1. Tweet in your strongest language and treat Twitter like an English(/Hindi/etc) teacher you're desperate to impress. Or like somebody whose pants you want to get into via showing them how smart you are. Don't be afraid to get a little overboard with it - when the rest of Twitterland is busy forgetting where a, e, i, o, u keys are (or as they would say, 'r'), you'll stand out favorably.
1.5. Familiarize yourself with the concept of parody. Embrace feeling special.
Case in point: i wory der iz no1 left who cn spel. r v doomd 2 cmunic8 in dis biz-r nu lang? im nt redy 4 an x-istenc wid only ltd vowls n no capitls.
2. Find a round-about way of describing ordinary events or daily observations that arouses reader attention and imagination. Such as,
- Working out: An afternoon of certain cardio-vascular scintillation awaits me on the elliptical & in the pool.
A plebe way of tweeting this - "off 2 workout plz twitter notice how im in gud shape tnx bye."
- Being hungover at work: Struggling through meetings & wishing I was in 'The Hangover 2' so I could justify the excesses of last night as research.
A plebe way of tweeting this: "omg sooo hungoverrr @at wrk rite nw had fun last nite tho :D :D :D :D :D lol"
- Doing online banking: Impressed with my credit card company's online security. It's virtually impossible for anyone to access my account - including me.
A plebe way of tweeting this: "fuuuucckkkkk :( :( :("
3. Develop a very ordinary, relatable addiction to a mostly harmless substance. Coffee, chocolate, breath mints, any of these work. Don't go overboard with it - you want to seem relatable, not obsessed or consumed with desire for something completely strange. If your Twitter bio mentions your biggest goal in life is to get your own Ben&Jerry's flavour, trust me, nobody is going to follow you, you crazy icecream person you.
Example - I confess my mini-bar sins to the flinty receptionist & guiltily await the inflated bill I must pay as penance. Mea maxima culpa.
And you're there! Well, almost. I mean, it helps if you a) have been in movies, b) are a globetrotter extraordinaire, tweeting from London then California, then Mumbai - a show that you lead an incredibly interesting life, and c) look like this:
So ... just don't get your hopes up. We can't all win in life.
Tweets - R_Khanna
Pictures -R_Khanna @ Twitpic
Everything else - Depraved mind of @Veraciously, whose biggest desire in life is to introduce Ben&Jerry's Veraciously Twitterliciously Peppermint!.