30 Days of Film - Day 8.

8. A movie you’ve seen countless times

Who's surprised? No one? Okay. 

I debated whether this ought to count as a guilty pleasure or not, but I guess I'm kind of beyond considering Main Khiladi Tu Anari a guilty pleasure. It's just a pleasure, plain and simple, and I'm constantly recommending others try it out, and I have seen it around as many times as the number of this post is, if not more. It's just such an entertaining film, with all the 90's bizarreness you could ask for, and some you probably would not ask for (can we talk about how disturbing the romance b-plots in this film are? good grief!).

And just at the off chance that somebody who's reading this hasn't read any of my multiple posts on this film: it's a fun, cheesy 90's Akshay Kumar-Saif Ali Khan buddy cop comedy type of film, where Saif plays an actor who tails Akki, who is the most badass cop ever. The plot is weird, the villain is hilarious, the romance is non-existant, and the chemistry between Akki and Saif is what really makes it worthwhile. 

Alternative Valentine's: pondering friendship.

Over here, we don't celebrate Valentine's as a day of romance, but as a day of friendship. I much prefer it - for one, I don't have to feel like a lonely person, and two, friendship is one of those things that definitely ought to have a holiday.
So I started to think about the status of friendship in Hindi films. Besides the classic "Yeh Dosti", there's the much quoted line from Maine Pyaar Kiya: It's not necessary to say sorry or no thank you in friendship.
I often wonder whether anybody actually took this line to heart and lived their friendships like this. As much as the line is a sweet thing to quote to your best friend when they've done something wrong or when you've done something wonderful to them (nothing to be sorry about, yaar - nothing to thank me over, either, that was nothing), it's not precisely true. In fact, perhaps the very opposite ought to be true. In friendships, you should thank your friend, and be sorry for causing them grief, because it just frankly shows you care.


But moving on. The anecdote goes, Farhan Akhtar set out to write Dil Chahta Hai because he noticed that the Hindi film hero's friends tend to disappear during to the second half of the film. They're there to help the romance along, provide comedy, offer support - but as soon as the film moves onto the main romance, the friends no longer have a function. So DCH puts the romance in the sidelines and makes the friendship the focus - the film isn't over until the friends are all together, nevermind the girls they get along the way.
This is an interesting notion, and very true in films, but perhaps - once again - not so much in life. Friends tend to stick with you through failed or difficult romances. But in great love stories, your soulmate is all you need - once you have him/her, what do you need these meddlesome friends for? They're better off finding their own soulmates, provided there's a subplot they can fit this into.

But there are some really wonderful, true-to-life portrayals of friendship in Hindi films. Friends don't always do a disappearing act - sometimes they're even the focus. And of course, there's the cliché of a pair starting out as friends and eventually realising their feelings for one another...
We are, well, at least I am, still waiting for some things: the female Dil Chahta Hai is one, as friendship between females seems to rarely get center stage or get elevated to that epic "Yeh dosti" type of friendship level. Again, there are exceptions - beautiful, cherished exceptions. But mostly I'm still waiting.
Then there are the absolute travesties, too. For example, to whom is Dostana a tale of perfect friendship? Lying and then attempted seduction on the sly is not what I call a friendship!

And of course, then there are friendships that are too epic for their own good, such as Main Khiladi Tu Anari.
And that, I think, is a good place to end this post on.

Veracious versus Saif: An Imaginary Chat

Saif: So we're making a sequel to Main Khiladi Tu Anari.

Veracious: Shut up. You're not!

Saif: That's correct, we're not making one at all. In fact, there are no plans. I just happen to say something to the press, and they completely misunderstand it.

Veracious: That can be a problem when you deal with a middle-man when making statements. Why not just release everything on your own, like say, via Twitter?

Saif: Me, on Twitter?

Veracious: You're right, it's probably a terrible idea. Nevermind.

Saif: Now I'm a bit insulted. I'm a thinking wo/man's actor. I made Being Cyrus, you know?

Veracious: Dude, you made Race. There was no thought involved in that.

Saif: Shakespeare was also not appreciated during his time..

Veracious: Actually, Shakespeare was very liked in his day. You Shakespearean you.

Saif: I can't believe you spelled Shakespearean correctly.

Veracious: Whatever. When's Agent Vinod coming out? Flick's been in the making for like four years. What gives?

Saif: Who knows. Sriram's a perfectionist. He's my bhai, though, we'll get it done.

Veracious: Four years, though.

Saif: I don't believe in the concept of years now that I've got a young girlfriend.

Veracious: Wow. Why do I imagine you as such a douchebag?

Saif: You're a bad fan, anyway. Did you ever even see Kurbaan?

Veracious: Shut up, and go make that MKTA sequel.

Saif: How about a remake?

Veracious: You leave the casting to me, and it's a deal.

Saif: Isn't talking to yourself the first sign of madness?

Veracious: First, I'm typing this. And second, I don't believe in madness. You know what I believe in?

Saif: What?

Veracious: M.A.D.-ness.

Saif: Oh god..

Veracious:

NIF-a-palooza!, or: Stories of Rewatching.

Dearest dears, according to a philosophy which says that every ...so they dance! post is somebody's first, let me once again explain NIF. It quite simply means Non-Indian Film [fan/ enthusiast/ viewer/ follower] and was invented on the BollyWHAT? discussion forums when people needed a name for those friends of theirs who weren't too into the whole crazy Indian film business and in most cases didn't quite "get it", or were in the process of "getting it", ie. warming up to the films that fans of this type of cinema gobbled up like it was pie they could never have enough of. 

For the purpose of this blog, NIF mostly refers to friends I watch films with, who might've been a great number of films but aren't quite fanatic enough to buy them on their own or watch them on their own. That, or they're utter newbies, but curious enough to come over and let me pop one in the DVD player. 

This past autumn I've had a number of NIF film nights, so I thought I'd share some stories.

How Anthony Ended Up on a Skate-boarding Video

Some university friends were invited over and I presented them with many options; comedies, romantic films, straight-forward masalas - whatever they wanted, we could watch. They picked, surprisingly enough, the classic 1977 Desai-masala Amar Akbar Anthony. Well enough, though I warned them that films of this type were a little out there with the epicness of the storylines but also, well, pretty much everything. Still, this was no Dharam-Veer so I figured we were on safe grounds.

The film went down well, with all its twists and turns and action. It's no short wonder the film's such a classic. The only thing I regret is that my DVD has no subtitled songs, so I was forced to try and remember what each song was about - when nobody understands the lyrics, they miss the context of the song, which can be absolutely essential in these older films. So that was rather a shame. Of course, there is that one English song - My Name Is Anthony Gonsalves - which is utterly delightful.

At some point, a bit of which I couldn't find a screencap, Anthony shows the inside of his tux jacket to reveal the number 420. This caused amusement in one viewer who quipped, "Oh, I have to get a screencap of that!". Now this was for the reasons obvious to anybody who doesn't automatically associate the number with the Indian penal code for 'fraud'.. I did explain this to my friend, but he was still captured by this tiny little bit. 

Later, he borrowed the DVD to screencap it himself and told me it was for a skate-boarding video he and his friends were working on. So, congrats, Amitabh Bachchan.. While I'm sure the video is not in wide circulation, that's got to count towards ...something. 

How Rain Didn't Stop 4 Idiots

Organizing stuff can be a pain in the neck, so after I sent an invitation to another Bollytastic film night to a bunch of my uni friends, I had lots of preparations to make. Snacks to buy from the store, room to clean up completely, re-arrange the room for optimal film-viewing, haul all kinds of useless stuff out of the room and back into the cupboard, etc etc. So after I'd done all this, I could just back and wait for the people to arrive. Sadly, only four of them made it, in a car, and the rest gave up on the way, as the drizzle had turned into heavy rain as they began making their way over to my place.

Resigned, the small group of us settled in to watch something, and what my friends picked was 3 Idiots.  I felt like a bloody waiter at a restaurant, wanting to congratulate them for an excellent choice. Because, really. 3 Idiots is just a film that works on so many levels, I have absolutely no reservations about showing it to anybody who likes films. Of course, it has got its caveats, its tiny flaws - but they don't diminish the viewing experience. It's just great. The audience reaction was extremely positive. I just would've hoped more people had been able to show up. Better luck next time, I suppose. All izz well.. 

And I am especially happy that I own the PAL-DVD because it looks smashing, much better than a lot of the other DVD's I've got. 

Letting Salman Khan Into Your Heart, in 3 Easy Steps

1) Watch Wanted. 

2) Repeat step 1.

3) Repeat step 1 until you reach the expected result.

My friend Mog has a really bizarre taste in men. Or rather, fictional men, actor crushes, that sort of thing. She hasn't really been into any Indian actors, at least not in the "ooh, him! I want to see more with him!" type of sense.  It's been confusing to me, showing her all these films I really love with actors I really like and she just shrugs. 

Now, I sold Wanted to her, Babz and another friend of theirs (who has witnessed the most unfortunate Indian films so far, but that's another story) as a fun action film. While I think I was the one who enjoyed the film the most - I love it to bits, I realize more and more with each rewatch, Wanted is just amazing, and utterly a favourite by now - it worked its ballistic magic on them, as well. And Mog? She kind of loved Salman. To the point that when I left she was busy looking up "Love Me" on youtube. 

I understand the Salman love, don't get me wrong. Even older Salman has his moments, and Wanted is definitely one of them. But on the other hand ...really? You fall for this Sallu, not the fresh-faced MPK Sallu or the goofball 90's Sallu, who's still got a fresh face and eyes that look like he's slept well last night, or any of the nights last week? Well. Mog has always been something else. And if she loves Wanted, who am I to say no?

No Sleep for the Wicked, No Love for the Sakshay

Speaking of Mog, I entirely blame her apathy towards the 90's Saif-Akshay gem Main Khiladi Tu Anari for why this was my lamest reviewing of the film so far. MKTA is magical, but it requires the right sort of mood - the mood of being able to appreciate and adore cinema that isn't too good in the traditional sense but excellent entertainment if you're able to get into its cheesy charms. Mog wasn't in the mood, but Babz was, so we watched MKTA, but to no great success, as the slower parts, our commentary drifted to other topics and we basically talked until I was like "Oh this bit is great, focus!". 

Sigh. Sometimes film viewing goes like that - somebody takes an attitude towards a film and so it doesn't work for them, and that brings the mood down in the whole room. It breaks your heart when it's a favourite that a friend dislikes severely. But sometimes, that's just the way things work out. Sadly.

There were a couple of other films I rewatched with friends recently as well, but I'll end this post here for now so it doesn't get too long and dull. 'Til next time!

IFAC #16: Youtube gem re: best film ever.

Yes, it is indeed a Making Of/promotional interviews for Main Khiladi Tu Anari. I remember watching this and trying to decipher the Hindi in it. I think at some point Saif says a film like this has never been made before. Correctomundo!

Indian Film Advent Calendar #1: mullet!Saif.

Five reasons to never watch a single 90's Saif Ali Khan film:

..and one reason to do so despite the above:

(First screencaps from a song DVD, so can't identify each movie. Last screencap from MKTA.)

Memelicious; Saif Ali Khan alphabets.

For one of my favourite actors in the world of Hindi cinema, I talk about Saif quite a little. I could pretend I have no idea why that is, but honestly, I know exactly why. It's because he released Race this year (not all his fault but good god!), it's because he seems to be only in the news to gloat about how awesome it is to date Kareena Kapoor (I love her, too, but I honestly don't care about the two of them anymore!), it's because .. well, I guess the level of enthusiasm has dropped from "ooh, new Saif film!" to wary optimism (occasionally pessimism) about his future films. The man's never been perfect (and don't I know it) but sometimes he's a little less imperfect, you have to admit. 2006 was a terrific year to be a Saif fan, for example.

But as the fun alphabet meme's been going around, Beth giving some love to Rani Mukherjee and Shweta listing Hindi noir films of the olde, I thought I'd list alphabets Saif-ly.

A is for Akshay. Bet you failed to see this one coming. Yes, Akshay Kumar, current king of the box office (save Tashan for numerous reasons I could speculate, but hopefully none of them is the fact Saif and Akshay starred in the film together), the best co-star Saif can have and has had as far as I'm concerned. Don't get me wrong, he's great with a lot of other people, as well, but something about his chemistry with Akshay just gels and they both have comic timing to die for.
Plus they get along great in real life. Here's hoping they do something together in the future.

B is for Being Cyrus. Excellent dark comedy in English, directed by Homi Adajania. It has some parts that are a little too weird, but I adore everybody's performance in this (Simone Singh, Dimple Kapadia, Boman Irani, Naseeruddin Shah & Saif naturally - what a cast!), and remember Saif saying in an interview it's the kind of film he enjoys the most himself. I've heard rumors the director is working on a new film that will be produced by Saif's company - let's hope it turns out to be true.

C is for Cyrus or see how incredibly uninventive I am even this early in the post.

D is for Dil Chahta Hai. Predictable, I know, but what else would you place here? Saif as the hopeless Sameer is just one of his absolute funniest, effortless performances, and it's also the one that convinced a lot of people this guy should stay in movies. The friendship between the trio of guys in this film is still considered one of the most realistic, wonderful depictions of friendship in Hindi film history and it's often mentioned as changing the tone of Bollywood films and bringing them to the new millennium. Quite a lot of praise for one movie, but if you still haven't seen it, forget everything I just said and watch it for a fun time.

E is for Ek Hasina Thi. If you haven't seen this movie yet, drop everything you're doing, rush to Nehaflix, your local Hindi DVD retailer and buy this film. Now. I'm 100% serious. I remember when after seeing Hum Tum (a film that showed that that guy I liked a lot in Kal Ho Naa Ho was good in other films, too, and I was beginning to consider myself a fan) I was browsing IMDb and checking out Bollywood films I potentially wanted to see, and ran into EHT. I only remember seeing the poster with the streams of blood and the tag line "It started like any other love story..." and I knew I had to get my hands on the film. It is quite simply all-around excellent, and even if it wasn't, I'd want to own it because Saif looks his absolute hottest in this film.

F is for funny. Because comedy's really what appeals to me most about certain actors, and Saif is one of those actors. Even when I drag myself through his godawful (or just very very mediocre) 90's films, sometimes the script is barely good enough to allow his comic timing to surface itself. The thing is, he had it in him all along but the films he chose to do (or got offered) were mostly dreadful junk. Somewhere along the line he grew confidence and the ability to choose wiser and for that I'm glad. Nowadays the same problem persists, though: there simply aren't good enough Hindi comedies to go around.

G is for gay jokes. See also: Kantabeen. See also: Filmfare 2004. See also: this clip. You know you want to.

H is for Hameesha. Some people might tell you this movie is cheesy fluff. Some people might tell you this movie is adorable and stupid. Some people might tell you you'll want to see it. Some people are wrong. Hameesha ('always') is a godawful, boring, ridiculous 90's movie starring Saif and Kajol, where Saif's mullet is out of control, so much so it gets it should get its own credit, the story is some dumb crap with reincarnation, and it remains the only film where I've found Kajol's acting completely unconvincing. "Neela dupatta" may be a fun song, the fashion may be laughably bad but please don't subject yourself to this movie. Oh god please.

I is for Ishwar 'Langda' Tyagi aka the role we'll hopefully remember him from in the future. A part of the appeal of Omkara is no doubt the fact that some of its cast steps outside their usual character nichés to portray something radically different. The change from the modern, super-rich, English-speaking NRI type characters to a dirty UP gangster who's most at home in the village is indeed a stark one. Roles like this don't come very often, and I'm glad Saif had this opportunity. Here's to hoping it won't be the last one!

J is for jodis. Probably one of the most popular Saif jodis is Preity-Saif, here in a misleadingly adorable picture from Kya Kehna which is actually NOT a very good film, and their pairing in it is also not too romantic. Do not be fooled!

K is for Karan. Karan, not for Karan Johar who put him him Kal Ho Naa Ho, but Karan as Karan Kapoor of Hum Tum and Karan Singh Rathod from Ek Hasina Thi. Two excellent but very different performances, both from 2004. Karan Kapoor is the character who grows up and matures during the movie, while Karan Singh Rathod is the character who remains the same throughout the film. Whatever change might occur in him, it's only on the surface, a mask he puts on and off as he wishes. Two of my favourite performances by him, and good films, too.

L is for Love Ke Liye Kuch Bhi Karega. An underrated film, one of the few truly situtional comedies Bollywood has produced, also starring Aftab Shivdasani, Fardeen Khan and Sonali Bendre, including Johnny Lever at his funniest (yes, I said it - he is truly funny in this one). This is a predecessor to Dil Chahta Hai, but Saif's performance is up to that DCH level and so if you're running out of post-2001 Saif films to watch, rent this one.

M is for "My adorable darling". The catchiest, worst Hinglish song ever, from Main Khiladi Tu Anari. Sung by Anu Malik himself! God, the horror.

N is for "No Smoking". The theme is central in the episodic film Darna Mana Hai ('fear is forbidden' - should more accurately be called 'fear is impossible because the film is more funny than scary'), where Saif stars in a segment where he plays a photographer checking into a motel run by Boman Irani's character. I love it a lot, Boman and Saif are just hilarious together.

O is for "Ole ole" from Yeh Dillagi. Mullet!Saif classic. Watch here.

P is for Parampara. An early 1990's film with Saif and Aamir as frenemies. You might ask yourself, "why haven't I seen this?". The answer is: the universe is smart and has made sure the DVD's of it aren't that widely available. It's just not very good. Sadly it's not incredibly bad, either, so I know some of you have seen it, and some of you are googling for the DVD as I type this.

Q is for "quite painful" which is the only way I can describe watching a song DVD filled with songs from Saif's crappy 90's film catalogue. You'll never see so much crotch-thrusting in your life. I had to take a shower afterwards because I just felt gross - it's like bad cinema taints your skin.

R is for Rohit Patel. I remember like it was not yesterday but a day way cooler than yesterday and thus worth remembering. Me and my friend, going to the Helsinki International Film Festival to see Kal Ho Naa Ho, a film about which we knew virtually nothing except it starred Shahrukh Khan, an actor we both quite liked. But the weirdest thing happened - instead of loving Shahrukh like usually, I found I kind of preferred the other guy - the awkward Rohit who failed at love but made funny jokes and was otherwise sympathetic. He gets shafted in the movie, but I still think fondly of him.


S is for Sharmila & Soha. The two gorgeous filmi women in his family; the mother and the sister.

T is for Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic. Sure, it's a cheesy children's movie, but it sure as hell beats the other Saif/Rani children's film starting with T where the worst thing EVER is when a super-rich family has to go middle class and live in an apartment (ugh can you imagine the horror!)... Needless to say, I hate the latter movie. Thoda Pyaar is quite sweet, though.

U is for "unwise" which is how I would describe watching more than three song picturizations from really bad 90's Saif Ali Khan movies.
V/W is for "Woh ladki hai kahan". Fantastic song and funny picturization from DCH.

X is this scene in Parineeta.

Y is for Yeh Dillagi, the most recommendable Saif film from the 90's (next to MKTA) and Yash Raj Films, the production house who just loooves casting Saif.

Z is for zzz or congratulations whoever made it through this incredibly long post!

Introducing .. the best movie ever! Main Khiladi Tu Anari.

I'm going to be moving which means a blogging pause for exactly how long, I'm not sure. To bear you over this terrible time, I thought I'd
a) finish up the Introducing Sakshay series
b) plug my favourite bad movie
and c) picspam the best movie ever. <sup>1

1</sup> ..according to a youtube comment.

Main Khiladi Tu Anari - what is there to say about this brilliant piece of celluloid history. How to do justice to such a legend with mere words?

Perhaps in order to dissect this mythical creature we need to start with the basics.

Saif Ali Khan, in the most retrospectively ironic role perhaps ever, plays Deepak Kumar, a super-star who is sick of lover roles in romantic melodramas. He's looking for a role with edge, sensible movies, angry young man, or as he puts it here: "A storm!"

Just as he speaks those fateful words, who should walk in and by walk in I mean kick the door in and enter but Karan Joglekar (portrayed by none other than Akshay Kumar), a cop who is determined to fight crime, especially now that some crooks killed his brother (look, it's the plot reminding us of its existence! hello plot!). Karan happens to be exactly the kind of storm Deepak is looking to play, and impressed with what he sees, he strikes a deal with Karan's boss to tail the badass cop in order to learn some style from him.

I know, method actors in Bollywood, how outrageous is that? But bear with me, the beautiful lack of logic can only lead to good things.

Karan is not happy but agrees to let Deepak tail him on one condition; Deepak has to teach Basanti (Shilpa Shetty), a girl who dances on the street and looks after a bunch of orphans (why of course!), how to act like the night club dancer Mona, who worked alongside this bad guy before agreeing to testify against him, but of course the villain killed her and now Basanti magically appears and looks exactly like Mona. Phew. The complexity of this plot is mind-boggling, I'm telling you. So anyway! Deepak agrees, Basanti turns into Mona, Basanti gets to meet her orphans again and Deepak gets super-emotional like the girl that he is:

Heart-warming, hai na?

What follows is various scenes where Akki is a complete badass, and Saif is a total goof, and a bunch of really wtf-inducing weirdness (the romance in this film is ..well, let's just say the Saif-Akshay relationship is the most normal one in it). There is a lot of corny dance moves, and vague gayness and it all adds up to class A entertainment.

No one in this world should be so cynical as to not enjoy movies of this kind. MKTA practically defines "so-bad-it's-good" in my books. Of course, there can be arguments regarding on how great it would be if it was better, or had a little less WTF-ery, or contained a little more logic, but at the end of the day, it is what it is and what it is, is sheer genius.

You've got Saif in one of the few successful roles he had during the 90's, showing that the man did have a smidgeon of talent even back then; his comic timing is occasionally very good here. You've got Akshay in what is probably the best Khiladi role of them all, kicking ass and taking names, and then kicking ass with said list of names. You've got old-nose-Shilpa, delivering those gyrating-hips-type dance moves with the kind of grace you'd expect from a movie this subtle. Shakti Kapoor as the villain, Anu Malik in charge of the music and the singing on the absolutely worst Hinglish song ever, "My Adorable Darling", the list is as long as the crimes 90's Bollywood commited against humanity.

But of course, in here somewhere, there is a message, a profound teaching to the great masses, a story of love, and of friendship; a story of acceptance, and understanding; a story of how a badass and a wimp can join hands in holy celluloid matrimony ... but you know, even if there is no great message here to take home, you should watch this movie.

If you won't, I'll gladly watch it for you.

Introducing Sakshay, part II: Aarzoo

As my selected order for the Sakshay movie posts in this blog go, it's from bad to ...slightly less bad. Aarzoo (title means desire, mostly referring to the desire you have to get those hours of your life back after you finish watching) is a most typical love triangle with some frankly stupid twists thrown in. It's like the first Sakshay film, Yeh Dillagi, only completely devoid of anything making it worth watching.

Madhuri plays a lovely girl who loves Akshay who loves Saif. Just kidding. Saif pines after Madhuri, as well. And boy how he pines. He's simply the most emo, pathetic little Madhuri fanboy in this movie, who writes a diary about how much he likes her. But she likes Akshay, and then things go really bad, and then there is a twist and then there's intermission, and then there's another twist and then .. well, do you really care?

The dynamic as love rivals is not very fruitful in this movie for our guys and Madhuri, as lovely as she is, doesn't lift the film to greater heights, either. There is a tribute scene to Main Khiladi Tu Anari, the One Sakshay Film To Rule Them All, but it's so shoddily executed I weep.

Here's a scene where hair continuity error works for Saif's benefit. No mullet! (The film was made in 2000, aka the year of mullet transition.) There is also a song in the film where Madhuri sings and fantasizes Saif with more wind machine than probably legal in most countries, but I just ..don't warm up to this movie.

It's not devastatingly bad, has its "so bad it's kind of amusing!" moments but nothing makes it stand out, and nothing makes me want to recommend it to anybody outside the diehard Sakshay completists. So that's, um, basically just me.

Well, here it is finally.

I've watched a few films since I last posted but I won't talk about them, because last night, instead of watching a film, I made something cool.

Somebody said fanvidding is the geekiest thing there is to do. If so, I have just crossed the final frontier..


It is, of course, Sakshay. Specifically, Sakshay from Main Khiladi Tu Anari, set to the wonderful music of Spice Girls.

I've uploaded it on about a million places because the video streaming places do a bad job of conversion of this file, which sucks, but yeah.

Stream it here. Or here.

Or download it (better version!): Megaupload or Mediafire

Enjoy it!