A small comforting thought: Abhishek Bachchan.

Whenever I think about the new batch of actors and actresses, the ones who've debuted in the period of 2009 - present, I keep this in mind: it took Abhishek Bachchan four years to show promise (Yuva), five years to deliver on that promise (Bluffmaster, Bunty aur Babli), and six years to really make it (Guru). The fact of the matter is, I'm really unimpressed by most of these new stars. I like some of them, but not that much. I see promise in a few of them, but again, I'm not feeling any passion yet.
Of course, it bears mentioning that times have changed. The early 00's were a different time, and not to get all nostalgic for a period that wasn't perhaps any sort of high point in Hindi film history - though good movies were made, as always - but nowadays, it just seems that everything moves faster. Stars are debuting in big films, and the pressure is on to make it faster. You've got to be good, and to be fair, most of them are good - well, most of them can dance and look good, at the very least. But that special charm is still missing, that acting ability that has to be beneath the abs or the gorgeous face in order for you to really win the audience over.
Again, this is fully subjective. If you feel like these new stars have what it takes already, more power to you; you'll get to enjoy their movies more. For me, that just hasn't clicked yet.

But if there's anything I hate, it's sounding like an old grump when I don't feel like one. I'm open-minded, I'm keeping my eyes open, I'm watching films with these new stars even though I'm not passionate about any of them.
And most of all, I remind myself: these things can take years, like they did for Abhishek, or Kareena.
As long as they don't take decades, like with Saif Ali Khan, I think I'm content in waiting...

Snarking star Tweets - the lazy person's blogfiller.

My choice with the picture for this post went something like this, "Oh if Bollywood stars had their own exclusive Twitter site, it should called be Sheroo for the falcon in Dharam-Veer or the pidgeon from Maine Pyaar Kiya. But dammit, I don't have a screencap of either. Oh well. Have a screencap of foxy Zeenat Aman."

Celebrity tweets. We all follow them, we rarely get anything too satisfying out of them. But since my post on Uday Chopra was so successful, I decided to weed through them anyway for some wisdom. Or pseudo-wisdom. Or whatever.

1. Siddharth (@Actor_Siddharth)

I love the heckins out of Siddhu (who on Twitter corrected the world he has no last name, so the whole Narayan meme is false and not to be used) but sometimes his idle tweet-sized thoughts, like those of many celebs, make me think they should learn how to blog before they tweet. Short thoughts are fine, but tend to need expanding on.

Please don't run through life. Stop to smell the flowers. Sometimes they have no scent, but mostly, smelling flowers is fruitful... Jan 2010

I know this is just an old riff on "Carpe diem", the classic, but really now. Smelling flowers is the least fruitful thing you can do. And as for flowers having no scent? Then they're fake and obviously not worth sniffing! Go, run, do whatever you must! No wonder actors are late for shoots..

If something is worth fighting for, I stop analyzing and go for it. I can't play games. I'm tired of being told what to do. Enough nonsense! Jan 2010

This is exactly what I mean. So much to process. We have no idea what "it" is that's worth fighting for and going for it. Why would you analyze if you know something is worth fighting for anyway? What can't of games can't he play? Mind-games? Games of social rules? He's tired of being told what to do. By whom? Being told what to do is your job, yaar. Unless he is talking about something personal, in which case very well, I think I saw a movie like this once. Or is he talking generally, tired of being told what to do, period? What? What is nonsense? The games? Being told what to do? Everything that's not fighting for? If I were to summarize each of my longer posts in 140 characters, they'd come out looking like this. Enough nonsense!

The rest of his tweets are very mundane, promoting his new Hindi release Striker and otherwise sweet. So moving on.

2. Shahrukh Khan (@iamsrk)

I think this guy's been in some movies so I thought I'd take a look at his Twitter.

do u think of the future.not like the future tomorrow and what u will have for breakfast. but the long term view & how the world will change - Jan 2010

Dude starts off light. Just a little bit of future speculation, quoting George Carlin in the mix. I'm a wild child, Shahrukh. I don't even think about what I'll have for breakfast. I don't stop to smell the flowers, I grab them as I run. Anarchy!

then the low fat fad followed. low fat yogurt. ok.low fat cheese..makes sense...but low fat butter and then low fat celery?how low can u go! - Jan 2010

I enjoy a bit of low fat gravel. (But seriously, I chuckled at this entry.)

COME 2 THE EDGE..no v cannot v r afraid COME 2 THE EDGE..no v cannot v will fall COME 2 THE EDGE..they came & he pushed them..and they FLEW! - Jan 2010

An anonymous poem recited by him ...on Twitter. New media, meet old media. Old media, prepare to get absolutely slaughtered. I want to pat this poor poem's head. And it ain't SRK's fault but man, don't recite poetry in 140 characters. C'mon man!

3. Abhishek Bachchan (@juniorbachchan)

Typo AGAIN!! Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow.

I have finally found my traffic song..... "Move b?#*@ get out the way" - mystikal and ludacris. MINDBLOWING!

Naughty by nature- hip hop hurray!!! Heyyyy, hoooo, heyyyy, hoooo

Yes! Coffee consumed! Feeling like leo in titanic (before it sank)!! KING OF THE WORLD!..ok just met dad. Back to pauper status! Ahh life.

I have nothing to say, apart from how I wish I had Abhishek's sexcellent taste in hiphop and even just a quarter of his joy d'vivre.

4. Riteish Deshmukh (@Riteishd)

Earlier NEWS was printed in lines, today papers print LINES that eventually become NEWS - Jan 2010

Wow, deep, bro. Except ... wait, what?

Which film are you most excited to watch IRONMAN 2 or SHREK 4 - Jan 2010

'Cause they have so much in common, like ... the ... thing with the .. uhh .. number in the title? And they're .. both in English? Oh man, battle of the century. It's on now!

One thing that strikes me as a go through Riteish's twitter is that I've got nothing against the dude, but as I read his twitter, it's just so magnificently boring. He does actually have some - short - commentary on what he reads in the papers and the films he watches but in general none of it is snark-worthy. Sigh.

5. Lara Dutta (@DuttaLara)

It took 250 million dollars to make AVATAR. Its a HUGE deal if a movie is made for even 25 million in India! We r a long way from an AVATAR! - Dec 2009

I can't really snark this tweet because it just annoyed me when I read it (though I typically enjoy following Lara's tweets, which are never stupid or even incredibly dull) and even more after I actually saw Avatar. Bigger isn't better. Even most Hollywood films can't reach Avatar's insane budget. Or the crappy, clichéd storyline. If a measure of a movie is really how much money is spent on it, it's a sad, sad state of things. Here's an idea; make a movie that's good with less moolah, make your money back easier, and everybody benefits.


Dear Every Celebrity on Twitter,

We get it's cool that people are supporting you. It's wondrous to be a filmstar and get to interact we fans. We get you want to be grateful. But for god's sake, step it up. Everytime you begin typing "thank you", stop, and type something else. Type a song lyric. Type a half-assed quote. Type a piece of wisdom, even if it's "food is for babies". Anything.

Do it for your followers. But most importantly, do it for me. I quite like doing these posts.

With love, affection, and anticipation for all your releases, no, really, I'm not being sarcastic ...or am I?

Veracious (@veraciously), of Sotheydance.blogspot.com

Ten quotes from Uday Chopra.

Oh, Uday Chopra.

I'm going to devote an entry to Uday Chopra, because nobody else will. I can understand why, as can anybody with eyes and ration of a regular human being. Uday Chopra is the epitome of nepotism; he's not particularly talented, attractive or worth our attention, and yet he has a film career. Not a career worth boasting about, I should add. Nobody's writing scripts with him in mind, at least outside YRF offices.

But who knows, maybe times will change. Maybe he'll land himself in an artsy regional film next year and get himself a National Award. Maybe ten years from now we'll remember Aamir Khan as a silly chocolate hero who did some "thoughtful" movies and Uday Chopra as the Guru Dutt of our times.

Maybe once I finish typing this post, Amar, Akbar and Anthony will knock on my door and we'll all sit in my room and discuss modern religion over cups of steaming chai. Maybe unicorns are born from strawberries.

Let's dive in deep to the magnificent mind of Uday Chopra. None of the quotes are altered, in punctuation or spelling or stupidity.

(I understand this is a pretty meanspirited post towards a dude who probably knows he's not exactly popular. It's a bit of kicking a man when he's down. But it also makes a point that there's something wrong with the system, if it benefits the people who don't have the chops to do this thing.)

1. "Your star sign: Capricorn - however I don't like being a Capricorn - I would prefer to be an Scorpio - infact I decided to change my birthday from 5th Jan to 5th Nov to be a Scorpio - I just love the traits of being a Scorpio - they can be mean and have a sting - Qualities that I think are very attractive."

From his website, udaychopra.com under "Trivia". I bet he'd find this post attractive! And honestly, I know astrology is big in India and everything, but isn't the whole idea of it that stars determine YOUR character, not that you determine your stars in order to have a more interesting personality?

2. "For ages Indian youth has been repressing his sexual desires and that's why the crime rates are so high. In Scandinavia, the crime rate is zero per cent because they are free and liberated."

From an interview in The Hindu, December 2005. Probably his most quoted slice of brilliance, one he probably regrets the most, if he is at all aware of its quotedness. Won't even begin to pick this one apart, it's too easy to.

3. "Sleep is for the weak, food is for babies, and happiness for women.. Real men don't need any of it.. I knw..I knw..bt dis is who I am 2 day"

From his twitter, December 2009. Just ...WHAT. I'm pretty sure sleep and food are some of the things everybody needs to survive. Stop crying, emo kid.

4. "Your favourite bedroom line - Leave the light on"

From his website, under "Trivia". Just reading this fills me with discomfort and strange horror.

5. "Yup I spoke French, actually I'm half French from my imaginary mothers side..she's from Lyon..makes killer potatoes :))))"

From his twitter, November 2009. WTF WTF WTF. Overall I'm really resenting the obnoxious use of foreign languages in his tweets. Graituitous and show-offy. If you have such an expertise of languages, why don't you make use of that education in something worthwhile? You horrible child of privilege.

And really, who has imaginary parents? Isn't that kind of insulting? Fake-pretend-boyfriends are one thing but imaginary French mothers .. just .. I can't even process it.

6. Most unbelievable quote ABOUT Uday Chopra: "After three years and three films down the line, he has created a niche for himself in Bollywood."

From BBC Shropshire in 2003 (I know, BBC Shropshire wtf?), regarding release of Supari. No, he has not. Six years later, he *has not*. Six years from now, he'll still be unlikely to have a niche for himself. I'll deep-fry my sock the day Uday Chopra has a niche for himself.

7. "Mondays are so strange! it's like everything resets itself on Monday and then continues again. Like an unending loop that just keeps going"

From his twitter, November 2009. Yeah, it's like there's a unit of time and when that unit of time ends, there's like, another unit of time that's exactly the same length of time. It's so weird!

8. "Thought for today - "There is no spoon"...let me know if anyone gets it :-)"

From his twitter, October 2009. No, nobody is likely to get that, considering what an obscure forgotten indie film The Matrix was. In the words of Keanu Reeves, "Whoa."

9. "Favourite colour - Blue but I like Red better"

From his website, under "Trivia". I'm sure Green's kicking himself right now. Also, I think the very definition of "favourite" demands that you don't like something better than your favourite.

10. "I Confess - I´m weird"

From his website, under "Trivia". I concur.


I suppose you might want to want to know how many Uday Chopra movies I've seen. The answer? Enough. But I suppose, looking at this positively, it's not like he's in such high demand that he'd be taking roles from better actors.

Why did I type this post? More to the point, why did I research it? Back to waiting for unicorns to grow out of my frozen strawberries.

Happy 2010. You too, Uday. Kind of..?

IFAC #23: There's a reason we all know what "deewana" and "paagal" mean..

Thanks to the Twitterati folks for coming up with suggestions for topics of my last two entries in this Advent Calendar. It's shown me exactly why I don't blog about Indian films daily - I feel like I keep repeating myself, the same talking points and I just kind of get sick of my own words.

But today's topic is the craziest things you've done out of love for Indian films. Numerized list in no particular order of my own pagali things follows. To be honest, they're not all that crazy.

1. Blow 40 euros on a DVD. This was, in retrospect, simply really stupid. But back then I didn't know of anything better! I didn't know how to order films online, where to order from, what places to trust etc. So instead I took a painstakingly long route to ensure I'd have DDLJ to watch and rewatch until end of time. I ordered through a shop in Finland, who ordered the DVD through some other means they had (probably a shop in the UK) and through that, I got my damn DDLJ DVD. But the cost, plus the fact I had to pick it up from the shop myself to avoid extra costs? Not cool at all. Thankfully I've learned a thing or two since then. But sometimes I think it was worth it, because DDLJ is really that much a favourite.

2. Force my friend to take the longest metro ride ever to buy some Tamil DVDs. London, early 2008. An agonizingly long metro ride and walk to Colliers Wood, a part of London seldom visited by tourists, I'm sure. And what for? Ayngaran Video, of course! But what can I say? So so worth it. The DVD's are way cheaper than in their online shop, but still good Ayngaran quality, the guy who worked there was super nice and recommended good films (which I knew to be good because I'd already seen them!) and I ended up buying way more than I intended and good times was had by all. Well. Not sure about my friend...

3. One word: fanvids. Be it Sakshay set to Spice Girls, more Sakshay set to Spice Girls, a celebration of Saif&Shahrukh hosting or Siddharth + Sufjan Stevens, I'm a classy, classy fanvidder. Who's actually not very good.

4. Decorating with filmi posters, regardless of how cheesy they are.

The thing is, I've completely lost touch with the outside world in regards to what is cool and unique and what is just painfully cheesy and cringeworthy in terms of interior decoration. Somebody might walk into my room and be all, "Oh god she's crazy I have to get out of here!" but I just look around my room, my cheesy posters (I admit I unironically adore the Keemat poster - yes, really .. so much leather and awesome ladies, how could I not?) and I just feel kind of ..home?

5. Two words: Sakshay Manifesto. Oh, you haven't seen it? Click on this (it's in my livejournal).

I mean this is really something. I can just imagine myself explaining this to a total ignoramus of all things Indian cinema.

"You see, there are these two Indian actors. They both had careers a little above the gutter during the 90's, and they did some films together.."

"Oh, were the films good?"

"Not really. Well, some of them are. Well, one of them is okay, some of them are worth watching for the cheese and the rest aren't really worth mentioning."

"Right.."

"But I sort of developed this odd fondness for the films and these two guys acting alongside one another. I mean, they're just really good together. Actingwise. Well, sort of anyway."

"...I see."

Hell, sometimes I feel like even most Hindi film fans wouldn't understand. Sometimes I don't even quite understand it myself.

Maybe I really am nuts.

I really don't need any more Indian DVDs..

No really, I don't. I have piles of unwatched/unfinished films laying all around me in this apartment and I really ought to not buy any new ones. I just counted them and came up with 14. Oh god. One of these weekends I need to just sit my butt down and finish all the ones I began and never finished.

But I also bought some new ones this week. This post is pretty much just therapy; the first stage is admitting you have a problem.

I'm Veracious and I definitely have a problem.

And while, in the understanding company of the readership of this blog, this may not seem like a problem, and while I'm certainly lucky enough not to make an absolutely constant habit of buying Indian DVD's (it's sporadic, rather than regularly scheduled), this is still a problem.

Hoarding is a problem. And this week I've done some Southie hoarding. The above picture is from the latest Vikram starrer Kanthasamy which promises to be a standard masala, where every spice thrown into the mix is psychedelic. I'm as afraid as I am excited.

But this is Vikram, can you really blame me? (You probably should.)

And then the news came down the wire that my second favourite Tamil person of the male sort, Siddharth, just had his most recent Telugu flick come out on DVD.

Oy, I hate you. I love you.

I just don't know anymore. But my wallet does, as it hides deeper into my bag.

Sigh. I threw some extra DVD's onto the Tamil order so by the time both orders get here, I'll have 17 unwatched films in my possession. Always good to have something to watch, I suppose, but it is pretty ridiculous. I mean, what if I never run out? What if I go to my death, still having a backlog of 20-something Indian DVD's waiting for me? (Or microchips or whatever we'll be watching movies on by then!)

These are the things I fear.

So.. what are your DVD-buying weakspots? "Miniscule percentage off" offers? Nehaflix's 5 dollar DVD sales? CD sales? Just being on a website and having a credit card? Collector's syndrome ("well, I own all the other Siddhu Telugu movies, might as well also own this one..")? Share, share! Tell me I'm not alone.