IFAC #19: The obligatory Analytics post.

Every blogspot blogger loves Google Analytics, because to find out what people search for to end up on our blogs is hilarious. I've often mentioned these hilarious searches to people over IM but never made the obligatory "search key words" post. So here it is, get ready!

1. "haiku of farhan khan"

Um.. Either they mean Farah Khan or Farhan Akhtar. Since the latter one inspires more poetry in me, I'll freestyle a haiku. However, as it so happens, I don't really know how syllables work in English and haiku-ing in Finnish is easier so I'll just do that.

voi Farhan mä en
nimeäsi hämmennä
lohi sukeltaa.

Translation: Oh Farhan, I don't / confuse your name / the salmon dives.

2. "cultural proximity in kabhi kushi kabhi gham"

Hot damn, them's big words. While I wish I was able to pick apart KJo's films using such interesting terminology, I kind of don't have the interest, so ..sorry!

3. "im white but like bollywood movies"

Um. You're not alone?

4. "look a shiny thing"

Sorry, not much sparkle here! Unless you find Indian films shiny, which I personally do.

5. "purab kohli wife"

Dude, if I was his wife, I would not spend my days blogging about films. Or maybe I would, but I would also keep a secret blog secretively titled "HOLY SHIT you guys I am Purab Kohli's wife how did my life get this awesome?!".

Disclaimer: I don't know if Purab Kohli has a wife, and if he does, I mean no disrespect to his wife by the above paragraph. I'm sure if she exists, she has better things to do than keep a blog. As would I, if I was really his wife.. God this paragraph is getting creepier than the last one, I better stop writing it.

6. "what is it called when they dance at the end of indian movies"

I think it's just called a dance at the end of a movie. If it's during the credits and obviously has nothing to do with the film, it could be a promotional song. Why am I answering a random Googler's question seriously?

7. "why did they dance slumdog millionaire"

I bet this and the person before are the same guy. Sigh. Listen, dude. Boyle came to India and worked with a lot of Indians and probably got an idea to end his movie off with a dance sequence in "Bollywood style" even though it wasn't really Bollywood style because Bollywood films rarely end on an elaborate song and dance sequence because audiences in Indian theaters typically start leaving when they know how the movie ends and don't stick around for the credits. It's just a little homage. It's no big deal in the context of Slumdog.

8. "mullet dance"

Nobody wants to see a mullet dance, yaar. Unless it's at the end of Slumdog Millionaire, in which case I would know Danny Boyle really knew his Indian films..

9. "manpain definition"

Angsty dudes. Come to think of it, I don't use this often enough to have it in my intro post's glossary. Shame, self, shame.

10. "saif"

Short and simple. I hope he had "SaifSearch" turned on! Ha ha ha -- oh forget it.