilliant, even if it only uses clips from two Sakshay movies. I can put aside the fact that they play brothers in Yeh Dillagi because that shot of Akshay wiping blood from Saif's lip is simply too lovely for words. Plus the video makes me like that Zinda song.

Lastly, I found a fanvid for buddypyaari that's more about the buddy than the pyaari.



Featuring clips from Lage Raho Munnabhai, Dil Chahta Hai, Mangal Pandey, some Filmfare bit with Saif & Shahrukh (which can be downloaded from SRKPagali.net and I heartily recommend everybody does, these guys have off-the-hook chemistry) among other things. The song is French hiphop and according to my French-Canadian friend, the lyrics basically praise friendship poetically. The lyric that flashes on the screen freely translates, "The friendship that ends never begun."

Thankfully in Bollywood, it never does end.

Obsession has a second name and it is ...Tashan!

Baba demanded I write a post on Tashan, my most anticipated Bollywood movie perhaps ever, as I seem to be the ultimate authority on all things Sakshay. The trailer and some teaser wallpapers are available at the YRF website, should you want to check out what the big deal is.

Most of you have probably already read my Sakshay "manifesto" and thus know what's what in the world of Saif-Akshay wonders.

I love them. I love them so, so, so much.

But I'm a realist. It's a YRF action film directed and written by the very person who wrote the Dhoom movies. Yes, because Dhoom films were so well-known for their clever scripts, their observant social commentary and their layered performances. I have nothing against Vijay Krishna Acharya and I'm sure he was plenty of vision as a director but those credentials don't really tell much. However, to his defence he also scripted dialogues for Mani Ratnam's Guru and the delightful (but very Hinglish) romcom Pyaar ke side effects.

So even if these things do not speak for Tashan or its success, perhaps the wildly delicious-looking little trailer does. There's the rugged, badass Akshay, the ice-cool Saif, Kareena looking ready to blow the place up and ask questions later and Anil, who's cool despite the fact animal prints never are and never will be. There is a shiny gun and an orgasmic shot of bullet shells hitting sand. All in all, the trailer makes sure we know exactly what to expect from the film; a violent, glorious 100% commercial action spectacle where logic will most likely take the back seat while the bullets fly left and right. Think Dhoom with less bikes, more Sakshay? Oh yeah, baby.

There were news of Kareena shooting a bikini song scene for this movie. Was I surprised? Not in the least.

I keep telling people this is the best movie of 2008. In fact, I've sort of been saying this since I first heard the news way back in late 2006. I may have also used the phrase "best movie ever". I may have also subliminally lead other people to using the same phrase. I hope everybody understands that this doesn't mean Tashan will be a a good movie.

The thing you should know about Sakshay is that they haven't done a single honest good movie. You have good Sakshay movies (and bad ones), but you don't have good Sakshay movies. The distinction is very important because it puts this movie to perspective. Sakshay has previously been cheesy, unintentionally amusing, vaguely homoerotic and undeniably entertaining. Sakshay has previously been 90's. Now Sakshay is put in this movie that is sleek and cool, 2000's Bollywood with all those Western movie influences, all that Hinglish. It's a very different environment, and it'll definitely give us a different kind of Sakshay chemistry, dynamic.

That's what is going to make Tashan the best movie ever. (Unless the director hates me and makes sure they don't have a single scene together.) What it is otherwise, as a movie is sort of secondary to me - more or less unimportant. The stats look good, though. The soundtrack is supposed to be rock-influenced, it's by Vishal-Shekhar and well, just look at the trailer.

I've only once previously followed a movie's release this closely and that was the Aamir-Kajol combination in Fanaa, which I ended up adoring despite flaws. I hope the obsession ends as satisfyingly this time.