Mardaani: heroism for today.

 

Films react on a delay, and so it is only now that we're getting to see films that draw from the impact of the Delhi bus gang rape in late 2012, and the resulting larger discussion about violence and harassment of women in India. It's not like discussion or backlash has ever quieted since the Delhi case and the ensuing protests. Violence against women makes headlines in India every single day, and should remain the topic of discussion, much as it should worldwide, in every country, including the one I'm writing from right now.

Prakash Sarkar's Mardaani (Fighter) enters this discussion as a grounded cop drama, centered on Shivani Shivaji Roy (Rani Mukherjee), a no-nonsense cop working in Mumbai's crime branch. When an orphaned girl Pyaari Shivani has a personal connection to goes missing, she's on the hunt for the kidnapper. As the crime syndicate head Karan (Tahir Raj Bhasin) contacts her to taunt her, a game of high stakes cat and mouse develops between them.

 

The story is simple as it doesn't need to be much more. Pyaari's kidnapping and disappearance reveals a brutal, disturbing business in which young girls are traded as any other illegal commodity on the market, like drugs or guns. If there are any filmi flourishes added to this side of the story, there need not be, because just the reality of it is shocking enough. Thankfully at least in the world of film, we get catharsis - Shivani is precisely the right person for the job, following up clue after clue, putting the pieces of the puzzle together, alongside her team.

Rani Mukherjee plays the role cool as a cucumber. You could accuse the character of the same exaggerated flawlessness as many a film cop, but what I'd argue is that men get these roles dime a dozen, whereas seeing this kind of badassery from a woman is pretty rare. Let us have it, for once, in all its exaggeration. Let's allow Shivani to be awesome without undercutting it one bit.

Another thing I really enjoyed is that while they allow Karan's character to get some decidedly cool villain dialogues where he gains the upper hand, and even a moment of distinct humanity and emotion, there is never a moment in which you truly feel sorry for this garbage human being. Poor child trafficker is not a trope anybody needs to see, and while newcomer Tahir Raj Bhasin puts in a good performance, there's not an ounce of me that likes the character.

The final couple of scenes pack such a punch we might as well unpack them, but to do so, I must discuss some spoilers. Feel free to take this as a full-fledged recommendation, with the caveat that if you are a sensitive viewer who cannot stomach violence or the heavy subject matter, you naturally should skip out on the movie, no matter how good or (in my view) important it is. It's fine, not all films are for everybody.

 

Before I get to Shivani's monologue, there is another key scene earlier on the film, in which a Delhi police boss tells her to essentially back off, and uses the red flag phrase for women in any work place, "you're getting overly emotional". It's an important scene because it demonstrates a point Shivani later demonstrates by somewhat advocating for 'encounters', Indian slang for a tactical murder of crime suspects or criminals commited by the police. The police higher up is not malicious, but his attitude speaks about a lack of interest when it comes to these cases. "What's one girl, why get so invested?" he is essentially asking, but it's the same question thousands of police officers in India ask themselves, while they fail to solve the cases of disappearance, kidnapping, rape, murder etc. Female lives barely matter in the greater scheme of things.

Shivani's veiled acceptance of encounters sits uneasily with me, but her monologue brings up an important point that beyond the questionable behaviour by the police, the next step in the judicial system - the courts - are just as disinterested in the importance of women. They may be bribed, or influenced, or simply misogynist so as to not rate the life of a woman as important as that of a man. We see this, worldwide, where rape victims are questioned on their attire and sexual history, and criminals with power and influence in society can brush aside serious crime accusations with a flick of a judicial wand.

In Mardaani, it is the victims who finally get to enact revenge on the criminal, because this is a film, after all. It's a difficult thing, because as a viewer it felt right and wrong simultaneously, because in the context of the story, I needed this ending, but in the big picture of things, one dead garbage human doesn't change the system of wrong that allowed him to successfully thrive and commit horrible acts. But that's my heavy-hearted Weltschmerz-suffering overly pensive side, perhaps. The good guys won here. And I'm really thankful for that.

Talaash: when is a slow reveal too slow?

Had it been released any other year, Talaash would've probably been the best film of the year. Lucky for us the audience, the year was 2012, which gave us another excellent Hindi mystery thriller, Kahaani. It's difficult not to talk about the two films in conjunction with one another, as they both involve an urban setting, a main character trying to piece together what seems like an unsolvable mystery, a plot twist and attempt to hood-wink the audience into not seeing that twist coming. They're also both films you're best knowing the most minimal amount of premise, going in.

So here's what I'll say about the plot - things you can piece together from the first trailers, which hit the internet about a year ago: a man drives off into the sea on an entire empty road, for no apparent reason. A police man (Aamir Khan) tries to piece together what happened, while growing distant from his wife (Rani Mukherjee) and running into the lady of the night, Rosie (Kareena Kapoor), who helps him try to solve the mystery.

I will try to discuss the film without revealing spoilers, but you're very sensitive to this sort of thing (I know I am!), you may want to stop reading now.

Talaash is a finely made movie with competent direction, littered with strong performances (from the heart-wrenching one from Rani Mukherjee to the crooked yet sympathetic character portrayed by Nawazuddin Siddiqui). It's definitely a step up from Reema Kagti's debut, Honeymoon Tavels Pvt Ltd, which was adorable but not too ambitious. As such, it's hard to phrase why the film doesn't really make it into my favourites. It's got so many things going for it, from the performances to the themes it portrays (which I cannot really discuss without going into spoilers), to the excellent cinematography. Going into it, I didn't know much, but I was expecting a lot - that's what tends to happen when three of one's favourites are shoved into the same film, with a promising premise. I'm not quite sure if the film delivered on all the things I really wanted it to.

I suppose one factor was the relatively slow pace of the middle third of the film. As a viewer, you're trying to put together the same mystery Aamir's Surjan is attempting to solve, but coming up with very little. I wasn't really at my sharpest when watching, so perhaps I could've seen the twist coming, had I concentrated a little more, but by the time the film got to its half-way mark, I found myself as frustrated as Surjan seemed to be. Things just weren't adding up in a satisfying manner, and the film began to feel a bit boring. I was fine with the twist, when it arrived - it seemed strangely fitting, and I didn't mind the aspect it added to the film. I figured it out, I suspect, exactly at the moment the director wanted me to figure it out, considerably before Surjan does, but not so early as to ruin the discovery.

So what I was left with was "just" a good film. When put up next to the crop of other good films, Talaash definitely stands out as a good film, but not so overwhelmingly strong that I'd say I loved it. I also wasn't so personally moved by as to call it a favourite. But worth seeing, especially if you like any of the three big stars in the main cast? Absolutely. 

12 awesome random filmi pictures.

Nadira!



Any picture with both Vidya and Rani is a winner in my books.


Sonam looking gorgeous as per usual.



This picture of Dharmendra is just ... A++++




Who doesn't love the apples in Maine Pyar Kiya?



..or the lair in Parvarish?


Or this swishy skirt of Rani's from Bunty aur Babli?



Oldie stars eating away!



Siddharth as a baby!


Vinod Khanna living the life!



Production still from Kagaaz Ke Phool.



Aradhana to cap this post off.

Happy 12/12/12, guys!

The Catfight Myth, and about female friendship in general.

Why hasn't there been a female Dil Chahta Hai? An all-girls' version of Dostana?

For that matter, can you name two actresses who are friends within the Hindi film industry?

These are just some of the questions that popped into my head as result of watching the magnificent duo of Rani Mukherjii and Vidya Balan on an old episode of Koffee with Karan, the appallingly shallow chat show, where Karan Johar does the duplicitous tango by making it out like he's everybody's best friend, and then actively stirring up drama between anybody who will take the bait, and giggling gleefully when they do so. In the episode, both Rani and Vidya show excellent camaraderie while promoting their joint venture, No One Killed Jessica. They giggle, share inside jokes, and then talk about working on the film and being professionally influenced by one another.

Karan politely takes all in this and comes back with an observation that female friendship unravels "when the make-up comes off" (or goes on, I do not remember the exact wording), because at the end of the day, women just don't do friendship, and it all ends in catfights over men or popularity or fashion, right?

This really set me off, because it's a vicious narrative constantly told by the media surrounding the film industry. There's a tendency to pit actresses against each other for "the top spot", even on top of all the criticisms they can garner for their fashion sense, or movie choices or weight fluctuations (the last one is a rant for another day). There'll always be rumours of affairs and such, but the often faked stories of cat fights always push this idea that two actresses cannot, absolutely cannot, have a functional friendship - or even just a professional relationship, when working on a film together.

Of course, it'd be ridiculous to claim this was all media-made, but consider about the ease of stirring up controversy by just making up things. If somebody you know tells you a friend has said awful things about you, even once your friend says it's not true, the suspicion that they're lying to cover it up will remain in your head. Now consider if this is a friend you're not particularly close to, but have some links through mutual friends and work connections, and of course there's all this gossip around - maybe there are rumours that this friend has flirted with the person you're romantically involved with, or said even more horrible things about somebody you do consider a close friend.. The sheer level of mean-spirited cattiness in the film industry circles must be through the roof, so who do you trust, at the end of the day?

Rani is sometimes criticized as being too diplomatic in her answers. In Koffee with Karan, she refuses to align herself with this, that or the other. She's friends with Salman, Shahrukh and Aamir. She likes all the new up-and-comer actresses. In an industry so full of camps and alliances, you could argue she's being dishonest for the sake of continuing to get work, but could it be more than that? Maybe she's decided it's better not to play these media games, and say catty things about people you barely now, just to get a laugh out of a talk show host who loves his "film fraternity" gossip (note how it's "fraternity", not "sorority" or even the gender-neutral "community"). That it's more professional to say nice things about everybody, and keep any negativity you might have silent, because it is essentially a work environment - and there's nothing more poisonous to a work environment than idle gossip.

It's not like the men of Bollywood are immune to these sorts of bust-ups. In fact, you could argue that the media machine is often just as horrible about male friendship (or lack thereof). It is a business, and at the end of the day, people are competing against each other, despite any personal fondness towards one another. Still, I've always sensed that there is this general myth about actresses and friendship - that all of their friendships are fake, all the ladies are catty towards one another and fighting it out, over men or over films or over fame. Some of the stars play their own part in manufacturing these rivalries, because if you're not making headlines, you're not a star. How much have Kareena and Priyanka gained over their well-documented rivalry ..but you could also ask, how much have they lost?

It's a cycle; the idea that there is no female friendship among actresses perpetuates the idea that female friendship overall is a phony concept, and therefore why would you make films about it (or female-centric films overall), and even if such a film was being made, no two actresses would sign up to do it because they are always in such strong competition with one another, without any chance of friendship, or solidarity, or even just professional politeness. And of course, female-centric films do not fare well at the box office, or so the common belief goes, and thus a lot of top actresses are reluctant to sign up to do such films in the first place.

What gives? I hope for some people to be brave enough to break this cycle. Producers, directors, actresses themselves.. We've seen steps in the right direction, No One Killed Jessica being one example. Now let's race towards that direction.

Aiyyaa - the tale of one fangirl.

Here's how I'd describe Aiyyaa: it's a Rani cupcake with a Rani cake as base, a Rani heart in the centre of that cake, tons of Rani frosting and some Rani sprinkles on that frosting. 

Bottom line, if you love Rani Mukerji, there's a very good chance you'll at the very least enjoy this film once. If you happen to be a part of that magical Venn diagram of Rani fans who are heterosexual females (or gay males, or just anybody with an appreciation of the male aesthetic) who love Southie films and especially good-looking Southie actors in those films? Well, you're in for a treat.

Is the plot lacklustre and kind of lacking of pay-off for most of the film? Yes, absolutely. Do the songs totally make up for it? Oh yes.

Did my id co-write this film while I was sleeping? It's a theory.

Meenakshi is a filmi-obsessed young woman with a family full of comic goofballs and a big imagination to escape to. She finds a job at a nearby college just to get out of the house, and in that job comes across Suriya (Prithviraj), a mysterious Tamil art student and painter, who she is wildly and instantly attracted to. However, her family has put in a matrimonial ad in the paper, listing a bunch of white lies to attract suitors. While Meenakshi spends her time daydreaming and following Suriya in his steps, her family is busily arranging her marriage to anybody who will accept her. 

What is truly great about this performance is that I believe at the hands of a lesser actress, Meenakshi would've been a pretty vapid character, what with her over-dramatic filmi fantasies, and her tendency to do silly things. In Rani's portrayal, however, she becomes alive as a human being, too, determined and endlessly likable, and utterly hilarious to boot. Her little expressions just killed me with joy every time.

The film is a little odd, to say the least, what with Meenakshi essentially stalking Suriya while being able to catch his scent from anywhere at all, but somehow it's so entertaining I simply don't mind.

Prithviraj doesn't get much to work with, but what he does as the solemn, mysterious Suriya is pretty wonderful all the same, and the songs that we get to see from Meenakshi's fantasies show a more goofy side of him, too. I might've been irked by the fact that the film is brimming with gratuitous objectification of males (not only of Prithviraj, but Meenakshi's co-worker is the world's biggest John Abraham fan and not afraid to show it), was that kind of thing not rather rare in films. When it comes down to it, it's a comedy about female desire, that doesn't laugh at the desire itself, but does present a rather exaggerated version of it - hence, funny.

What the film probably does require is for the viewer to be able to drool right along with Meenakshi whenever Suriya steps into frame. Hence the Venn diagram demographic that I mentioned earlier.

The portrayal of Tamil films, or what Meenakshi thinks Tamil films are, is rather loving in my view. She's a girl attracted to the colourful and the over-the-top, so I'm not surprised that's what she thinks of Tamil cinema as well. Dreamum Wakeupum to my eyes and ears catches precisely the type of music, dancing and colours that I love about Tamil films' song numbers (though the guys don't do half as much shirtless dancing, sorry to report). I also find it amusing that whereas a lot of Tamil films forget to give their heroines much characterization, in here it's Prithviraj who has a rather flat character, while Rani gets all the focus. Her Tamil learning is also adorable and utterly sincere. There is no laughing or mocking the language or the cinema aesthetic that goes with it: it's definitely a tribute. And if there's one trope I wish more films would use, it's people learning regional languages to impress the one their heart desires. (This I also loved in Ek Duuje Ke Liye.)

Aiyyaa could've used better direction and editing, but as a flawed, Rani-flavoured treat, it certainly worked its magic on me. With good songs and rather hilarious, over-the-top comedy, it's a film I'll probably rewatch a ton.

30 Days of Film: Day 24.

24. Favorite movie from your favorite actress

Rani Mukherjii is just one of my favourite actresses, but there's a special something that makes her rise above the rest. Perhaps it's the fact she impresses in mediocre films as well as really superb ones, or the fact she's just classy and so very likable in just about everything she does. Hum Tum I picked because not only is it one of my most rewatched films and an utter favourite in the romantic comedy genre, it's also just a solid, very adult performance from Rani and it's the film that made her a favourite. Before Hum Tum, I thought there was a reason why she played second fiddle to Kajol in Karan Johar films. After Hum Tum, I realised she was equal to her cousin Kajol in beauty and in acting skills. 

London times - No One Killed Jessica & just a smidgeon of Dhobi Ghat.

So I visited London a short while ago. As usual, this meant visiting the Ayngaran Video shop in Colliers Wood (which still has friendly staff and amazing deals! I cannot recommend it enough). I'll try to watch all the films I bought uncharacteristically fast and not let the DVD's lie around waiting for me to get to them, so expect a lot of Tamil goodness in this blog soon! But what was also great about visiting London was what is a rare treat for me - Bollywood in an actual movie theatre.

Unlike last time I visited the UK (last year May), I had better luck with what was running while I was over there. Sure there was Yamla Pagla Deewana or whatever the hell that film is called, which I very decidedly gave a miss in favour of No One Killed Jessica - a film I was curious about and had heard good things about, though hadn't actually read any reviews, professional or non.

I had a feeling I would like it and I certainly did. Now, being as out of the loop as I have in the past, uhh, I don't know, year or so?, it's hard to tell what the consensus on the film is in the world of Bollywood. When I later on met Daddy's Girl she told me that the reviews for the film hadn't been all that, which surprised me - I'd only seen praise, from Bolly-fanatics and not-so-much alike. I guess it just depends where you look.

NOKJ, for those unfamiliar, is a story that mixes fact and fiction about the death of Jessica Lal, who was shot in a crowded bar full of people but whose killer still went unconvicted for a long time (hence the title). The film's story focuses on two main characters, Jessica's sister Sabrina (Vidya Balan) and Meera (Rani Mukherji), a tough-as-nails journalist who at first ignores the case, believing it not to be worth her time, but eventually ends up working passionately to expose the authorities' mishandling of the case.

That's probably giving a way too much, to be honest. I went in not knowing anything and came out loving it. It was just a well-made movie, and a fantastic example of how a female character-driven film can work just as well as something hero-focused. Vidya Balan shone in the role, so much so I could feel the pain that her character felt, and found myself welling up constantly. I later wondered if I'd ever cried so much at a film. Then I realised I had, of course, wept myself silly at Paa (with also Vidya in it ..coincidence?). And Rani was also great, even if her character's sharp, bitchy edge could've been written a little less over-the-top. I am also just so happy she is doing these alternative types of roles, as opposed to the usual YRF fare. Mind you, I am one of the few who love her even in those fluff pieces, but she's a better actress than to limit herself to roles of that kind, and the self-assured, independent and career-minded Meera was just one of those performances that isn't going to be easily forgotten.

It's a film that tugs at the heart-strings in a massive way, has that lovely against-authority-power-to-the-people Rang De Basanti type of edge to boot and yeah, really enjoyed it. I hope this is a sign of things to come for 2011. Maybe if we get a ton of films as good as this one, I'll jump more actively on the Bollywood-train, because I've just been watching it go by for a really long while now (though I've always kept rewatching old favourites and suchlike).

Unfortunately, when I meant to go see Dhobi Ghat with Ros, luck was not on our side! First all of the trains in her direction were cancelled so she was late, then we went to the wrong screen, then we find the right screen and sit down to watch around 15 minutes of the film, only to have the projector break down so bad we get our tickets refunded. And this was basically my last day so I couldn't go see the film the next day. Based on what I saw, the film certainly looked interesting - Prateik (Babbar)'s looked like a promising performance, and we were just getting to the part where Aamir Khan's character starts figuring out what the tapes left at his new apartment were about. I enjoyed the low-key feel of the film and ...yeah, it was disappointing as hell, even as I got my money back from the £10.70 film tickets. I guess I'll wait for DVD?

Siiiiigh.

Anyway, I realise I really need to get on a move on with this blog! Expect a thinky (extremely!) analytical post on Chak De India which is based on an essay I wrote. I still haven't done my Filmi Year 2010 post because .. I feel like I really have not seen all the best films of 2010.

So let me throw this one out to you.. I've seen Striker, Housefull and ..uhh, really, self, is that it? I guess it is. I will DEFINITELY be checking out Dabangg, Baava and possibly Tere Bin Laden, Band Baaja Barat. In fact, I should go look all of those up on Nehaflix for my next Bolly-DVD order.

But anyway - what were your favourites of 2010? What would you recommend I see? (Knowing my tastes, as hopefully the regular readers do, if just a little.)

Bunty aur Babli steal your heart & valuables.

Bunty aur Babli (2005), the bombastic masala thrill about two con-artists gaining fame all around India, directed by Shaad Ali Sehgal, always takes me back to my Indian film newbie years. I saw some promo pictures for the movie and got pretty excited about it. It just looked so colourful and amazing, and I'd seen Rani Mukherjee in Hum Tum and really liked her in that. It was the first Bollywood movie I didn't just randomly come across or get recommended or anything. It was a movie I sort-of-found on my own, and got excited about seeing it.


The movie's inherently tied to those first impressions and memories of it. How at first I really enjoyed it but not unconditionally - I thought it had some flaws (given, I still do). But it also just works, on so many levels, and nowadays, when I rewatch it, I am able to dig beyond those first impressions and appreciate it all the more.

So, instead a proper review, have a series of random, spoilerous observations -- and if you haven't seen the movie, drop everything you're doing and get your hands on it. Consider this a huge recommendation. It's really so worth it.


1. I adore the love story, the way their bond slowly and subtly develops. A part of why this film is so special to me is because I think I saw it at the point in time when these stars hadn't crystalized in my mind, and when I watched the movie I only saw characters. Don't get me wrong, this happens nowadays, too, with good movies particularly. But back then, I really wasn't watching Abhishek and Rani at all - I was watching Bunty and Babli, or Rakesh and Vimmi, and seeing them come together. It was just great. Despite their gentle bickering, Vimmi's tantrums and all, they gel perfectly together, and it's just all too sweet. Plus they can be surprisingly steamy together.

2. And there are so many awesome, cutesy coupley moments and bits that could easily go in my top 10 of anythings. Like Vimmi drunkenly explaining her past love history during their wedding night (and Rakesh coyly trying to talk her into consumating). Or their wedding ceremony, where she leads him around the fire. Or when she tells him to stop drinking and come help her check out the rooms of the hotel they just "bought" (the implication just makes me grin). And the moment before they finally get together, when Vimmi asks him, "You think you can live without me?" and Rakesh has to defiantly answer "Yes," before succumbing and admitting, "No."

Vimmi's foxiest moment.

3. The cons!! The cons! Given, we don't see enough of them -- though what we do see is just so much fun, what with the costumes and everything. I especially love the Taj Mahal bit, Abhishek's whole get up, from the way he holds his cell phone to the bit where Foreigner-ji tells him, "I can't believe somebody is selling the Taj Mahal!" and he replies, "I can't believe somebody is buying!". I also liked this little consistency I noticed on this rewatch; in most of the cons, Vimmi plays the "head honcho", be it the person Q.Q.Qureishi has to impress, the lady minister selling the Taj Mahal or the foxy businesswoman buying a dozen washing machines.


4. The soundtrack is still lively and awesome. And I noticed that S-E-L also did the background score, which you can tell on the second half, when the plot goes all 70's masala and the music accompanies that change. It's just really lovely listening.

5. Speaking of that 70's style, I think while BaB could've pulled it off much better - make it snappier and less draggy at that point in the plot - it is a really splendid tribute to 70's style masala. Escaping hospitals after giving birth, gold heist, train scene like straight outta Sholay .. are wah! I dig it a lot. Especially now that I actually recognize this stuff.

6. This bit always amuses me (and is hypnotic):



And this bit is so adorable:



7. And a million other little things such as...

Vimmi thinking Babli sounds like a "fat" name.

Bunty Aur Babli safe!

Abhishek's party department in the Dhadak dhadak picturization. Hells yeah. Nobody ever said train travel had to be boring! Just be sure to be the only guy wearing red when everybody else wears blue/purple shades.

Height difference is just adorable. Seriously. Adorable.

I love how young and naive and awkward they are in their initial scenes together. They really are perfect fit; both can act confident and be anything they want, but at the core they're both young, unexperienced and still learning things.

Ahhh this scene I love it. I love the constant "Are you being Bunty or Rakesh?" type of questioning and how they kind of get lost in their dual roles but can also pull away from them.

8. I'd definitely still change some things about this film, make it tighter on the second half among other things but generally? Massive, overwhelming filmipyaar. I just wish Rani and Abhishek would be in another movie together anywhere close to as satisfying a watch as this one.

The tale of three movies.

I've done a post before where I talked about two films both named Meera, which had in terms of story, execution or even language very little to do with each other.

Similarly I'll now discuss two films called Chori Chori - the 2003 one and the 1956 one.

The 2003 Chori Chori was recommended to me a couple of times by people who knew I liked Rani Mukherji a lot, and I think every Rani fan loves her lively, "bubbly" roles, if not best then at the very least a lot. I wasn't very different in that respect, considering Bunty aur Babli is my favourite film with her in it next to Hum Tum. I had my doubts about enjoying the film, considering I'm no huge Ajay fan (don't hate the guy, just don't like him a ton, either), but enough people whose tastes I trust liked it and so I bought the film.

I was open to it, I really was, but it just never won me over and I kept watching it in 15 minute chunks because that's about all I could do before my attention span would end and I'd just conclude I didn't really care. I mean, Rani did a fine job, and I didn't hate her character. But I just didn't care, and I quit watching, and I tried again, and quit watching, and again, and again, but never far enough to actually get to the ending of the film.

And so the DVD still sits on my shelf, never watched all the way through, as I type this. And the weird thing? I can't pinpoint the problem. Somebody suggested it was Ajay's acting, that I just couldn't buy his side of the romantic pairing. I suppose .. but I'd hate to lay all the blame on him.

So anyway...

I never had any intention of watching the 50's version of Chori Chori, probably because I wasn't in general very driven to watch Raj Kapoor/Nargis films. I loved them in Shree 420, of course, but then I watched Andaz, with them and Dilip Kumar, which ended up being among the few movies I've quit watching and never gone back to.

But then one evening near Christmas they showed It Happened One Night (1934, starring Clark Gable & Claudette Colbert) on Finnish television and I loved the movie to pieces (easily one of my favourite romantic comedies of all time). Naturally I immediately went to Wikipedia and saw that it had in fact been remade in Bollywood, as the 1956 Chori Chori.

Now, it was always clear to me that ITHO was the original version and would always therefore be the best one, but I was still keen to see the Bollywood version. And this Chori Chori I definitely liked. The changes to the original story of a runaway heiress and a writer meeting on a bus journey to a big city were minimal, limited to dialogue and of course, the integration of songs and comedy characters that weren't in the original (obligatory Johnny Walker), but watching those changes was really fun for me, just having seen the original film.

While neither of the stars necessarily make my favourites category, I really enjoyed them in this film. There's a lightness to everything in the film, as there should be, but there are also a couple of very nice more emotional moments where you can tell that this a film made in Bombay, not in Los Angeles.

And what really won me over was the soundtrack. The integration of the songs can be a tad odd sometimes, relying on side characters to make sure there are enough songs, but I can be forgiving when the songs are this good.

I especially loved Jahan Main Jaati Hoon:



Fun song, and cute picturization, especially towards the end.

Anyway, I don't feel comfortable comparing the two movies with one another, because of their obvious vast differences, and the fact whoever the 2003 was made for, it wasn't for me. I know it has tons of fans and everything, and I wish I could say I enjoyed it as much as they did, but I just didn't. The older Chori Chori was my favourite purely for the fact it was easy to sit through, and an overall fun watch.

Indian Film Advent Calendar #24: The one script to ..be completely disgarded.

Writing a plot outline to a successful Hindi film - how hard can it be? Armed with only some pictures and an imagination largely unused for the better part of this decade, I set to task.

This is going to be largely nonsensical, probably terrible and any resemblances to existing Hindi films are intentional and nonconsequential because nobody's going to make this, right? Right?! (All producers reading, if you're crazy enough to give me money - it is the season of giving in my part of the world! - the email is culling.songs@gmailDOTcom.)

The film is simply called - Paramparaparamparamparamparapa... bas! (short international title: P..b! or Pb or What, Are You Kidding Me? or Nobody Is Going to Ever Make/Watch This Movie). Our story takes place in an alternative historical universe, where India exists in a peculiar timewarp between our current world and ancient Mesopotamia. Only not really. Think Dharam-Veer, only less sensical, because historical accuracy has never been my strong point. But to make this wildly unique, the universe is entirely of its own. Anything can happen ..and does!

Aamir Khan plays Ram, a humble prince of The Royal Kingdom of Neo-India (the old one was run into the ground by an emperor played by Uday Chopra - there was a flashback scene of this but we cut it out ..instantly), who just want to drink Coke and find the love of his life. Little does he know that he is actually second-in-line to the throne, and separated at birth from his identical twin (yes! wait, what?)..

..Raju, played by Akshay Kumar. As you can see, Raju works as a humble mechanic nowadays, constantly covered in oil but not always wearing shirts. But for the sake of the censors and the health and safety of the audience, he does always keep his jeans buttoned up. Promise!


Raju was kidnapped as a baby by an evil witch Roberta (played by black-and-white-Helen, because with modern technology we can do that sort of stuff). After the witch passed away, her clumsy, evil son Robert (played by Akshaye Khanna) left Raju to live with a childless mechanic Girilal (played by ..uhh we'll figure it out later - he'll probably die a tragic death early on in order for Raju to feel a sense of loss and make sure he stands up to the evil that is the Kingdom).

But little does he know that Robert is still around! Doing ..something evil! Look at that evil grin! So evil!


So Raju loses his guardian and after wiping some of the excess motor oil - but not all, are you crazy? - he goes to the King (which are mostly just images of Prithviraj Kapoor from Mughal-e-Azam because we gotta save money somewhere!) and demands justice. Because, you know, if it weren't for the awful kingdom and their taxes and something something, his guardian Girilal would be still alive today! There he meets Ram, and the two brothers clash over the issue of oil costs. Stern political debate follows. Statistics are brought up. We'll probably cut that bit out.

To solve the issue, Ram has to go visit Raju's workshop and there he runs into..

Sita, Girilal's daughter whose mother passed away years ago. She has separated herself from the world of motor oil and instead writes poetry, helps sick children and models on occasion. You know, the usual. Ram naturally falls in love with her but disguises the fact by pretending to be a university friend of Raju's. Sita questions this because Raju never went to university. Ram explains this is the university of mechanics design and time travel. He demonstrates this by singins a song where they are transported to 1990's Switzerland. Sita is impressed and falls in love with him.

Meanwhile Robert plots something evil to overthrow the King and kill Ram. His initial plan of turning the 90's Switzerland in which Ram and Sita (hey, that sounds familiar -- maybe I'm just imagining things) have travelled to into a molten lava pit, but his actions are thwarted by ...

Satyajit, a magical angel (played by Shahrukh Khan), who has protected the twins (yes, really!) Ram and Raju and has since their birth. He was, however, at a wedding when the evil witch Roberta kidnapped Raju, but can you blame him? Who wants to miss out on a wedding? Free food, good music!

Raju, after having cleaned up most of the motor oil off and wearing a shirt, meanwhile is researching the price of oil at the National Library of The Royal Kingdom of Neo-India's Capital City Archives, where he runs into...


..a university student named Nisha (portrayed by Katrina Kaif). They debate the cost of motor oil and whether one is allowed to dog-ear library book pages. Nisha thinks it's perfectly acceptable, while Raju thinks it's sabotaging otherwise good books. They part ways in anger but can't get the arguments out of their minds.

And they probably fall in love, too. There's a song.

At the palace, the little sister of our heroes, Princess Ratnapriya (played by Raima Sen), has a problem of being courted by our terrible villain Robert and as if that's not enough, he has cast her under a spell to manipulate Ram into killing Raju. Ram, after falling in love with Raju's beautiful sister, however doesn't want to kill the man, as he is now forced to pretend their friends, which they are not. Comedy ensues. (Possibly. It might actually not be funny at all. If all fails, we'll do another time-travel scene.)

Satyajit the Angel - or as the audience calls him, Shahrukh - is observing the situation and making popcorn. There is a song sequence where he romances The Devil (played by Kajol), because we've got to draw people into theaters somehow, and borrowing a page from Karan Johar never killed anybody (if it has, please contact me immediately).

As luck should have it, and because if you think you're tired of reading this, I am far too tired of typing it, the Chancellor Daman (Boman Irani) who is like an advisor type person to the King finds a hankerchief that belongs to the evil witch Roberta at Raju's shop while visiting it to get a repair job on his scooter. This proves to Daman that Raju is indeed Rajeev, the missing prince who inexpicably ended up with a similar name under the guard of his former father-figure Girilal. He rushes to let Ram know of this discovery, but his attempt is thwarted by the evil Robert who challenges Daman into a game of internet karom, his only weakness.

Then Robert realizes he could've used magic and so he does, making Daman fall asleep against his keyboard.

Upon seeing this, Satyajit decides it's time to swing into angelic action, but he finds his hands tied - his powers are limited and he cannot tell the brothers that they are indeed brothers as him speaking would blow up their puny human minds. So he does what any good employee does - call his boss to ask how to deal with the situation.

So the Creator Of All Things, Yes, All Things (Rani Mukherjee) decides to some stuff needs to go down and fast.

And she employs all of her powers and sends her God Squad to help out Satyajit.

There's Goddess of Beauty (Deepika Padukone)...

..God of Gambling (Abhishek Bachchan)...

Goddess of Grace (Sharmila Tagore)

God of Non-chalance (Saif Ali Khan) and finally..

..Goddess of Dance (Hema Malini). You know, all the important ones. Obviously.

The God Squad is set to help Satyajit prevent the marriage between Princess Ratnapriya and Robert, which would allow him to directly get the throne after poisoning Ram and Raju at the wedding banquet (this is so why I never eat at weddings). During all this, Daman has woken up and is rushing to the palace to deliver the hankerchief that proofs the connection between Ram and Raju. But as the wedding festivities begin, Robert has one more ace up his sleeve not even the God of Gambling could've detected...

..as Robert has the power of black magic to summon Death Himself (Vinod Khanna), pictured here with his missus, the lovely Lady Deceit (Neetu Singh), to aid him in his wicked deeds.

As Death Himself and the God Squad do battle on the metaphysical realm (which looks a lot like the glorious fields of Punjab), Raju comes to terms with the fact that Ram is in love with his (sort of-)sister Sita, and the price of motor oil is still rising. However, after developing a deep affection for books, he has now decided to quit his mechanic business and go to university to get closer to Nisha.

Little does anybody know that Nisha too is of royal descent, and secretly the princess of 1990's Switzerland, who has decided to study in Neo-India in order to avoid being recognized.

Wedding festivities continue (there's a song or twelve - hey, it worked for HAHK!) and Daman finally reaches the palace with the hankerchief that proves the brothers to be brothers. The truth comes out just as Satyajit reveals the wedding banquet to be poisoned and Robert's mother to be the evil kidnapper of Raju. Robert breaks down, claiming he did all his evil actions because of love for his mother, who has now passed away. He releases Ratnapriya from his spell, but it turns out Satyajit had already done that, and Ratnapriya was truly in love with Robert, secretly hoping her love would redeem him and his evil past.

Robert begs the princes to allow him to make amends with himself and being as magnanimous as Ram and Raju are, both being so humble and noble human beings, they agree to this - but they banish Robert from the Kingdom and insist that he transport himself to 1970's Hindi film industry, which they've heard is a pretty cool place. Ratnapriya decides to go with him, because she's a huge fan of Amitabh Bachchan.

Death Himself leaves the scene unnoticed and instead of a wedding between Robert and Ratnapriya, the festivities continue celebrating the reunion of the brothers and their love for the young women they met during these amazing (well, sort of) adventures they had and of course, the lowering price of motor oil.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Especially Satyajit, who took permanent residence in 90's Switzerland, and met a pretty cool girl on Eurorail...

THE END.


This is the final Indian Film Advent Calendar post as it's now Christmas Eve. Happy Holidays to those who celebrate something during this time of year, have a great end of '09 for those who do not. Thanks for reading and not getting bored with these posts. It's been fun writing them!